Raffle 12/4/2004-5/25/2018 Rip

[Guest rafflehuseman]

I'm new to this page today as I posted on the health forum today looking for some reassurance. I am full of guilt and 2nd guessing after losing my baby girl, Raffle, a week ago today. I'm not married, no children, and it has just been her and I the last 10 years. She was the most awesome dog and we had a special bond. I can't stop crying and hate being at home because all I think about is her. Please read my post from earlier today for details on how I lost her. I can't get out of my mind what she went through that day, it is awful to think about her possibly having a stroke, falling down the stairs, and then laying there for hours (scared and unable to get up)until I got home from work. Awful awful awful And if I would have known that would be the last day I would see her I would have given her extra love that day and week. I had come home for lunch to walk her that day, as I have done on my lunch break for the last 10 years. I was in a rush as I had to get back to work and was impatient with her when we were outside as I was in a hurry, etc I gave her a treat inside but then rushed back out the door without giving her much attention or love. I had no idea I would lose her that night and can't get over the guilt although I know I had been a good mommy to her overall the last 10 years.

 

Does it get any easier? I haven't been able to put away any of her things yet so there are constant reminders of her everywhere around my condo. Do you all find it easier to put their things away (dog beds, dishes, toys, etc) so you don't see those reminders? And they called me today to tell me her ashes are ready to be picked up. I can't bear the thought of it yet.

 

Have any of you experienced guilt over the loss of your grey or making the decision to euthanize? How did you get through it? It's been a week and I'm feeling worse about it instead of better...I miss her terribly

Edited June 1, 2018 by rafflehuseman

[JaimeL]

I am so very sorry for your loss of Raffle. You did the right thing, freeing her of her pain. Remember all the joy and happiness you gave each other and see her looking at you now with the same love she always had for you.

It is never easy, making that decision. It will get easier, give yourself time and don't feel that you need to put away her things.

Rest easy sweet girl.

[MP_the4pack]

Whatever decision you made was out of love for Raffle.

 

Don't second guess yourself.

 

[Houndtime]

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful girl.

[tuff]

I'm so sorry for what happened. Your girl looks like a sweetheart.

I had a somewhat similar thing happen to my grey and I have a lot of guilt also.

My 11 year old boy Tiger had a history of cervical disc disease which caused him severe pain several times a year. One morning early my dogs were outside doing their business (it was dark). I yelled for them to come in. Three came in, Tiger didn't. I went outside and heard a yelp. I immediately thought his disc had herniated and he didn't want to walk. I took a flashlight out and he was laying in the yard unmoving but blinking his eyes. I thought it was a severe disc injury. We took him to the e-vet. Throughout the day the e-vet had him up as he had gained back some movement and could walk with assistance. After work I drove him 3 hours to the nearest vet school with an MRI and neurology department. The next morning as I waited to hear from them, I had the realization that I found him laying in the yard next to the open gate of a temporary chain link fence we had installed for several months while having our deck redone. I just knew he had run into that fence in the dark and broke his neck. I called the vet that morning and told him my suspicion. He wasn't really buying that explanation. Over night Tiger had worsened and was no longer able to walk and had significantly decreased reflexes. Several hours later, after the MRI, the vet called and said Tiger had broken his neck. It was a very high break. He was under general anesthesia to have the MRI and the vet needed to know if they could do surgery to stabilize the neck. He said Tiger had a 50/50 chance of recovery and could have breathing problems after surgery due to the high level of the break. I chose euthanasia because I couldn't risk putting him through all of that and having to possibly euthanize him anyway. He was always very stressed for vet visits. I was just ugly crying at work trying to make the decision. I still worry I made the wrong decision. I also have huge guilt that I didn't recognize what happened at the time. They asked me if there was any chance it was trauma. I said no. He spent 24 hours not stabilized, being made to stand and walk and be examined with a severely broken neck. I also have guilt that he spent the last 24 hours of his life surrounded by strangers and I didn't get to say goodbye. And now I'm sitting here crying again and its been 6 months.

 

I wish I had an easy answer for you other than It will get better with time. I was lucky in that I had my other dogs to love on. I would still cry every time I thought of him for the first couple of weeks. I can look at pictures from happy times now and have good memories. I try to not let my myself dwell on the end and remember that he had a great life otherwise. It will probably take you a few weeks to get to that point though.

 

If I only had one dog, I'm not sure what I would do about toys/bowls/leashes. I guess I would probably put them out of site if they caused me more pain to look at.

 

I think giving another dog a loving home is the best way to honor those that we lose. The day we drove back to get his ashes, I adopted another dog on the way home. Some people adopt right way, others choose to wait awhile. I personally wouldn't be able to stand the quiet for long. Having other dogs to focus on helped me the most.

 

It WILL get better.

[Remolacha]

I am so sorry for your loss. Having it happen so suddenly is a terrible shock. Personally, I do put their things away, it gives me some closure, but you should do what is right for you, everyone is different. It will be hard to go get her ashes, but I think you might find some comfort in having her back home.

[Time4ANap]

I'm very sorry for your loss. Run-free, Raffle.

[smurfette]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Sending virtual hugs your way.

[FiveRoooooers]

Raffle. What a terrific name for a great dog, your devoted partner for the past 10 years. She would want you to know that she knows how very very big your love for her was and continues to be. You didn't make a wrong decision. We just wish they could go on forever. And they do, in our hearts.

 

Please know that you are not alone.

 

Godspeed Raffle

[Batmom]

Hugs to you and godspeed to your lovely girl.

[Beachbum1]

So very sorry for your sudden loss.

You did what needed to be done.

She knew she was loved.

[ramonaghan]

I've read both your posts and I'm so terribly sorry for your sudden loss. Guilt and second guessing are normal parts of the grieving process. You absolutely did the right thing for your girl, and I hope in time you will be at peace with your decision.

 

Rest well, Raffle.

[Guest rafflehuseman]

Thank you everyone for your calming words and taking the time to share your experiences. It will not bring my baby back but its slowly helping me get to place of accepting I did the best thing for her that I knew at the time. Greys and their owners are a special group and I knew I came to the right place for support. Especially after having a friend say to me this week just remember....its a dog......some people just dont understand the bond we have with our dogs, especially our greys. My girl was such a sweet, sensitive old soul. I picked up her ashes last night and it was a horrible night, reading yall thoughts this morning has brought me some peace

[macoduck]

She lived a longer life than many other greyhounds. Have no guilt, you did good by her, all the way to the end.

 

I have added Raffle's name to the list of Bridge Angels in Remembrance. She's in good company.

[EllenEveBaz]

Go with your gut feeling about whether to leave her things or put them away. Some people find it comforting to set up a memory box in a frame on the wall or out of sight, to be looked at in special moments. Some people give them to another dog, or donate them to a shelter or adoption program. Some people probably throw them away as too painful to be thought of.

 

You have nothing to blame yourself for, and if you had, you know Raffle would be the first to forgive you. What matters is that you loved each other and were happy together for ten years. Raffle, may your spirit run with the wind.

[Fiona3]

I am so sorry you have lost your sweet girl. Your photos show a very happy, contented pup who knew how much you loved her. We have lost a number of greyhounds and there is always that feeling of shock and guilt. "What did I miss, what could I have done to help her......" It's normal to feel this way. In time you will come to remember all the beautiful moments with Raffle.

 

When we have lost a dog, I make a list of all the special things we did together, my favorite moments with them or the little habits that endeared them to me. Taking my little "diary" out over time brings back all those special memories and can be very comforting.

 

You clearly had a wonderful relationship with Raffle. Remember all those good times. She always knew that you loved her.

 

Rest well Sweet Raffle

 

 

 

[BatterseaBrindl]

Raffle was a beautiful Girl and I am so sorry she had to leave you so suddenly.

Think of all the wonderful times you had together and remember them.

And then smile

[queenwinniesmom]

Oh, I'm so sorry! Your pain and grief are palpable, and my heart is aching for you. Though always very difficult, the grieving process is so individual. Please remember that there is no time frame, and that the suddenness will add another layer to that grief. Not only are you dealing with your loss, you're raw from feelings of guilt, and hurting yourself with thoughts of something that wasn't your fault. Just do what feels right for you. I think maybe because of the suddenness, you might need to see her things for a while. It's kind of a path to closure. Of course, getting their ashes back is incredibly emotional---so final, but in a way comforting to have them back home with us. We just let our Calvin go last week, and are waiting for his ashes to be returned. I know it's going to be a very hard day. I'm crying now, just thinking about it. I have days when I'm pretty good, and then days when all I want to do is read over again his tribute here, and to look at pictures of my beautiful boy. I know, for me, it's not always a linear process, and it will sneak up on me just when I think I'm doing better. I feel that this is normal, though, and try to remember that it WILL get easier, and one day there will be more smiles than tears.

 

Your Raffle was really lovely. It's easy to understand why you loved her so deeply, and miss her so much. Please know that there are many here who understand, and you are not alone.

[sabrina]

It hurts just hurts so much when we cant make it better for them.I know that all to well

Edited June 3, 2018 by sabrina

[tiffwee]

So very sorry for your loss 😢

It sounds like you took awesome care of her. Theres no way you could have known and Raffle was very fortunate to have you. I think everyone (if they loved their animals) goes through the what-ifs.

 

Peace to your heart ♥

Edited June 3, 2018 by tiffwee

[GreyPoopon]

I'm so very sorry.

 

Please don't second guess yourself. Many of us--including me--have done so; it never helps.

 

Godspeed Raffle.

Edited June 4, 2018 by GreyPoopon

[TheFullHouse]

I’m so very sorry for your loss. I have lost 16 so far and have second guessed myself on every one right after the loss. Time has brought me the comfort of knowing I did the right thing. I hope in time you will realize you did what was best for your girl. She lived a long and happy life.