Bad Influences

[Guest aceyouknow]

Hi All,

 

Cyrus has been with me for about 5 months and has settled quite well. He's very much the dog I was looking for and I couldn't be more pleased. My problem is however not with him, but with the human I live with. I originally adopted Cyrus with my live in bf, who is now my live in ex-bf... I haven't moved out yet because he pays for some of Cy's care and the rent is cheap. Neither of us owned dogs before him, but I was way more committed to the idea of dog ownership than him (he's a selfish manchild). Needless to say I'm way more in tune with Cy's needs and behavior.

 

About a month after we got him there was one occasion when Cy growled at me when I tried to take a high value food treat away from him. I immediately recognized this as a problem and started adjusting my behavior to discourage resource guarding and he hasn't done it in the months since or so I thought. When I brought it up to the ex he seemed very unconcerned at the time since he'd never growled at him, I didn't push the issue because I didn't want to be obnoxious about it. Forward a few months and I'm upstairs and Cy and the ex are downstairs and I hear a sharp single bark. Cy rarely barks and it's only ever been at cats and men he doesn't know. Kitty was in bed with me, so I go downstairs and Cy is laying on the sofa in front of the ex. The ex plays it off like 'oh, he just barked'. Knowing how little he barks I'm concerned by this. I look around the arm of the sofa and I see a shredded wad of foil. I promptly tell him to drop it ad Cy does without issue. Turns out the ex was eating a burger and Cy took the wrapper off the table and barked at him when he reached for it. I asked why he was allowing him to continue chewing on foil and he finally admit that he didn't want to get bitten since he'd recently growled at him when he left chicken wings on the table and Cy got a hold of them. I rage at this because of how hard I've been working to discourage bad behavior. I asked our other roommate about it and he said he growled once when he was eating but stopped after he gave a firm leave it command. Once a dog gets a reputation for biting, no matter the reason, it will carry a label. I don't want that for my dog, he's been through enough in his life to be punished for idiot humans.

 

Obviously I can't police where the ex eats in his own house, but clearly he's setting him up for failure by eating high value foods in face and being lazy about disposing properly. Who knows how long this has been going on. Until I can get my own place, having another person to look after him for free when I'm not around is a helpful. He's mostly ok with my requests for his care, but he's just very lax and isn't as concerned (hence the ex title).

 

Anyone out there have any advice for dealing with bad influences on your dogs or people that undo the work you've put in? I tried to explain all the reasons why it's a problem and what he should do in the future should Cy react again, but he's so hard headed!

[Brandiandwe]

My experience is that everyone needs to be on the same page. I'm in charge of he dogs DH does as he's told, mostly. But we also talk and have an ongoing relationship.

 

Personally, I'd move out, taking your dog with you. Ex relationships are difficult enough without having to deal with someone who isn't on board with your dog's safety.

[Guest aceyouknow]

My experience is that everyone needs to be on the same page. I'm in charge of he dogs DH does as he's told, mostly. But we also talk and have an ongoing relationship.

 

Personally, I'd move out, taking your dog with you. Ex relationships are difficult enough without having to deal with someone who isn't on board with your dog's safety.

 

Trust, I'm looking to move out soon. Ideally, I'd be leaving the city and getting my own place but I can't until I have enough saved up and it's cheaper rent than anywhere I'd fine on my own. It's amazing how much you're willing to overlook while in a relationship that now becomes unbearable after it ends. I'm not in a position to boss him and for him to do as he's told anymore. We've been mostly adult about the breakup, but I can admit I still harbor a lot of resentment towards the way things ended that make having a rational conversation difficult sometimes. I don't think he's intentionally trying to harm him but he can be pretty ignorant about things and I don't want Cyrus to suffer as a result.

[FiveRoooooers]

...when he left chicken wings on the table and Cy got a hold of them. This is not good at all. Leaving stuff around for Cy to ingest could lead to a hefty vet bill, plus the added trauma for Cy and drama for the humans. Perhaps pointing this out might help make your point. Very best of luck as you go forward.

[Guest aceyouknow]

...when he left chicken wings on the table and Cy got a hold of them. This is not good at all. Leaving stuff around for Cy to ingest could lead to a hefty vet bill, plus the added trauma for Cy and drama for the humans. Perhaps pointing this out might help make your point. Very best of luck as you go forward.

 

I got on his case about that. He isn't the one that's going to drive the dog to the e-vet at 3am when he's got a bone lodged in his throat. It's not a great situation.

[NeylasMom]

I'm not sure you'll get much advice here except to move out. You can do behavior modification to reduce the resource guarding behavior, but that's not going to do anything to prevent the potential health risks of people leaving dangerous things out for him to ingest.

I personally wouldn't want to have people I didn't trust to follow my instructions caring for my dog. If you can't move out right now, what about modifying things so they have less access to him alone - taking him with you sometimes, keeping him crated or gated somewhere, etc. Do you think they would at least follow an instruction to crate him while they eat and until everything has been cleaned up? They could give him something yummy like a stuffed frozen kong to work on while crated so he's occupied. That would be the safest option until you are on your own.

Edited October 21, 2016 by NeylasMom

[FiveRoooooers]

I think you mentioned the xBF is paying some of Cy's bills. Even half of a large vet bill might be something he would like to avoid. Just saying. The obvious is not to have Cy have to go through an event in the first place.

[DofSweetPotatos]

Could you perhaps ask your adoption group to have someone foster him for a month or two while you get your bearings on a new place?

At least you know he would be in safe and savvy hands.

[greysmom]

The most simple answer is to keep him with you when you are in the apartment, and to crate him or baby gate him in your room when you're not.

[Guest aceyouknow]

Thanks everyone I guess it's not really a situation that can be fixed unless we remove ourselves from the situation. Cyrus does actually spend a lot of time away from the house with me, but on Mondays when I'm at work the ex is home all day. I don't think it's fair to keep him in the crate all day when someone is in the house, especially since the reason he has the day off to begin with is for the dog. I think I will ask him to at least start crating him when he's eating and to leave him until after he's done to see if that helps.

[GeorgeofNE]

Move out.

 

He doesn't need to be "taken care of" all day. MOST dogs in the US spend our human workday at home, alone, sleeping.

 

Despite what you might read on Greytalk, a healthy adult dog is perfectly capable of doing this, provided it gets ample exercise and is on a schedule that allows time for elimination.

 

It's not fair to the dog to have two "sort of" owners, each telling him/teaching him different things.