Does it get easier?

[okslater]

I posted on this forum a lot during the past year when my girl, Lemming, got cancer, and had a rollercoaster year of recovery and then rapid decline, and got lots of nice support from you all. Lemming died in January. My partner and I are still so sad. We miss her so much and I ache with the loss. She was my first dog. Is it like this every time? Or does it get easier? I have two more greys. I don't think I can face having a lifetime of carrying around the pain after each grey passes. I thought I'd be feeling better by now but every now and then the grief just hits me like a wave. 

I'm generally not a particularly emotional person, and nor is my partner. He said to me he wouldn't be half as upset if I died, and I think I agree! I'd give anything to have her back. 

 

[Houndtime]

No matter how long they stay, they never stay long enough.  I find I am fine, until I talk about the dog who passed.  Does it get easier?  No.  But, it does get better.

[Remolacha]

It gets easier to bear, but the grief never really leaves you. I have lost several hounds, and several cats before that, but losing my first greyhound hit me in a way I didn’t expect. Something about these dogs just gets into your soul. 

[FiveRoooooers]

The waves of grief you are experiencing are so very normal. The pain eventually becomes less acute, and surprisingly the good memories become more prevalent. You always miss them like crazy and if you're fortunate enough and aware, you'll receive a sign/s from your angel/s. In the last 11 years I've lost 19 dogs. It's like having a not-quite mended broken leg - your new normal becomes learning to dance with the limp.

I'm so sorry for your loss of Lemming. 

Edited May 23, 2022 by FiveRoooooers

[1Moregrey]

Be kind to yourselves it has only been a blink of an eye since she has been gone.  
As time goes by the sadness of her death will be exchanged for the fondness of her memory and the quirky things she did.  
I have found the reason for the passing effects my grief process and first year is a little rougher than the rest.  

If you have not already done so find a way to honor her memory.  You can be as creative as you want, a special remembrance of her (statue, plant or tree) or just time to get away and grieve.    

May your sadness be replaced with found memories soon. 

[okslater]

Thank you all, that has been really helpful. It's good to know I'm not alone (I don't think my friends really understand. I lost my best (human) friend to cancer the year before and I don't feel I can say that the pain of losing my dog was actually a lot worse. I felt so responsible for her and that I failed her, even though I know that's not the case. I'm happy to know the good memories will start to surface. She was a really quirky grey. We didn't realise as she was our first, but our other two are much more like dogs than she was, she did all the funny things like intense teeth chatter, she ruined all our bed sheets by making massive forts in them every day, and she would whistle at us like clockwork to keep us on schedule for her feeding/walking/etc, and she would push items off our kitchen table to knock them on the floor to get our attention if we weren't doing what she wanted, and slam her paws on the table to demand food (we shouldn't have encouraged this bad behaviour but it was funny!).  She was always looking at us -watching and figuring out what we were doing before we even knew it ourselves, evaluating whether she wanted to be a part of it or not. I was looking through some old photos recently and I noticed she was always in the background, watching and evaluating what I was up to. Our current two are just stupid goofballs, which is also nice, but I don't feel like I'm having a two way conversation with them, and I miss it. It is great to reminisce on that special bond we had. Thank you all. 

[racindog]

Maybe you can find some comfort in these. They help me a lot-kind of brings me back into reality. These first two are from a bridge angel to his person: 

Until we meet again..
You say that all you have left are memories but this is not so.
You see, when I took leave of my earthly body I left a little something behind for you.
You can't touch it, hold it or examine it, for what I left behind is far too uninhibited for confinement.
I left in your tender care a piece of my soul.
I placed it right next to your own which is quite fitting as we were always side by side in our earthly life together.
I love you too much to have left you with nothing but memories that tend to fade and grow cloudy as the years go by.
I love you too much to have vanished without a trace. How selfish it would be of me to remove love and light from your life.
I understand your tears, each one you shed is testament to your love for me and I am honored and humbled.
But don't forget the good things we shared - remember and smile. This is an honor for me as well.
When you need me I will be here.
Close your eyes, relax, take slow, deep breaths and picture me in your mind.
Shut off the world and your notions of what you think death is and give me a chance.
Look for the subtle signs I send you.
Don't stop being proud of me, I am a friend to be proud of, I am still your friend and soul mate.
Don't memorialize the death of my body but instead honor and celebrate my never-ending life for it is eternal
and forever as is my love for you.
Until we meet again...
(Only part of a very long heart felt poem by Terri Oronato)

"The love is bigger than the pain. I know your heart is breaking terribly. But I promise you that your pain will subside over time, and our love, our love not only will survive, it will be stronger. Someday the horrible pain will be a memory of deep sadness but our love will still be vibrant and alive. Love is always bigger than pain. When you are hurting, reach for the love and I promise you will feel better."

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"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart."

"What we have enjoyed we can never lose…All that we love deeply becomes a part of us."-Helen Keller

 

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"For love is as strong as death....
Many waters cannot quench love, nor can the floods drown it.
If a man would give for love all the wealth of his house, it would be utterly despised."
-Song of Solomon 8:6-7

 

 

"Some animals...leave a trail of glory behind them.
They give their spirit to the place where they have lived,
and remain forever a part of the rocks and streams and the wind and sky."
- Marguerite Henry

 

"You call it a sin that I love the dog above all else? The dog stayed with me in the storm, the man not even in the wind!" - St. Francis of Assisi

 

                          The Way

In the darkness I turned to go; my last day's

done; I'll miss you so. No time even to say

goodbye or to lock the tears spilling from

your eyes.

That's when I heard you call my name;

I knew right then I must turn back to help ease your pain.

Since I've no voice with which to speak,

its whispers in your dreams I'll make.

Ease your heart and rest your mind, my

time with you was the best of kind. I couldn't

have asked for a better friend, we've shared

our journey to the very end.

There's one final thing you need to know, I'll

whisper in your ear before I go....."I'm leaving

first to find the way...so I can lead you back here with me on your last day."  -(SLong)

 

 

[EllenEveBaz]

Quote

I have found the reason for the passing effects my grief process

   They have shorter lives than we do.  There's nothing we can do to change that.  Any mistakes we made in their care, they would be the first to forgive us.  And gradually, the memories are of the so many good parts of their lives, instead of the sadness (and our feelings of guilt) of their death.   There's a phrase I've always loved -- "Let her memory be a blessing to you."  

[Time4ANap]

Rocket was our first greyhound. He was my sidekick, my heart dog, and was by my side noght and day for 10 years.  When we lost him, it was brutal. We both decided that there would be no more dogs. 

Fast forward a few months and this house without a hound was unbearable. We had Trolley and Snickers visiting but that wasn't the same. Then Petunia walked in the door one day so we "could watch her for a few hours." Within about 20 minutes, we wrote the check to the adoption group. Then Kate showed up to keep Petunia company. ...

We've had a succession of various seniors through here since Rocket passed, We decided that the best way to honor Rocket was to make sure that any seniors who needed a place to land had one. 

Last year we lost a total of 4 dogs. All seniors. Some frail, some not. 

It never gets easier. We miss each one of them every day. Currently we have two 10 year olds and are hoping that they each have several years left with us. In both cases, these two lost their owners when they passed away suddenly. They needed a place to land. The other dogs left way too soon too, but we will take in a senior even if we know they only have a few weeks left. We need to make those weeks the best they ever had, and we need to be ready to make a very dreaded decision quickly when necesssary. 

Every time I think that I can't lose another dog, another one shows up who just steals your heart. It doesn't get easier, but you do realize eventually that you are keeping your promise to keep them safe and pain-free. iI return, we get some awesome memories from each one. 

 

[okslater]

Thank you racindog, those are lovely. I particularly like the Assisi quote! I will tell my partner that one later. 

It's amazing what you do, Time4aNap. We say we would love to give some seniors a home one day when we have more room, but I don't klnow how you managed to cope saying goodbye to four in a year. 

 

[Time4ANap]

53 minutes ago, okslater said:

It's amazing what you do, Time4aNap. We say we would love to give some seniors a home one day when we have more room, but I don't klnow how you managed to cope saying goodbye to four in a year. 

 

We just happened to be in the right place at the right time when the need was there. 4 in a year was rough, but each one was extremely special to us. I will take a senior over a young dog any day of the week after this experience. Miss Jan at Camp Greyhound (FiveRoooers above) is a huge help with all of our seniors. We couldn't do this without leaning on her  and a few other really great GreyTalk folks for lots of answers related to dealing with seniors. 

Good luck to you both. You will meet another hound or other breed of dog at some point and just know that the dog is the right one for you. We now have a running joke that we don't allow dogs to visit because they will end up staying. 

[LBass]

I'm so sorry for your loss.  In my experience, it does not become easier to lose a beloved companion, but each loss becomes more bearable as I live through it and abide with it.  I believe that the love we have for them and the love they have for us never dies, never leaves us, is always there as part of us.  Even the tears that still come for dogs long long gone have a sweetness because of that abiding love.  When those times of grief come, I try to go with them dwelling on the memories of those wonderful, loved companions.

In the GT Remembrance forum today I read that Rachael's Sweep had passed away yesterday.  I've not met hound nor human outside this forum and yet I'm weeping, hours after the news, grieving for Sweep's humans and remembering all my own losses.  Yet even in this moment I wouldn't trade the grief for anything, because it is part of the love.

 

[greytpups]

Time doesn't heal wounds, rather it just allows us to adapt to life without them.  I always felt like grief was like a giant wave, and some days I felt like I was drowning in pain, while other days I just swam with the current, just barely holding my head out of water. But it is the most loving decision we can make for them, although it's so difficult and painful.