I Cant Get Over It

[Guest my4greys]

Uugghhhh, I can not get over this! We had one female and 3 males. Our female Spender was clearly my husbands baby.. I knew when she was feeling poorly because well, thats when she came to me.

She was diagnosed with osteosarcoma in her front leg in May. So, we did the amputation and the chemo. I did all the grunt work that comes with being the mom. He did the "whos a good girl" routine. I ran her to the vet cooked her chicken and hamburger did all the research fought with the girl when she tried to rip out her stitches and even carried her to the vet when she threw up blood after her third chemo. She died of kidney failure. I smelled her 'sickness' in the house for days! I cleaned rugs (had them hanging on the fence) and furniture (foot stool in the yard), hard wood floors, even pored coffee grounds all over the area she was sick in because I couldnt get rid of the smell that no one else smells.

Everyone asks me how my husband is doing.. Im still crying about it. Today is 2 months since she passed. I cry nearly everyday. I went through a period where I could talk about it and be okay. Now, I think of her and cry cry cry. Cant talk to anyone cuz I cry like a baby... Crying now.. I miss her terribly! My grey-boys still miss her and are having behavior issues.

about a month ago I was woke up to a barking dog.. I have 2 barkers King and Spender. Spender used to bark from the living room if I was upstairs and she needed outside. So, naturally when I heard the bark I thought it was King. When I got out of bed to let him out.. he was sleeping at the foot of my bed! I think Im losing my mind. I didnt want to get another grey but I miss the girl attitude or girl power. She was the boss and very regal. She had an air about her like she was royalty.

I had a snap shot of Spen and Billy (my red boy) turned into an 8x10 and put on the wall Monday. My 6 year old daughter and I stood and look at it and cried together. I guess Im surprised at how tore up I am. And how long I'm morning her. She was doing so well. I had a dream right before her last chemo. I was looking for one of the boys and Spen came to me with 4 legs. It woke me up and I was so worried that she was Not going to be okay.. Call it mothers intuition I guess..

Since, Ive pored myself into other projects and become more active with my adoption group. We slowed up when she was diagnosed.. It isn't helping. Maybe actually making it worse. I dont know..

I just can't find a way to deal with this!

[grey14me]

Oh my gosh, I am just so sorry. I wish I had something to say that would help. She knew that you loved her...

[patricia]

My deepest sympathy.

[Fastgals]

I am so sorry. Big hugs from all of us . I can only imagine how you must feel. The grieving process can be a long and painful time. Day by day you have to ride it out. It will lift. I have, in the past, following the death of other companion animals felt a strong need shortly afterwards to adopt and care for another animal in need of a home. Somehow, having to throw myself into caring for another creature who cannot care for itself, taking on that responsibility and the comforting and settling in of a new addition to the family helps me understand that life goes on and still has purpose. And, that there are others out there who need me .

 

I'm so sorry for your grief - but it is natural and eventually you will remember with a fond smile, perhaps a little teary eyed, but the flood will have eased.

 

Kindest regards, and kisses from our gentle lady, Girlie,

Jane.

[HopeForHounds]

about a month ago I was woke up to a barking dog.. I have 2 barkers King and Spender. Spender used to bark from the living room if I was upstairs and she needed outside. So, naturally when I heard the bark I thought it was King. When I got out of bed to let him out.. he was sleeping at the foot of my bed! I think Im losing my mind. I didnt want to get another grey but I miss the girl attitude or girl power.

I'm so sorry. Maybe she's trying to send you a message.

[Guest Becki]

[Forevermybabies]

I'm so sorry for all your pain. I guess the thing I noticed in your post is that you seem to feel that you are supposed to "get over it." Honestly, I don't think you EVER get over it...you get past it. The hurt eases enough that you can start to focus on other things.

 

I think grief is like carrying a heavy package over a hill. When you first start, it feels unbearable, and you can't believe that you have to go on. But you DO have to keep moving. As you climb, the package is lighter, but the hill is still steep. By the time you get to the top, you can look around and see that things are not as bad as you thought going up. Things will be okay. Then going down, you have to be careful. You are still aware that you are carrying a burden, but it isn't as heavy and you are going downhill...you start to feel like you will reach level ground soon.

 

When you reach level ground, the burden is not so heavy, and is now something that you can look at clearly. It's the love and memories that you carry...and will carry with you always.

 

You suffered not only a loss of a friend, but the additional burden of her added care, and the resentment you felt towards your husband for not helping as much as you felt he should, given his relationship with her, and also the resentment towards your mutual friends, who ask after him, and not you. But they couldn't know what a huge job you did, or how much love that took on your part.

 

Anyway, this got long...my point is, that it DOES get better, and you will be okay. But it takes a long time for many people. My Joe passed away in August 2001. I STILL feel sad when I think about him. But I can think about how funny and sweet he was. I can remember his life, and not dwell so much on his death. He is always here with us because he is in our hearts. I still cry for him, but not very often after three years. That first year...I was a basket case. Anyone brought him up, and I went to pieces. You are perfectly normal. And you WILL be okay.

[Burpdog]

I can't say it any better than Tami did

 

It's hard especially when you do hospice care. A couple of stories.

 

Animal communicators have a place in my opinion. They should help, but never take the place of your own relationship with your animal. I've used them on occassion.

 

When Heart came to live with me she was traumatized and a basket case. Her owner had passed away and she was put out into the backyard by the husband with her kennel mate for several months before a niece brought them in to the adoption group. She was fostered several times. Had SA--could not be crated and peed & pooped when left alone even for minutes. Several months after she came, I talked with a communicator and told the communicator about Heart. She talked to Heart and told her "mommy" (as Heart called her) was gone. Heart said "she can't be--she comes to visit me". The communicator told her to let mommy go to the light. There was a marked difference in Heart after that session. She was still sad for a very long time, but not hysterical.

 

A few months after Jodie went to the bridge, Shadow would stand and bark looking towards the bed she layed on or towards the ceiling above the bed. This went on for days and was getting annoying! I once again talked to the communicator and she told me what I already felt--Jodie was visiting. I tried telling Shadow it was ok, but almost every night, there he was in the family room barking. One night I marched into the room and said "yes, she is here, we all know she is here and we don't care! There probably is more than Jodie visiting--Burp & Trevor & Scooby and all the rest and we don't care--get over it!!!!" He looked at me and I marched out of the room and back to the computer. He never barked again at her bed or the ceiling

 

I don't think you are crazy. There will come a time when you will be able to release her to the bridge where she will be waiting for you. And when you are ready, she will help a girl come into your life--they have a way of doing that for us.

[Guest auntiesara]

Yes it is very hard. We also did hospice care at home for the past 5 years. We lost 3 of our Osteosarcoma girls to kidney failure and had to put Blackie, our osteosarcoma boy, to sleep due to unbearable pain. We lost Piper to kidney failure brought on by heartworm. We adopted Longdog Matt a year and 1/2 ago and adopted Sadie right after losing Rosie 2 months ago. We still cry a lot too. It helps somewhat to adopt or foster again because you will be busy helping the new one adjust. I keep calling Sadie "Rosie".....

It may help to light a candle or have some kind of memorial ceremony. Rosie's urn is in the family room waiting to be buried with her siblings in the garden in VT.

In some ways Charlie shows being upset more than I do-he was waking up at 4:30 AM in case Rosie needed to be turned or carried out into the yard for some time after she passed.

We went to GHF open house. I felt strange without the pack of 4 Greys, even though Matt and Sadie enjoyed themselves. Blackie, Rosie, and FaeRae have memorial bricks that my mom bought them,which we visited at the open house.

Over time you cry less often, but the empty space in your heart is still there.

PM me if I can help in any way or we can cry on eachother's shoulder through cyberspace...

 

Sara

[Guest mleg2001]

I want you to get your self a box of kleenex and set aside some time to read this site, especially the section entitled "conversations with guilt" and finish with "A place for Us" http://www.angelbluemist.com/index.html

 

You will cry but it is of the healing type, I read it several times while I was feeling overwhelmed by Callies loss, I still miss her and shed tears from time to time. I know the Christmas period will be especially rough since it will be marking her 1 year anniversary of her passing along with a another soecial bridgekid I lost 11 years earlier, so I will be likely rereading these words again then, myself.

 

 

 

[Guest argolola]

I feel so bad for you. Sending big hugs. God bless.

[scullysmum]

You are doing the only thing you can, working through it one day at a time, some days are hard some are a little easier, I don't have an answer, but if it is any comfort you are not alone.

[Guest Guest]

I am so so sorry. They are such a part of our lives. It is hard to be without them. When I find myself consumed with grief over one of them, and it can still be overwhelming 12 years later, I try to focus on a cute or funny event with them, to turn the tears and sadness into laughter and joy.

[Guest KaseysMom]

That was me above. My apologies.

[greysandmollie]

The only thing I can tell you that it will get better. But it never goes away. But the persistent everyday anguish will become less frequent. I was told by another crazy dog person it would take about 3 months and that was about correct to the day. Some of the heaviness lifted. But I still miss him everyday and the other dogs can not fill that void left. But you will go on.

 

I hope you behavior problems get better. I was fortunate that my other two moved on. Neither one seems to be in charge and both seem to be okay with that.

[Guest my4greys]

by the time I was done posting last night my husband had came home from work. It was obvious that I had been crying so I told why.. how I felt.. I don't think he realized how much I was carrying. His suggestion was to take one of her pictures and blow it up Real big and place it above th tv. ...sigh... He trys.. He doesnt do these things well.. I dont either.

We had picked up a little "return dog" for our group a week after I heard the barking. She has a broken leg. A Bad break. I asked our placement people if we could foster and was told no. They think we went through enough with Spen and dont want us taking on another burden.. She really is well meaning but.. she was going on about a friend of ours who lost their grey recently and how tore up the woman is... she is looking right at me and cant see how tore up I am. I think thats why Im SO upset.. I didnt want another until I had her here for a day. The boys seemed calmer and I found myself watching more of the video clip I took of her over the one of my Spen. I kinda felt like Spen sent her here. She is at the vet now for bone grafting. I have wrote to the placement rep and told her straight out that we'd like to adopt that girl. Her surgery is Thursday. Im not wanting her if the prognosis is bad.. we have stairs here and dont want her to have a hard time.

[Guest mantis]

I can't add much to what has already been said, but I will say this. Do you ever get over it? I say no, but with time it does get easier. I still think of some of the animals that we have lost years ago and it still hurts, but I know that they are in a better place now and that someday we will be together again.

I know that it's hard to say good-bye to one that you have loved and taken such good care of and grieving is part of life but like joesgreypoupon said carry that weight up the hill and when you get to the bottom on the other side then things should be a little better.

Good luck and take care

[Guest Yat4]

Time is the only thing that will make it easier to bear. I'm so sorry that you are going through this.

[Guest how888]

Everyone said it very well.It's never easy to lose a loved one.I have a book called Necessary Losses that I read often.Sometimes it helps to light a candle,read a book and grieve if necessary.Then let it go.Don't let it consume you as it did me when Howie passed over.Watch for the signs and ........just believe. I listen to John Lennon's "LET IT Be" if that helps. Wishing you peace from someone who cares.

[Guest Ferrevergrey]

I'm so sorry, I wish I had an awnser to your question but I don't. I just lost my heartchild(a little ferret named Peek-a-boo) 2 weeks ago yesterday, and it still hurts as bad as I'd just lost him. Some days are a tiny bit better, but it still hurts greatly. It's hard to get over loosing a special furkid, even if she was your husband's baby!

[Guest DeVon]

My heart hurts for you, and I feel your pain. I have no easy answers as to what will work. As everyone else has said, it does take time. It has been over 5 years ago since I lost Bart, and I still find it difficult to talk about losing him without crying. I alternated between walking around like a zombie, and being a sobbing mess when I lost him. I found some solace in working on a website dedicated to him because he was my introduction to the world of greyhounds. I will always be eternally grateful to him for showing me how precious these hounds are.

 

There is no time limit on grief, and I think it's more difficult for you as you obviously did all the hands-on work with her, and from what I read in your post, everyone is asking how your hubby is doing, and not you. Please know that I will keep you in my prayers, and if you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me. Thank God for people who understand what it's like to lose a beloved hound; I couldn't have gotten through the loss of Bart without people like that. Gentlest of hugs to you.

[Guest cindysmom]

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your sweet girl. Perhaps these folks' way of asking how you are doing is to inquire about your husband, since the idea of losing our beloved hounds is so devastating that it's hard to see it "face to face." Others have said very wonderful things above, and I can't really add to it, except to say that if you feel the need to "talk," please feel free to come to us. We have big shoulders for you. Hugs to you.

[Guest littlemouse1958]

{{{{{{{{{{{Hug}}}}}}}}}}}

 

May you find some comfort in knowing that you are not alone in feeling such grief over loosing a special friend. You are not crazy.

 

I'm so sorry for you loss

[greyhoundlov]

We lost our senior girl to osteo 3 years ago, but we had the opposite problem. We didn't know she had osteo until the day she came limping down the hall. She screamed in pain and we were at the vet's office within 15 minutes. The x-ray showed it was already in her ribs and in fact had broken one. We had to help her cross the bridge that morning.

 

We had no time (less than an hour) to prepare ourselves and were so full of guilt because we didn't realize that she was ill.

 

We didn't go through the hospice care you had to provide, for which I commend you, but I wish we could have had that extra time with her before losing her. On the other hand, her pain was short lived for which I will always be grateful.

 

It will never go away, but it will get better.

 

Hugs...

[Guest jennilol]

Hi

 

All I can say is I understand and know what you’re going through as far as the grieving process. We actually lost our ‘first born’, a loopy little lurcher, quite suddenly on the same day from a freakish accident. The first couple of weeks I was close to a nervous breakdown and even went to the doctor about it because I couldn’t sleep or work and cried all the time and couldn’t cope anymore.

 

Strangely we’d just been approved for greyhound adoption and had an appointment scheduled the week he died to get a companion for him. So the day after it happened we brought home the first of two greys. It helped a lot to have another creature to throw my love into and to help ease the pain. It might seem callous, but we had to fill the empty space and put the noise back into our house. Two wonderful boys chose us that night!

 

Unfortunately since our lurcher died resulting from a freak accident I was convinced that something terrible would happen to our new boy and spent my time at work thinking about all the freak accidents that could kill him while I was gone. It’s amazing what the imagination can dream up when your mind is in a terrible state The trip to the doctor helped a lot ease the anxiety, but I still have a lot of normal anxiety that comes with the realization how precious and short life is. Since the two are home now & settled I am much better though...each day is easier...

 

My sister in law (social worker) said the average initial grief/shock period is around 6 weeks. Not that it will ever go away as I am well aware, but I am at least not like I was 2 months on. I would suggest a bereavement counselor to help you get through the issues you’re dealing with. People who haven’t lost a pet don’t realize it can be as bad as losing a family member for your system. Seek counseling and see what they recommend – talk or even something to take the edge off as this sort of thing can trigger depression and you sound like you might be depressed. (not an expert, but just throwing MHO in hope I don’t upset you)

 

If nothing else, time is a great healer and you still have 3 boys and a husband at home who love you! Be strong and think about how much fun your girl and my little lurcher are having playing over the bridge where the walks never ever end the sqeakies last forever in the toys!!