Trying To Understand Mixed Signals (Seeking Affection+Calming Signals)

[Guest msk]

Hello everyone,

 

Ive been reading a lot here and it was incredibly helpful. But Ive got a question about my newly adopted Greyhound, that I couldnt find a specific topic about.

 

Basically Im concerned about mixed signals I get from her. Shes super affectionate, settled in quickly, asks for attention, but at the same time often gives calming signals. Im not sure whether shes just showing contemptness or whether her affection is just stronger than her anxiety and I should slow down to make things easier for her. Let me give you a bit of backrgound:

 

Ive adopted her about 3 weeks ago. She is in general very calm, no known anxiety, incredibly friendly with strangers and other animals. The day I got to know her, prior to adoption, she approached me and put her head on my lap which ultimately sealed the adoption.

Ever since shes here, shes settled incredibly fast (no worries, I still follow the shut down phases). She always stays close, sleeps next to me on the couch, leans on me, initiates play time and shows no signs of general anxiety. Since day three shes asked to sleep in the bed next to me. If shes insecure shell rely on me to help her (giving me attention, hiding behind me when scared). I was genuinly surprised, as shes the first dog I owned showing that much affection early on.

 

Now here comes my concerns: pretty much every time I pet her, even if she asks for it, shell yawn and lick her lips. Sometimes she also avoids eye contact.

She got into the habbit to ask for pets every time we wake up or return from a walk. Shell wait for me to sit down, come over and press her head against my chest (cat like rub) or licks my arms. When I start to pet her and give her scratches, shell start the licking or yawning - not excessively and with pauses inbetween but notably. If I stop, shell continue licking me or rubbing against me or sometimes just continues to stand there. She shows me when shes had enough by either lying down or walking away.

Same happens when she lies close to me. Shell come over, lie down next to me, lean on me and start to lick her lips.

 

Its worth saying that she does the lip licking and yawning also when she settles in her bed or when getting comfortable. Not as much though.

 

So...

I know its hard to tell by just this description whether shes a little anxious or not. But I was wondering whether theres anything I can do to test if she indeed is anxious in those situations?

 

So far Ill only initiate physical contact when she asks for it and stop when she shows calming signals. I was wondering though whether it could be a sign of feeling contempt?

 

Thanks so much for your help!

 

Edit: Im on mobile and it removes all the apostrophes. Makes the text hard to read, sorry. Im trying to edit them in from a computer later...

Edited April 2, 2018 by msk

[Guest msk]

So it appears like I can edit posts only once. Thus I can't fix the aposthrophes, sorry. Also here's two additional scenarios which just happened and which might give more context:

 

We were lying on the couch, my Grey roaching next to me. I calmly turned to her and asked a question (no trigger/commando words). She looked at me, wagged with her tail and started to lick her lips.

 

Afterwards we were getting ready for a walk. She stood infront of me (confident/happy posture), waiting for me to get dressed while licking her lips. Although this one might be caused by us doing attention training during some walks which involves treats.

[GeorgeofNE]

I think you might be overthinking all these signs and symbols.

 

She's a DOG. Enjoy her. It sounds like she is wonderful and fond of you, and rather than disect every breath or eyelid flutter, go with your gut. You got a happy, relaxed dog. Now carry on and have fun!

[robinw]

I think you might be overthinking all these signs and symbols.

 

She's a DOG. Enjoy her. It sounds like she is wonderful and fond of you, and rather than disect every breath or eyelid flutter, go with your gut. You got a happy, relaxed dog. Now carry on and have fun!

Yep. Relax and enjoy her. Relationships take time.

[Guest msk]

Haha, first-world-adoption-problems on my side I'm guessing?

Thanks for the encouragement and reaffirmation. Going back to giving lots of love to the new pup now.

[kronckew]

Sounds like you got a good one, as i was reading this Poppy came out of the kitchen after having a drink, walked over to me soliciting an ear scritchy session, licking her lips a bit and initially not looking at me, I scrunched her ears a s usual for a minute, told her she was a good girl, she turned and went on her nearby floor bed. I've only had her for 5 years.

[JohnF]

The lip licking, yawning and looking away is just a sign that she's still a little anxious about how to respond to your intervention. She's not trying to 'calm you down' and is probably wondering why you need to pet her when she is already being nice. They have to learn to tolerate non-dog communications like hugs. It sounds like you have a diamond there, just enjoy her. Soon she will start to test boundaries more, learn to praise good things and redirect onto doing better things if she isn't getting something right.

[Guest msk]

Sounds like you got a good one, as i was reading this Poppy came out of the kitchen after having a drink, walked over to me soliciting an ear scritchy session, licking her lips a bit and initially not looking at me, I scrunched her ears a s usual for a minute, told her she was a good girl, she turned and went on her nearby floor bed. I've only had her for 5 years.

Haha, shoot, now I feel like *I'm* the super anxious one - not my little girl.

 

They have to learn to tolerate non-dog communications like hugs.

I haven't looked at it from that angle. That makes a lot of sense, thanks!

 

It sounds like you have a diamond there, just enjoy her.

She absolutely is. The three weeks have been super easy with her and she's adapting to her new environment like a champ. I'm super happy to have her here.

[robinw]

When I adopted my first Greyhound I was convinced that he hated me. He seemed so reserved compared to other dogs I’d lived with. It took me a while to realize that everything was so new to him would take a while for him to feel comfortable. The more I relaxed, the more he relaxed. Everything will be great.

[greysmom]

Your greyhound is very used to being handled, so I doubt she's anxious about that aspect of it. And sometimes lip licking is just lip licking! As long as you're not trying to "trap" her or hug her longer than she wants, I think you should just relax a bit and enjoy your new girl!

 

FWIW

The thing we always do with our new greyhounds is let them dictate when and how they want to receive affection until we can tell they are comfortable and settled. We let them come up to us and leave us when they want. Avoid head petting as that can sometimes create anxiety - unless they really like, then you rub them! No extended bed pets (either our bed or theirs) unless they are happy and wanting more. This time of settling in is as much about YOU learning about HER as it is the other way around.

[NeylasMom]

Sounds like you have a lovely girl there and I think it's great that you are so in tune with and sensitive to her body language. My experience is it's pretty common for greyhounds to appear a bit conflicted like this when getting attention, especially when they're new in the home. Since she is soliciting the attention, I wouldn't worry about it at all. To be safe you can make sure she has an easy exit option if it becomes overwhelming for her, or pause briefly to see if she solicits further attention, but I really don't think you have anything to worry about.

 

As a sidebar, and not directed at you at all, this is where I get on my soapbox about the term "calming signals" and how much I wish Turid Rugaas would have never proposed the idea. I think it's pretty unlikely dogs use these signals as calming signals, especially with us since they know we're not dogs. I prefer to think of them as stress signals - they're just things that indicate the dog is stressed, scared, or conflicted. Animals already use what we've termed "appeasement signals" when they want to indicate they're no harm (things like lowering themselves to the ground, rolling over, averting their gaze, etc.) to deter conflict.