Experience With Paxil?

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In talking it over, we think an older pup would probably be a better fit when the time is right. When we were younger, I think a younger dog would have been more manageable. And we had also talked about a bounced dog perhaps being a good option. We babysat a wonderful girl, Millie, for several years. She was a delight. Her owners had a baby who was allergic to animals, so they had to surrender Millie. We fostered her until the right home was found. We are kicking ourselves now for not just keeping her. If a crystal ball existed, we would have kept her. But as it was, we were (and still are) in a smaller home, and while we find we can accommodate two dogs for a short period of time, it would be close quarters if we had two permanently. In all honesty, I would be up for two, but my partner is not on board with that, and I want to be respectful of her limits. I semi lobbied for trying out another dog to help with Ruby's adjustment, but I could tell I was not going to get far with that, so didn't push it. So yes, older and/or perhaps a bounce would make for a good fit for us. We also think the option of fostering is a good way to go, in oder to get a "feel" for potentials . . . one day.

Again, I want to thank everyone for their interest, input, and empathy. This is a great group of folks.

[Roo]

I've been where you are, and it's incredibly difficult, but try not to be too hard on yourself. SA can be extremely difficult to overcome. I had my SA girl for 6 months, but I followed her race career for years before I actually adopted her. Her first month was fine. The second month had a little anxiety. It was downhill from there. I increased exercise (biking 2 miles at a run with at least a mile walk!), added meds, worked on alone training... Nothing helped. I finally made the decision to return her and then a couple months later I got in touch with her former racing trainer, who was very sorry to hear it hadn't worked out. She asked if she could adopt her. I met her somewhere between NC and WV and handed off Tessa, who immediately hopped in her car next to her small child (she was petrified of small children with me!) and was like "Cool, let's hit the road!" She joined a household of 5 other dogs and fit in immediately - all signs of SA gone.

 

A month later, I got a message from her that Tessa had accidentally been closed in a room all day (she was napping in the closet and didn't emerge when they stood at the door and called her, so they assumed she was elsewhere in the house and closed the door), and she had dug a giant hole in the drywall attempting to get out (she was completely uninjured!). The other dogs were in the house on the other side of the door, and she knew it, but being separated was too much and caused the SA behavior to manifest again.

 

I'm telling you all that as an example of how tenacious SA is. Even in the right house with the right humans and other dogs, it's never fully "cured".

 

There is a perfect home out there for Ruby.

 

Your home is perfect for another grey - you just haven't met them yet!

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Wow, Roo, that's quite a story. The fact that everything was fine for a month and then went downhill is alarming. Going through this experience with Ruby has left me grappling with so many different thoughts/concerns:

1. As stated previously, did we give up on her too soon? Really, there is no way to tell on this one, short of finding out how she does in the future. Even with this, the variables would have to be the same in order to know how she might have fared if we had hung in there with her ~ a one pet home with 2 adults who work odd hours and come and go in a way that makes routine challenging. I was told that she did fine being created with the foster's dog being crated right beside her when he stepped out for a bit. I was so happy to hear that, for her sake. When I read about the need to be patient and to give it time for a new dog fresh off the track to settle in, I start to second guess myself. But then I read the stories, such as yours, of dogs with true SA who struggle to get beyond it, I feel like we made the right decision, given the unknown nature of what the future might have held, but man is it easy to second guess that.

2. I hope this gets better in time, but I am stuck worrying about what the future holds regarding us having a pet down the line. I suppose we have been really fortunate with our previous pets' ability to adapt to our lifestyle. I want to believe that it will be possible again to find that dog who is the right fit for us. I know we would give her a great life. But I now worry that the "unknown" of a new dog might conceal issues that we could not anticipate. Of course, this is ALWAYS a possibility. We had just not had to consider that before having Ruby, and now that we have experienced it, it's front and center.

3. When I think about the kind of pet we want, GH's still are at the top of the list. However, we are concerned about the future of adopting retired racers given all the changes in the racing industry. The idea that there will always be a steady supply of RR's that need homes is not something that I feel like we can bank on. In fact, I had a convo with a GPA adoption rep who basically said that the days of a steady stream of retired racers needing adoption are coming to an end. I don't want to get into the politics of this, but I can say that it is one of the reasons we so quickly moved to adopt Ruby after losing our Rosie. In retrospect, that was a mistake.

4. Just how common (or uncommon) is it to bring a GH into ones home and have her/him settle in without much fanfare? I am up for what I consider the routine transitions, such as learning how to walk on hardwoods, getting into a routine around eating, walks, sleeping, learning how to "play", getting comfortable and eventually bonding with each other, learning how to walk on a leash, etc. I am even up for the more challenging issues like overcoming tenacious hookworms, dealing with bad teeth, the saga of finding the right food, etc. It's the more extreme things, like a dog that can't be left alone for fear of self or home destruction, or a dog that is spooked easily, or one who struggles with housebreaking, or one who ends up having a much higher prey drive than originally thought . . . those are the things that I now am concerned about. I wonder what the proportion of "issues" vs. "non-issues" really is. I know there is no easy way to answer this question, but as a thought experiment, I do wonder . . .

5. It sucks to one the one hand know that we would provide a great life to the right dog and on the other, to realize that we have limitations that make it such that a not-right dog just won't work. I guess it is just hard to own about oneself that we are not the kind of people who can adapt to most anything a pet might present.

[greysmom]

But you will find all the issues you are worrying about no matter what kind of dog you choose to adopt next, whether that's a greyhound, a shelter dog, or even a puppy.

 

That being said, each dog is unique, and you really can't apply past problems to future dogs you may have. In addition, you now know what questions you need answered by either the group or an extended foster period in your home prior to adoption. You *can* mitigate some of the issues by doing your due diligence, and asking the group you're working with to help you find the right match. Most groups *want* their placements to work, so they will try and find out everything they can about their dogs.

 

Our most recent dog is now a 1 year old greyhound puppy we got when he was 3 months old, and he has such attachment issues we have to give him anti anxiety medication for me to leave the house. Otherwise he has super bad meltdowns - screaming and crying and running back and forth between the windows looking for me. It doesn't even matter that my husband is right there with him! He's getting better as we continue his desensitization, but it's a long road. My husband and I haven't left the house together in a long time unless we take him with us. So I do understand what you were dealing with with Ruby.

 

Yes, retired racing greyhounds may become harder to find in the near future. That just means people who want one will need to be more patient. It's no different from a person wanting a show dog from a particular breeder, or someone who wants a prospective service dog candidate - you have to wait for the right one to come along.

 

So. Stop. Breathe. And give yourselves some time to decompress. This is a stressful time for you and your partner aside from dealing with a difficult new dog, so be kind to yourselves. Ruby *will* find the perfect home for her. It does no one any good to worry about some future which may or may not ever happen based on one bad experience.

[Roo]

I don't think you gave up too soon. If it's obvious that she's not happy and you're not happy, it's best to remedy the problem as soon as possible.

 

I think you should take a break and let yourselves breathe. For me, it's been a year since Tessa (more or less) and I'm only just now starting to feel truly prepared to take on a dog. Tessa was a lot - in addition to the SA, she had some other, uh, quirks. She didn't want me to leave her alone, but she was also extremely sensitive, so if I stubbed a toe and said "Ow!" she'd take off running and hide from me. I know two of her former trainers and know they'd never lay a hand on her in a mean way, so I'm not sure why she was so jumpy about things - probably just her brain wiring! But she was exhausting to live with. I loved her, so much, but she didn't always make it easy.

 

Give yourselves a little time, and then start to think about bringing home a dog.

 

When I was a kid, our first hound came in, laid down, and that was that. He was home. We had a couple little bumps - mom didn't want him on the sofa but he wanted on the sofa, he was determined to collect and snuggle one shoe from every pair in the house, etc. But they were easy things and, really, not things that made life with him difficult. Our next hound was fresh off the track. At the suggestion of the adoption group, we kept her crated (except for potty breaks) for the first couple of days, then slowly started letting her stay out longer and longer. That was the extent of her adjustment - she just settled right in. We discovered later that she had an extremely high prey drive - she wanted to chase everything from squirrels (normal) to large horses that she jumped a fence to get after (not normal!). That was pretty much her only vice, though. She was great. Bit of a diva, but great!

 

Not every hound takes a lot of time and effort, but there are some that require more handling than others. You might try looking at a bounce when you decide to look again. That way, you should have a pretty good idea of how that dog behaves in a home, any quirks, etc.

 

For what it's worth, I'm a lot like you sound. I realized after Tessa that I'm just not the kind of person who can take in just any dog. For my own mental health/sanity/whatever, I need a calm, low-stress dog. I'm happy to work on issues (I can handle resource guarding, I can handle shy dogs who need gentle handling, etc) but I can't handle a dog who can't be left alone or one who has a ton of drive and energy. There's no shame in it (or so I tell myself ) - it's just how I'm wired.

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I feel so grateful for the ongoing conversations that take place here. That is exactly what it feels like ~ a conversation, albeit a written one. There really isn't any other place I can turn to in order to think through and process all of this. Friends are either A) the type of people who would NEVER give up on a dog, to the tune of turning their lives upside down, or not really dog people to begin with, so they don't see what all the fuss is about. It's really wonderful to have a space where I can "write through" all of this.

And I agree 110%. We need time to decompress. From so many things. Ruby was the fat layer of icing on a stress cake that has been baking for 9 months. Although I do tend towards worry and anxiety, it has been in overdrive of late. I will know I am approaching readiness for another dog when my first thought is not "what is going to go wrong here"? I'm hoping some CBD will also help me along the way:)

Thanks ya'll!