Forevermybabies

February 18, 2009

Oh, no...I'm so sorry.

January 23, 2009

Thank you again everyone for expressing your opinion. I've had a lot of experiences which lead me, personally, to believe that there is "an unknown country from whose bourn no traveler doth ever return." I don't completely understand the concept of "soul," nor I think do I have a truly abiding faith in anything. I look forward to finding out some day! (Or not finding out, but I'll be dead and it won't matter.)

I talk to my dear departed friends, relatives, and animals. Whether they can hear me or not, I don't know. But I do that for me. Because I am the one left behind. Because I am the one who needs to deal with my grief.

I had an experience when I was younger that also led me to believe that there is something that holds people (and maybe animals) to those that they left behind, a responsibility or longing, that needs to be discharged before they can get on to their "other duty." I don't know what that other thing is, but my experience is that there is something.

I've also enjoyed hearing everyone's beliefs. I find it fascinating how humans have come to find ways to "cope" or "understand" their condition. So much is unknowable, but we believe things. It helps us to survive not being able to understand things, I think. I think it is human to be uncomfortable with things that can't be understood, and comforting to form a system of beliefs that does make sense to us.

January 21, 2009

Glad you didn't take her to the vet! Reminds me of the time I took my baby to the Dr. because I thought he had a sliver. Turned out to be a booger stuck to his head.

January 20, 2009

I picked up Festus' cremains today. It made it all seem so real. I just wept when I put them in the urn. I didn't make this urn especially for him, though, so I'm not going to seal it. I want to make one just for him. I just haven't been able to bring myself to do it.

I miss him so much.

January 15, 2009

Oh, no. I'm so sorry.

January 15, 2009

Oh Tami.....I'm so sorry He and Scooter are togther now.

That made me smile. Thanks Jennifer.

January 14, 2009

Yeah, I think that's an interesting point, and certainly I think that clarifies what I've heard other people say. I'm not sure that it addresses my particular question, but I'm going to pass it along to my friend. He was trying to explain what he believes, and I think that sums it up perfectly. Thanks.

January 13, 2009

In most of the above post they say ( I believe that etc. etc. ) well its just that , its what you believe not what GOD created , and don't believe what some human says just because he believes it , only believe the inspired word of GOD which over thousands of years have never been proven wrong and that hundred of predictions have come to pass.

Yes, and that's what we have been discussing. While I have received many links and quotations from the Bible that specifically address my original question, I also appreciate hearing people's opinions.

I think that a discussion of belief systems amongst friends is always a welcome relief from the daily drudgery of our "humanness."

Thank you to everyone.

January 13, 2009

I love that quote. (Will Rogers was born in 1879, not 1897.)

January 13, 2009

I was looking at pictures, and found these. Meer went to the bridge in August '08. They used to hang out together a lot.

Together again...

My baby boy

In Kanab Utah, 2004

When we first got Festus in 2001

January 13, 2009

Oh, my God. That must have been so hard! She's so lovely. I hope that it goes well with treatment.

January 13, 2009

I'so sorry!

January 11, 2009

The teacher and I have been exchanging emails. Apparently it was started by a student asking the question about do dogs go to heaven. She explained various viewpoints and told the kids that she's not God and doesn't really know the answer. She's very nice, and it is good to have a dialogue.

Gabe likes the school very much, as do I, though I'm not Catholic. I think it's really interesting to get theological information along with other instruction, and they are wonderful wonderful wonderful with the kids.

January 11, 2009

Word.

January 11, 2009

I passed along that information from Courtney to the Theology teacher at the school.

January 11, 2009

I haven't managed to pull it together enough to leave work yet. I wrote a note on my group's board though to thank them, and I wanted to post here as well, to thank you all. I know that I'm amongst people who love their dogs fiercely, so it hardly seems like I need tell you guys how hard this is. But I guess maybe somehow it helps me to talk about it.

Thank you everyone for the nice words. Carole, that was a very sweet tribute, and so true.

Sunscreen and Angel didn't get to say goodbye. It all happened so fast. They keep looking past me when I go in or out, wondering, I'm sure, where he is.

Festus was so sick in June, but got 100% better and had a wonderful summer. I'd learned that his heart was weak, but it didn't seem to slow him down too much. Our walks were shorter and much slower. He would run and play in the yard - coaxing Angel to spar with him. He

would follow me everywhere like my shadow. But his weak heart caught up with us both.

When I think of all of the things that made Festus special and different...there are so many... The way he would settle himself over my knees when I was sitting in a chair, and let his legs go, so he was essentially hanging on me. Or how he would lean his whole body on my shoulder if I were on the floor. I remember being at Gabe's soccer game and Festus sat on my lap like a child. I thought my legs were going to go completely dead. How he would lie on top of me with his head under my chin and we'd watch movies. Well, I would watch the movie. He would watch me. If I were on the computer or reading, he would nudge my hand so that it was on his head. Wherever I was, he was. He would come to work with me and lie on the floor next to me.

But the essence of who Festus was in my world is inexplicable. I can't put it into words. A once in a lifetime connection that I was so lucky to have found. And am now so grieved to have lost.

I'm glad for everyone who was touched by Festus' life. I'm glad for the dogs who were adopted because people like Sandy and Jeff, or Rob

and Amanda met him and were moved to find their own greyhounds.

Festus had a gift - Festus was a gift. A grace from God that I never expected and didn't deserve, but will be eternally grateful to have

had. I can't believe its over.

January 11, 2009

Thank you Mary Pat. I know that he is not in pain, and that the only pain left is here in the ones he left behind. I don't cry for him; I cry for me. Because there is nothing else for me to do with this grief.

I have shared this sonnet before, but here it is again.

Mindful of you the sodden earth in spring,

And all the flowers that in the springtime grow,

And dusty roads, and thistles, and the slow

Rising of the round moon, all throats that sing

The summer through, and each departing wing,

And all the nests that the bared branches show,

And all winds that in any weather blow,

And all the storms that the four seasons bring.

You go no more on your exultant feet

Up paths that only mist and morning knew,

Or watch the wind, or listen to the beat

Of a bird's wings too high in air to view,--

But you were something more than young and sweet

And fair,--and the long year remembers you.

Edna St. Vincent Millay

When my heart feels like it is dying, I think about Festus' love for me. How he would comfort me when he was here. He never wanted me to be sad or cry. I imagine his head nudging my hand as if to say, "Mom...it's okay. I'm here." And even though he's not here, it stops the sobs from wracking my body to close my eyes and pretend for a moment that I could kiss his nose and bury my face in his neck and feel my tears be absorbed by his fur.

Oh, God...how will this ever be okay?

Well, the movie is over here at work. Everyone else has left. I'm going to mop up my face, turn out the lights, go to the grocery store and go home and make scones.

Left right left right left right...what else can I do?

January 11, 2009

Thanks Courtney. That's kind of what I was looking for. My personal stance has pretty much no impact (and I'm sure no interest for) the school. But I wanted to know what the Vatican's stance on this is. So that's good info. I appreciate it. That link was very interesting, too.

I also appreciate everyone sharing their beliefs. I look forward to sharing this with my kids and helping them to understand that there is no one "right" answer.

January 11, 2009

Oh Lord...so heartbreaking. I'm sorry.

January 11, 2009

Thanks everyone for their input. It's very interesting having a child who is getting a religious education. It brings something new to our philosophical discussions. I think that one reason that I'm not religious is that it's too confusing for me. I honestly just don't know. And don't think that I'm capable of understanding such a HUGE concept as God.

I'm okay with not knowing I guess. And I think I'll just have to tell Gabe that everyone seems to have their own interpretation and beliefs, and he needs to decide what feels true to him. Because no one can say for certain.

Claudia, can you tell me where to learn what the Pope's stance on this is? Because I'd like to be able to share that with the school.

January 10, 2009

I'm not a religious person. Spiritual, but not religious. I haven't raised my kids in a religion or church. (For better or worse.)

My younger son, however, now attends a private Catholic school (for academic reasons.) And one of the classes is to learn about Catholicism, obviously. Well, anyway, he's upset and confused because of the belief that animals do not have souls, and don't go to heaven. I told him that personally, I can't believe that God would make a creature who is perfect love, and not endow them with what we think of as a "soul." And if there are no dogs in heaven, I don't want to go.

So he thought, well, maybe animals go to a separate heaven and we can visit. I don't like that, either.

I have no idea what REALLY happens (who does), but I don't like this idea that people have an afterlife and animals just die.

Can someone explain to me the biblical basis for this Catholic belief that animals have no souls and don't go to heaven? (Assuming there's a heaven.) Where does it say this in the bible?

January 10, 2009

What awesome pictures. She's was so beautiful. Our first dog died of lymphoma, and it was the same thing - we learned about it, and he was gone within weeks. Merciless.

Hugs to you all.

January 10, 2009

I'm so sorry. I wish so many of us didn't understand so well that awful pain. Much love to you and your family.

January 10, 2009

My beautiful Renie. My 'young' dog at only ten years old, has left us - so unexpectedly. I'm still in shock.

First, I'd like to give you all a little background. It's perhaps not the best place for it, here in Remembrance, but my original thread in H&M was locked before I felt able to update it. So, I'm sorry, this will be long.

Renie had a few issues lately, after being such a healthy girl for most of her life. She had three UTIs this year, a swollen toe, a sore neck, and an unexplained limp, so slight that it was put down to arthritis, and it did improve on Metacam.

The week before Christmas, I asked for her to be x-rayed, because she was losing muscle over the shoulder, but nothing showed up. Our vet said her bones looked remarkably clean for a ten-year-old, but that it looked like she had two compressed discs, so after a trial with Previcox, which didn't help, she was put on steroids, which helped her a lot ... at first.

But she began to get worse, and to squeak with pain. I took her back, and the vet gave her Vetergesic, which helped a lot. At first. But she continued to go downhill, and the squeaks got more frequent,and she looked just so miserable. And still, they were saying 'it's the discs' which I KNOW are enormously painful, so we carried on, upping the steroids, calling in for advice, managing her as best we could. Meanwhile, she's not eating much, and my beautiful, slender girl is melting away in front of my eyes. At this point I was so scared for her, because this reminded me so much of Susan (who we lost to undiagnosed kidney cancer).

On Tuesday morning this week, she took a huge turn for the worse. On attempting to get up from her bed, she let out the most gut-wrenching series of screams I've ever heard from a greyhound. I rang the vet, and asked for an emergency call-out, but they were on skeleton staff and couldn't come out till the afternoon. I figured the disc problem had got dramatically worse, and maybe one or both had ruptured, so I requested a referral at a specialist centre, and they got us in as an emergency that day.

The neurologist was not encouraging. She could clearly see that Renie was in tremendous pain, so she cut short her exam to give her a shot of methadone, and told us that in her opinion, it was one of four things.

1) Osteosarcoma

2) Nerve sheath tumour

3) CNS fluid infection, or

4) The discs

I did NOT like the order in which she gave those options.

We left her there overnight for x-rays, MRI, spinal tap. and possibly another type of scan. She was going to do the chest films first on the understanding that she would stop there if she saw tumours. I got very nervous at that point.

So, we got the call at about ten the next day, and it was the worst possible news. No, not osteosarcoma, but just as deadly. My poor girl had a large tumour in the base of her neck, and it had begun to grow upward, infiltrating her spine, and was wrapped around the spinal cord so that it was being squeezed. There was a real 'pinch' in it, the sheath could not be seen. And it was clear on the MRI that it was compromising the vertebra, something NOT visible on x-ray. No wonder she was in such pain.

It was inoperable, and we let her go.

She was already not our Renie. Even on methadone, she was squeaking, and so glazed ...

She was just the best dog. She was loving and affectionate, and would go to anyone who had a hand free, in the hope of strokes and scritches - she was a PAT therapy dog, visiting severely disabled adults, and Alzheimers victims and bringing them a little joy.

She was a floozy. She was the gentlest and most loving dog. She was Jack's protector - whether he liked it or not! She was my calendar girl, my sweetheart, my companion. And she will be sorely missed.

Pain-free now. Lovely Irene: 13th December 1998 - 30th December 2008. Rest in peace, sweetie.

Oh, wow. What a very sad story. You did the right thing to let her be free of all that pain. I'm so sorry for your loss.

January 10, 2009

There is a bright new star shining in the heavens.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

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