Will I Ever Be Able To Love Another Dog?

[Guest judechet]

Millie's Mom, it is obvious that you have a great deal of love in your heart. You will find another grey to love, and, when the time is right, Millie will help you open your heart to another.

 

Sean was my second grey. I adopted him two weeks after adopting Megan. Sean was a senior who had been searching for a home for over ten years. Shortly after becoming my companion, he was diagnosed with degenerative arthritis of the spine. It wasn't long before he was is such pain that the vet had to come to the house to help him cross the Bridge. He crossed on June 21, 1999, - almost 4 years ago - and I still cry over losing him. I am crying right now as I type this. We were together for only 57 days but they were such wonderful days. I have never loved anyone - dog or human - as much as I love Sean.

 

We all handle grief so differently. I was able to cope more easily when I adopted my Kevin "from Heaven" a few weeks later. I knew in my heart that, since Sean had finally found someone to love and someone to love him, he wanted others to enjoy what he finally experienced. We are all here to love and Sean found love and I became a much better person because of what we shared for 57 days and still share. I now have nine greys. My last 6 were adopted as seniors; ages 13 down to 9. I am blessed because they all care for one another and we truly have a house filled with love. I know Sean has a big hand in this. It is his spirit along with the grace of God that has brought each one of my guys to me.

 

I lost Buddy very suddenly last December 28th. He was 12 but had not been sick. My losing him was quite a shock. From the time that I knew he was quite sick until he passed over on the operating table was just 2 hours.

I kept his leash and collar on the front passenger seat of the car. On March 29, I adopted another senior direct from a farm who will be ten in October. Before doing so, I contacted my animal communicator to see if my other 8 guys were ready for another to join them. They were and Buddy said that it was time that I opened my heart to help another. He also said that he would be there to assist. I asked Buddy if Ricky (the new one) could wear his collar and Buddy said that I had better wash it first! The collar and leash stayed on the front seat until I slipped it around Ricky's head - except for the few hours to wash and dry it. I might add that Ricky has taken over Buddy's bed and dish. I have more beds than I do dogs but, from the beginning, Ricky took Buddy's bed.

 

I believe that the more we love, the more we can love. I also believe so deeply in my heart that the greys we love and seemingly lose (in one form only) do want others to share in our love.

 

As St. Francis of Assisi, the patron saint of pets, put it: "O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console; to be understood, as to understand; to be loved as to love; for it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life."

 

Go with your heart! There is nothing as sacred as the love we have for another being. Another special grey is waiting for your loving heart to welcome him or her. You will know when and, when you do, don't hesitate. Love is not replaced, just as you cannot replace Millie, but love does expand and the more we love, the more we can love. I do not love Sean or Buddy any less today. Through the love we share I am able to reach out and love others also. I know that Sean and Buddy share in the joy that comes from my reaching out to others in need. We all benefit. That is love in action. It is no wonder that the Gospel of St. John says rather simply "God is Love."

[silverfish]

I read your post with tears running down my face, partly in sympathy for your pain, but also because I have some of the same feelings for Susan.

 

We lost her a few weeks ago to kidney cancer, and we'd only had her five months. I guess I feel so bad because right up till the last day, no-one seemed to know exactly what was wrong with her. We knew she had early renal failure soon after we got her but it seemed under control. Then when she came into season in January (she was an old brood mum and they wouldn't spay her because of her kidneys) she went downhill so rapidly and with so many odd symptoms. Our vet kept saying he wanted her to finish her season and he'd have her in for investigation, but she bled for four weeks, stopped, then started again. She was having trouble with horrible green poop, with squatting (she'd shake) and worst of all with her breathing. Finally I asked for a referral to the vet school and it was then we found that she had kidney cancer which had spread to her lungs and also a life-threatening clotting disorder and pancreatitis.

 

I feel for you, because one of the early symptoms was when I lifted her into the car one day I had my hand under her stomach and she screamed so much it frightened me and I dropped her - I still wake up in the night and torture myself over that. It must have been either her kidney (which was oversized) or her pancreatitis - either way, I hurt her . I didn't know she had a problem then, but I still feel so guilty. And I hurt her again later when I had to give her antibiotics and her throat was so sore from uraemia. By then she had lost her appetite and I couldn't give them in her food. Every time I hurt her she forgave me, but it hurt me so much and still does whenever I think of it.

 

In the end I was like your son. We left her at the vet school and they rang to tell us the bad news. We had less than an hour and a half to do what is normally nearly a two hour journey before they closed for the day, but I couldn't leave her like that another night now we knew it was hopeless. I was saying 'do it now' but also 'wait till I get there'. The vet stayed late for us, and we made it and I held her for her final moments.

 

I keep thinking I'm OK now. I no longer cry every day, and I sleep through the night again, but still sometimes I wake and once I start thinking about her, I can't stop and I can't sleep. Each time I tell someone about her, I cry. Each time I write about her, I cry.

 

I still haven't posted a memorial to her in this forum because I can't face it, but wanted to reply to you. Just to let you know you're not alone, there are others out there who feel as you do.

 

But yes, I do feel there will be another dog in my life. I have Jim, but he is old and starting to show it. I believe, as others do, that the right dog will show up one day and I'll know it's the one for us. Every dog will be different. Some we love more than others perhaps, but there is love to spare for all, our hearts expand.

 

And I too have had visitations. If you'd like to know more, PM me, but don't feel you have to.

[Guest EllenEveAndBaz]

I agree -- you'll know when you're ready. It's a different length of time for each of us.

 

I have found that not only do I love each one differently, I seem to love them with separate parts of my heart. The love and grief I feel for the one who has died does not infringe on the love and happiness I feel for the one who is with me.

[Guest CannonsMom]

I did have a visitation. (Our family is famous for these.)

Millie had a thing about garbage. Quelle surprise! I dare not leave a little bag filled with garbage anywhere near her or out of my sight or she'd pull it out, feast, and then tear the bag into little pieces. About a week after her passing, I had a little plastic grocery/garbage bag on the kitchen table. I had filled it with some garbage and was meaning to take it out but left it there and hopped onto the computer. A couple of minutes later, I heard the bag rustling. Neither the heat nor the a/c was on to move the plastic, and there wasn't a door or window open. That was in August, and it hasn't happened since.

: just got goosebumps all over

 

i do believe this happens...with skin people and fur babies

[MilliesMom]

OK, judechet...now I'm crying.

You're an absolute angel.

Seniors are wonderful. When Millie was still here, I used to go to Petsmart and look at the greyt magazines with the pups with their clear, brown eyes, and then come home and look into Millie's clouded eyes, and start crying because I knew I'd have to lose her.

It takes a special kind of person to adopt a senior. Unfortunately, I just don't have what it takes. It simply is too hard knowing that I'm going to have to let them go.

God bless.

[MilliesMom]

Haven't been here in awhile, but wanted to thank you all for sharing your touching stories.

Next month, it will be a year. I'm not moody much, anymore, but the closer her anniversary comes, the worse I find myself.