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TheRiverClyde

Need to rehome my grey of 3 years for health reasons.

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Hello community,

 

I need some support on this decision. It's definitely not an easy one and I am in tears just by thinking about it.

I have been thinking about rehoming my grey Luna for the past few weeks. I've had Luna for about 3 years now, we've been through a lot together and I love her very much. But I feel a lot of stress from looking after her. And it's came to a point were the stress is no longer manageable and having a huge effect on my health.

She was a very anxious dog when I first got her but I worked really hard to help her through that and she made huge achievements as the weeks went on. She was very nervous of me in the beginning and would only come near me when I was walking or feeding her. She was terrified of a lot of things outside our home, from buses to runners. She quickly got over those things with training and soon loved being outside for walks and meeting other dogs. And eventually showed her love for me. But she is still quite an anxious dog, I guess I couldn't heal all of her anxiety.

I used to take her places with me, like to cafes and on public transport to visit friends/family. But it wasn't easy as she would whine a lot and take a long time to settle down. I got her a travel bed so she could comfortably lie down in the cafe/train but it always took her so long to lie down and when she eventually did it was only for a short time before she was up and whining again. I couldn't enjoy a trip out to a cafe with her whining and she obviously didn't like being there so I stopped taking her. Travel on the train was stressful enough without having a stressed out, whining dog with me so I stopped taking her on there too. I tried to make it as comfortable for her as possible and tried some training but I couldn't change how she felt. This resulted in me not getting out that much or only getting out for a few hours myself before I would have to go back home to get her.

She also whines sometimes in the flat, like if we are going a walk and I am putting my shoes and jacket on, she will whine while she waits for me.

She has recently regressed in her behaviour with other dogs. She is constantly growling at other dogs even if they are 2 feet away from her. I am trying to train her out of this (possibly fear aggression) but it is becoming difficult for me manage. She even growls at the dogs that used to be her play friends. 

My health issue is I am autistic and I live on my own with no support. I didn't know I was Autistic when I got Luna, I just thought I had clinical depression and found life difficult. Now that I have been diagnosed with Autism I have discovered how important self-care is to my wellbeing. I also discovered that what I thought was clinical depression was actually a prolonged Autistic burnout. I was living life completely wrong and trying to manage depression when I should have been self-caring for Autism. My diagnosis and new knowledge of Autism has made me aware that a lot of my stresses are caused by Luna's behaviours and anxiety needs. The dog aggression she has is over-stimulating for me. Having to constantly watch out for other dogs on walks so I can be prepared for her growling and pulling towards them is mental and physically tiring for me. I am very sensitive to energies and her energy she has when she does this is very intense. I have hyper-sensitive senses so her whining is very distressing for me, it's so loud and high-pitched to my ears. Organising dog walkers for when I need to leave her at home and planning how long she can be left for before I need to be back is very mentally tiring too, I'm just terrible with that sort of brain functioning. It would have been so much easier if she was able to come places with me. I have eventually stopped going out as much because it took too much mental energy to organise.

I've realised my wellbeing has gradually declined because I had been sacrificing going out and meeting friends/family as well as my own self-care for the sake of Luna's care. I guess I don't have enough mental energy to fully take care of myself as well as Luna. I have realised how unhappy, under stress and over-stimulated I am by looking after her. I have begun to resent Luna because of this and I hate myself for feeling that way towards her, because all of these choices made were mine. I just wasn't fully conscious of these sacrifises at the time and the full effects of them. But now I am and I can't take the stress and compromise anymore.

I have been giving Luna my all. But I now believe she deserves better than my all. I think she would actually be happier and cared for better by someone else, someone without support needs like myself.

The other thing is she needs therapy for an old racing injury and/or arthritis. She can only bend her carpal tunnel joint 90 degrees. It effects her walking and she gets very slow after about 20 mins. I was managing it with daily Loxicom but it has gotten worse and pain relief isn't enough anymore. I was taking her for acupuncture but there was no results from that and I eventually ran out of my savings. I went to a rehab vet centre who recommended physio and other kinds of therapy. They told me she would likely need to be seen once a week for a few months and come regularly for therapy for the rest of her life. I just can't afford that and I feel so guilty that she isn't getting therapy. I have wondered if this discomfort she is in is having an effect on or could be a cause of all the aspects I wrote about. I have thought of asking for support through a donation website like Just Giving or Go Fund Me but even if I could get the money to take her for therapy I still don't think I can care for her anymore. 

I have thought about finding a new owner who could afford and be able to take her to regular therapy. Or finding an owner who may not be able to afford it but could still look after her better than I could, and I would try my damned best to get the money through donations for her.

We live in the city, in a small flat with no garden so I imagine her being instantly happier with an owner who lives outside the city and has a garden, somewhere with less dogs around too. But I know I would miss her so much. She has been with me 3 years and I know I would be heart broken when she is gone. I hope to find an owner that would let me visit her from time to time and I could even dog-sit when they needed a sitter.

Has anyone had to give up their beloved greyhound/pet before? Have they regretted it or did it turn out to be the right decision? And can anyone give any good advice on how to deal with this decision taking into mind I've had her for 3 years. Maybe going to visit Luna in her new home isn't a good idea? Could that confuse and stress her out?

 

Apologies for the essay I wrote. I have been having these thoughts and feelings for so long and I needed to get this all out. I am desperate for some advice/support.

I added a photo of Luna when she is at her happiest. Thanks in advance, Lou (TheRiverClyde).

425379353_20190602_150704(4).jpg.31396bb2bd3939b33346af3f9935fc2c.jpg

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It's a tough decision, but ultimately you need to do what is right for you and for Luna.  If you decide to return her, your best course of action will be to return her to your adoption group or another local greyhound adoption group if you your group isn't around any longer. They will do what's best for her and properly screen a new owner to make sure that they can care properly for her. Most groups are happy to work with you if your hound needs to be re-homed. We routinely see hounds here whose owners have to do what's best for them due to health issues or a death in the family that makes them unable to care properly for the dog any longer. 

Greyhounds are very resilient and moving to a new home is ultimately harder on us than it is on them. Any decision about visiting Luna would be up to a new owner, but you could ask the group to give your info to her new owners and ask them to let you know occasionally how she is doing. 

Best wishes to you and Luna.   


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Always missing my boy Hi Noon Rocket. The home of Petunia, MW Neptunia and Kate, Miss Kate.

 

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Thanks Time4ANap.

I didn't even think about seeking help with rehoming from my adoption centre, so thank you for reminding me of that option. I do worry about her being in a kennel again after so long away from them though and I want to know who would be adopting her. I will call the woman from the adoption centre and have a chat about it with her. 

I guess I need to start the process.

I remember the woman from the adoption centre telling me the vet she took Luna to to get her neutured before coming to me wanted to adopt her. Maybe this vet is still around and looking to adopt a greyhound. 

I hope Luna is resiliant. Thanks for the best wishes.

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Luna is sensitive to your energy and distress just as you are to hers. It does sound like another home might be a better fit for both your sakes. Like you say, she might be less anxious outside the city where she has more space of her own and isn't as likely to be overstimulated by loud noises and other dogs. I can't imagine how hard it will be after three years, but you're being very selfless here and thinking of what's best for you both. You've gotten good advice above for how to move forward. I wish you much luck and peace with whatever you decide in the days ahead. Hugs.


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Rachel with Sweep and kitties Olive and Momo.
Always missing my boys Mud and
Henry

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I know things are run differently in the UK, so you may need to search out an adoption group and be persuasive to have them take her back.  If you aren't up to rehoming her yourself, though, this may be your best option.

You need to do what's best for you and your own health.  This will probably be what's best for Luna too.  FWIW, this sounds like it was an iffy initial placement at best.  A more confident and less anxious greyhound may have been a help to you rather than a hindrance or adding to them.

Please get the help you need to be healthy.  If it happens that you feel up to having a canine companion in the future, you'll be better equipped to tell an adoption group exactly how you need a dog to fit into your life.

Edited by greysmom

Chris - Mom to: Lilly, Felicity (DeLand), and Andi (Braska Pandora)

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Angels: Libby (Everlast), Dorie (Dog Gone Holly), Dude (TNJ VooDoo), Copper (Kid's Copper), Cash (GSI Payncash), Toni (LPH Cry Baby), Whiskey (KT's Phys Ed), Atom

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My heart breaks for you. As said above, your adoption group is the best first choice for rehoming Luna. There is no shame in realizing that Luna would be happier in a different home and that you need to help yourself become healthy. 

Best wishes for you and Luna and please keep in touch.

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Thank you so much everyone for the replies and taking the time to read my long post. 

I have worried that Luna could sense my anxious energy and that it may have contributed to her fear aggression with dogs. She probably has felt it and it's no doubt effected her :(

I'm really glad I came here for advice. It's helped me see the situation clearer. I know Luna doesn't need me to be happy and she will be fine. Thanks for all your kind words.

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2 hours ago, greysmom said:

FWIW, this sounds like it was an iffy initial placement at best.  A more confident and less anxious greyhound may have been a help to you rather than a hindrance or adding to them.

To be honest I don't have strong faith in the rescue group I got her from. They don't have much room and I think they have a pressure to home the greyhounds due to lack of kennels.

I did pick Luna myself rather than have 'a match' chosen for me but I wish the woman had done more research on my home and location etc and could have recommended a greyhound who wasn't anxious instead. I stupidly saw a picture of Luna and fell in love. I have since read so many times not to fall in love with a picture of a dog. Lesson strongly learned. But things happen for a reason and I do believe I helped Luna grow a lot of confidence. 

I'm going to contact a few rescue centres in Scotland to discuss options and will possibly post on some greyhound owner Facebook groups too to see what interest comes up. I definitely want to do this the right way and make sure she's going to a great new home.

To be honest I will feel much more confident and at peace if I can be part of the rehoming process myself and see the home/owner Luna would be going to. But I greatly appreciate everyones advice about her going to a rescue group for rehoming, I will definitely keep this advice in mind. 

Thanks so much for the support and advice.

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What a difficult and heart breaking decision you've had to make but it sounds like you have made the right one.

I don't know which adoption group you got her from but I got Grace from the Greyhound Trust and one of their conditions of adoption was that if I was unable to keep her she had to be returned to them. I think your local branch contact details can be found here https://www.greyhoundtrust.org.uk/regional-branches/690-west-scotland


Grace (Ardera Coleen) born 18 June 2014
Raced at Monmore Green, Wolverhampton UK - 68 Races, 9 wins, 5 second places
Gotcha Day 10 June 2018 

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:grouphug The very best of luck with finding the right new home for Luna - this must have been such a tough decision to reach, but I can see from all you write just how carefully, responsibly and lovingly you have reached it. Hopefully you will now find the right rescue group to help, not too far away.

There is a saying in healthcare that in a crisis you "must put your own oxygen mask on before attempting to help others"  - that's where you're at right now. You're stressed yourself and Luna's picking up on that, and it's reached the point where you're making each other unhappy....

For what it's worth, I'm a fellow-Aspie - self-diagnosed, at the grand old age of 58. I'm in a pretty good place these days, but can certainly identify with much of what you write. Luckily my greyhounds have both been confident uncomplicated chaps who helped me get out and about  - but I doubt I could have coped myself with a nervous girl like Luna.

Edited by DocsDoctor
spelling

Clare with Ken (Boomtown Ken, born 01/05/2011), and remembering Doc (Barefoot Doctor, 20/08/2001-15/04/2015).

"It is also to be noted of every species, that the handsomest of each move best ... and beasts of the most elegant form, always excel in speed; of this, the horse and greyhound are beautiful examples."----Wiliam Hogarth, The Analysis of Beauty, 1753.

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On 12/13/2019 at 6:07 AM, HeyRunDog said:

What a difficult and heart breaking decision you've had to make but it sounds like you have made the right one.

I don't know which adoption group you got her from but I got Grace from the Greyhound Trust and one of their conditions of adoption was that if I was unable to keep her she had to be returned to them. I think your local branch contact details can be found here https://www.greyhoundtrust.org.uk/regional-branches/690-west-scotland

It is a condition, one that I completely forgot about. I called my rescue group yesterday, also the Greyhound Trust, and she reminded me it was part of the contract I signed that if I could no longer keep her I must let them know and return her to the group. But the woman who runs the group said she was happy for Luna to stay at my home with me until new owners were found and for people to come see her at my home.

I would prefer this than for her to go back to kennels. Especially in the winter, she's used to a warm home. This way I also get to meet any potential owners and have conversations to find out if Luna will be suited to their home and lifestyle. 

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there's pretty much universally no legal weight in those adoption contracts.


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16 minutes ago, Jeff said:

there's pretty much universally no legal weight in those adoption contracts.

For years I've said the same thing. It would be nice if the adoption groups said if the need arises and you need to rehome your pup we would be happy to take the dog back and do the rehoming again.  Either I own the dog or I don't and if I don't then why am I paying all the food and medical bills? If I do then I can do with the dog as I please.

Is there anything else that you purchase that you don't own except for big ticket items like a house or car that you own with a bank?  Even the house or car there is no stipulation that you can't sell or give the house or car away as long as the lender gets their money.

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On 12/13/2019 at 10:56 AM, DocsDoctor said:

:grouphug The very best of luck with finding the right new home for Luna - this must have been such a tough decision to reach, but I can see from all you write just how carefully, responsibly and lovingly you have reached it. Hopefully you will now find the right rescue group to help, not too far away.

There is a saying in healthcare that in a crisis you "must put your own oxygen mask on before attempting to help others"  - that's where you're at right now. You're stressed yourself and Luna's picking up on that, and it's reached the point where you're making each other unhappy....

For what it's worth, I'm a fellow-Aspie - self-diagnosed, at the grand old age of 58. I'm in a pretty good place these days, but can certainly identify with much of what you write. Luckily my greyhounds have both been confident uncomplicated chaps who helped me get out and about  - but I doubt I could have coped myself with a nervous girl like Luna.

Thanks DocsDoctor, it's nice to hear from a fellow Aspie. I'm really happy that you have a positive experience with your greyhounds and that they help you. At times I've wondered if things would be different if I got a greyhound who was confident and fun-loving. But maybe I would still find looking after any dog stressful.

I go to a Autistic meet up group every week or two to socialise and recently realised the cafe we meet at allows dog. So I thought I could ease some stress from having to walk her before and after I went by bringing her with me, and also get to enjoy a longer meet up with friends by not having to leave early to go back for her. But she hated it . She whined most of the time, and kept standing up to whine every so often and then lie down again. Then a lot of people in the cafe wanted to clap her and talk to me about her (even though I have the yellow collar saying DO NOT PET, NERVOUS DOG on her) which added to the stress. Having a beautiful dog isn't good when you don't like strangers coming up to talk to you. On of my friends from the meet up group said to me "Are you sure you're not a service human for her?" That was just one of the many signs I eventually listened to that she's too anxious for me to cope with. It's ironic that I'm trying to get support for my needs but can't get them (due to limited resources in the NHS here in Scotland) and here I am giving looking after a dog with support needs.

Having only been aware of possibly being Autistic a year ago and only being officially diagnosed in August, it's all still fairly new to me. I am still learning a lot about myself and the effects this 'condition' has on my health. I hope to get to a better place like yourself. I think I'll get to a better place much quicker without the responsibility of a dog. I think my health is going to change quite dramatically in a positive way after she moves on. In hindsight I am dumbfounded at how much strain I put myself under for her - I have also learned a lot about what I would do for love. Love for her is now driving my decision to find her a better, calmer family/home.

Thanks so much everyone for the kind words! It is making this a lot easier to hear you think I am making the right decision.

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4 minutes ago, dmdsmoxie said:

For years I've said the same thing. It would be nice if the adoption groups said if the need arises and you need to rehome your pup we would be happy to take the dog back and do the rehoming again.  Either I own the dog or I don't and if I don't then why am I paying all the food and medical bills? If I do then I can do with the dog as I please.

Is there anything else that you purchase that you don't own except for big ticket items like a house or car that you own with a bank?  Even the house or car there is no stipulation that you can't sell or give the house or car away as long as the lender gets their money.

I guess it's a solution to the crisis of unwanted and abandoned greyhounds. Maybe the rescue groups would get a bad rep or wouldn't be seen as working well if they didn't have this in a contract. Legal weight or no legal weight. I would prefer them to keep a responsibility to the entire life of a greyhound to be honest. Individually the greyhound is yours, but having to return the dog if you can no longer keep it helps keep the unwanted greyhound issue under control until it can be stopped.

I don't know if the issue is the same all over the world for greyhounds as it is in the UK and Ireland. But so many have been found dumped or dead or both over here, in high numbers.

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I think it's great that the adoption groups will take back a dog for whatever reason can't stay in the adoptive home. It's the language in the contract that I'm against. Having a place to fall back on would be a perfect scenario except that you are legally bound to do so.

What if you had a friend or relative that would love to take your dog. Legally, according to the contract, you can't give your dog to a person like that.  I guess the adoption group could sue you.  That is what I'm against.

I don't want a dog ending up in a shelter when a group will take the dog back. To me it's a win, win situation without the perceived legality of where the dog has to go.

Here in the U.S. you can safely say greyhound adoption is at 100 percent. A couple of groups have imported greyhounds from either the U.K or Ireland, forgot which, because they have no dogs to adopt out and there are a number of adoption groups that have a few dogs or no dogs and are waiting for some. When demand is more than supply you are at 100 percent.

I hope you find a good solution to your problem and it sounds like fostering the dog and letting potential adopters come to your house to see the dog works well for everyone.

Dick

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2 hours ago, dmdsmoxie said:

What if you had a friend or relative that would love to take your dog. Legally, according to the contract, you can't give your dog to a person like that.  I guess the adoption group could sue you.  That is what I'm against.

I don't want a dog ending up in a shelter when a group will take the dog back. To me it's a win, win situation without the perceived legality of where the dog has to go.

That sounds counter productive to the wellbeing of the dog. I'd hope that a rescue group would show initiative and discrection in a situation where the dog can easily be rehomed to a known friend or family member. 

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You truly sound like a very loving, thoughtful owner. Realizing what’s best for both of you is a selfless act based on love. Some people keep a greyhound even when it isn’t in the greyhound’s best interest which I find troubling when the pup could thrive in a different environment.

A lot of people really judge others when they return their greyhound and don’t know all the facts. My belief is that if you are going to return a greyhound, for whatever reason, it’s in the best interest of the greyhound. Greyhounds adapt to home life very well after the track in most cases, and this life is completely different from their training/racing years. Luna will be fine eventually, and she is lucky to have you because you can prepare potential new owners about her personality and traits which may lead to a successful transition into her new home.

 

 

Edited by greytpups

Jan with precious pups Katie Crazykatiebug, Emmy (Stormin J Flag) and Simon (Nitro Si) Missing my angels: Bailey Buffetbobleclair 11/11/98-17/12/09; Ben Task Rapid Wave 5/5/02-2/11/15; and Brooke Glo's Destroyer 7/09/06-21/06/16. My blog about grief The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not get over the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same, nor would you want to. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

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27 minutes ago, greytpups said:

You truly sound like a very loving, thoughtful owner. Realizing what’s best for both of you is a selfless act based on love. Some people keep a greyhound even when it isn’t in the greyhound’s best interest which I find troubling when the pup could thrive in a different environment.

A lot of people really judge others when they return their greyhound and don’t know all the facts. My belief is that if you are going to return a greyhound, for whatever reason, it’s in the best interest of the greyhound. Greyhounds adapt to home life very well after the track in most cases, and this life is completely different from their training/racing years. Luna will be fine eventually, and she is lucky to have you because you can prepare potential new owners about her personality and traits which may lead to a successful transition into her new home.

 

 

Thanks so much greytpups. You and the other members very kind comments are really helping with the guilt I was feeling before. 

A friend looked after her for two nights to give me a wee break and he sent me photos of her curled up and sleeping on his bed. She looked very relaxed. I am feeling more confident Luna will be fine.

And the reduction in stress for me for those two nights alone was so significant that I know this is the best idea for us both.

I will post an update to let you all know when she is rehomed. Many thanks!

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Have there been any updates on a new home for Luna?  Wishing you peace and success. 


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Jackie with Tangerine and Dazzle

Always missing Gracie, Steely, Annie, Payne, Twilite, Janey Bug, Bindi, and Sophie

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On 1/3/2020 at 8:49 PM, hidoey said:

Have there been any updates on a new home for Luna?  Wishing you peace and success. 

There is indeed.

Luna is with a foster family for a few months. She went there a few days ago. It's been very tough and upsetting already but I know I needed to do it for my health. The break I'm getting feels so good and important.

I couldn't go through with the rehoming. Anytime the subject came up I became so afraid of losing her and worried that my circumstances may improve somehow meaning I can keep her, but if she was already rehomed it would be too late to get her back. So I decided to take someone's advice on here to try fostering. This way I get the break I need and some time to see if I can change my life circumstances. I had to at least give it a try before doing a permanent rehoming.

The foster family seem super kind and loving and they already have a greyhound who I hear Luna is getting on with and playing with! I have been updated that she's settling in, showing her personality, doing zoomies in their garden and feeling comfortable in their home. So it seems to be harder on me but I know I needed this and I'm really grateful for the break in responsibility. It's only been a few days but I hope to see my health improve lots over the next weeks and be able to come to a permanent decision.

I'm just very happy that Luna has taken it well and is happy.

Thanks so much to everyone again for your advice and kind words. They really helped me, and Luna!

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I can't imagine how hard and stressful this has been.  Sounds like you are getting some breathing room and Luna is doing so well!  Please continue to keep us posted.


9099320185_6dcf3804ca_o.jpg

Jackie with Tangerine and Dazzle

Always missing Gracie, Steely, Annie, Payne, Twilite, Janey Bug, Bindi, and Sophie

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I am so happy to read your update, that sounds like a really good way forward. Take some time for yourself, and hopefully everything will fall into place.

 

Ken the greyhound and I wish both you and Luna your best possible futures - whether that turns out to be apart, or once more together.


Clare with Ken (Boomtown Ken, born 01/05/2011), and remembering Doc (Barefoot Doctor, 20/08/2001-15/04/2015).

"It is also to be noted of every species, that the handsomest of each move best ... and beasts of the most elegant form, always excel in speed; of this, the horse and greyhound are beautiful examples."----Wiliam Hogarth, The Analysis of Beauty, 1753.

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2 hours ago, DocsDoctor said:

I am so happy to read your update, that sounds like a really good way forward. Take some time for yourself, and hopefully everything will fall into place.

 

Ken the greyhound and I wish both you and Luna your best possible futures - whether that turns out to be apart, or once more together.

Thanks so much Docsdoctor!

Best of wishes to you and Ken the greyhound too 🤗💚

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