New And Anxious

[Guest picopaco]

Hello! I'm new to dog ownership and must confess I have worked myself into quite a tizzy since adopting our 2-year old a couple weeks ago. I've always been uneasy around large dogs, particularly those that bark or come on hyper or aggressive. Over the last few months, I started thinking that it would be nice to have a dog companion to add to my little family unit of my husband and me. We did a lot of research about what breed would be the best fit and eventually settled on a greyhound. I've known quite a few people who have adopted them from rescues and what most appealed to me was how they are docile, don't bark, and are characterized as one of the least aggressive (toward humans) breeds. But when we adopted our grey, I suddenly found myself face to face with the reality that this is a large, strong dog, with very quick reflexes who hasn't necessarily been socialized to being the family pet. I felt scared, especially the more I read on forums like this.

 

So far, my grey seems very sweet: she hasn't growled or shown any signs of a problem being touched wherever. She's very playful and puppy-like: she loves her toys and we can take them from her to toss and she'll keep coming back (my husband and friends do this: I'm afraid she will get possessive). Also has been good with friends stopping by to visit. But with all this reading, I've been very cautious with her... I won't touch her when she's laying down, I clap loud to wake her up before approaching, and we have a no people furniture rule. My husband and dog-loving friends who visit think I'm being silly. They pet her on her bed, handle her with no fear of her getting uncomfortable etc. And thus far the grey seems totally cool with it. BUT I'M VERY NERVOUS as this is going on. I'm just waiting for her to growl, snap or bite my husband or friend. I feel that it's my responsibility as a dog owner to make sure she doesn't cause harm to others, but I also realize that I'm probably worrying far too much, hyper vigilant about her body signals, tensing up as my friends and husband touch and handle her and on and on. And they all laugh at me pointing out how sweet she is and calm she seems during all this (if not outright happy wagging her tail). Instead I focus on possibilities, based on what I see online about people getting bit in the face by their grey. About how their grey was fine at first and showed space aggression later. And on and on. I feel that this worry is harming my ability to bond with the grey, since I'm so cautious about touching or playing with her.

 

Not sure what I'm seeking here: perhaps some rational reassurance?

[GeorgeofNE]

You need to contact the group you got the dog from and share with them your concerns. Just because they should be kept in the loop with her progress and your feelings about her.

 

Did you specifically ask for a very young dog? Older dogs are generally a lot easier to deal with for someone like you who is clearly unsure of herself!

 

You can't have the only two people in the house with two different sets of rules. If you don't want the dog on the furniture, but your husband allows it, she's going to be very confused quite quickly. She will also sense that you are afraid of her.

 

I am lucky; my parents had dogs before they had kids so I literally grew up with large dogs, and I'll share a secret with you--the only dog who ever bit me was a 7 pound Chihuahua! If you don't like playing tug of war with the dog, don't. But fetch is a fun game for her, and the more you bond with her, the more your fears will ease. But please sit down with hubby and agree on what is and isn't OK before a problem develops!

 

Deep breath!!

[Guest picopaco]

Oh, sorry I didn't make this clear: my husband and I have the same rules for her. The difference is that my husband is not at all fearful about handling her and approaching her while she is on her dog bed. I like this dog and don't want to trade her in: we wanted a younger dog so that was definitely our choice. I want to manage my anxiety and get past this as I have about other ridiculous fears in the past

Edited January 14, 2016 by picopaco

[locket]

You need to relax This forum is mainly for people who are having PROBLEMS, but there is plenty of other dogs that are fine, so we don't write about them

I'll share my experience, maybe it will ease some of your fears When we got Jack, he was a BIG male, recently neutered, full of hormones and unsure of this new world. He was food possessive, toy possessive from DAY 1. He let us know he was inconfortable by being very still and if the inconfort was still present (i.e. we didn't leave) he would growl. We worked with him (feeding by hand, trading game for toy possessiveness) and now he rarely growls, unless he is playing. He will playbow to us and growl, go figure, but it is in no way a mean thing.

He wasn't furniture/bed possessive and was ok with us coming up to him to pet him from day 1 and that never changed. If we saw he was unconfortable (standing very still, eyes looking away, lips licking) we left, but that happened only when a toy he had was close or something, so more toy possessiveness than bed possessiveness. He didn't develop possessiveness and now 1 year in, I don't think he will ever.

It is important that she bounds with you and your mutual trust will increase each day You don't have to make YOU uncomfortable to do so. If you are not comfortable petting her when she is on her bed, don't. Instead, call her to you Or toss her a cookie and then pet her. She will get very positive associations from you. She seems like she is a very affectionate dog with no issues, so you might want to take a bunch of cookies and give them to her throughout the day, do some training, go for a walk just the 2 of you, that is all great ways to bond! Remember, not all dogs go through the same adaptation period, what you read on here were the worst cases. And also remember that a growl (if it ever happens) is a good thing, she is letting you know she is unconfortable, you back off, nothing is wrong with that That's the only way dogs can communicate.

Maybe if someone has the link to the calming signals you could read through that and learn to recognize them.

Definitely talk to your adoption group as they can come up with ideas and you could discuss the specific situations.

Hope that helps

Edited January 14, 2016 by locket

[FiveRoooooers]

Yep, breathe. The only thing I want to say is that by being fearful and anxious about possible behavior, your dog is being set up for exactly that, and to fail. Pretty much you get what you expect. Anxiety and fearfulness transmit right down from you to your dog who then says "omg, she's afraid and anxious, what did I do, what do I need to do, what is going on??". Breathe. Expect her to be good. Don't set her up to fail. Greyhounds are wonderful dogs and like snowflakes each one is different. She sounds like a lovely girl and it is very good (and important) that both you and DH are on the same page. Good luck!

[Guest picopaco]

Yep, breathe. The only thing I want to say is that by being fearful and anxious about possible behavior, your dog is being set up for exactly that, and to fail. Pretty much you get what you expect. Anxiety and fearfulness transmit right down from you to your dog who then says "omg, she's afraid and anxious, what did I do, what do I need to do, what is going on??". Breathe. Expect her to be good. Don't set her up to fail. Greyhounds are wonderful dogs and like snowflakes each one is different. She sounds like a lovely girl and it is very good (and important) that both you and DH are on the same page. Good luck!

I hear what you're saying. She really does seem like a sweetie!

[Roo]

The reason you're reading so much that's worrisome to you is because people with dogs who don't have issues like space aggression and sleep startle don't post about how great and stress-free their dogs are

 

My first was a total love - you could do whatever you wanted to him, hang all over him, snuggle him on his bed, etc. I was terrified of dogs (all dogs, puppies, small dogs, big dogs - you name it, I didn't want to go near it) when we adopted Regis. I was 7 and he seemed HUGE. But his quiet demeanor and patient attitude showed me how dogs aren't actually things to be afraid of. Our second didn't like us being on or near her bed when she was on it. She let us know with a growl (that we didn't correct her for - we heeded the warning!). It took us a couple growls to realize that she wasn't going to change her mind, so we stopped bothering her and she ended up being the perfect dog - she just didn't want us near her when she was sleeping.

 

My suggestions are these...

 

There's a big difference between being aware of potential issues and being preoccupied by the potential for problems. It's a very good thing to be aware of the possibility that a dog might not like someone being in her space when she's laying down. It's not a good thing to worry yourself so much with it. So try your best to stop fretting. I know, it's so easy to say it and not at all easy to do it (take it from me - I'm practically a professional fretter!). But the more you worry, the more she'll pick up on this, and this can lead her to develop the bad behaviors you're so worried about. This doesn't mean you should trash the rules and suddenly let her all over your furniture and try to hang out with her on her bed, but it does mean not to panic if your husband or friends pet her when she's laying down. If seeing them do this really bothers you and makes you anxious, leave the room or tell them to stop (your friends, by the way, should respect the rules you've created for your dog whether they 'think you're being silly' or not - it's just polite!). Your pup will let you know if she decides she doesn't like it. And if she does growl when someone is petting her while she's on her bed, don't reprimand her! Take the growl as what it is - communication - and stop doing whatever caused her to growl. If I remember correctly, a lot of the stories of bites triggered by space aggression happened because the person had either ignored previous warnings or chastised the dog for growling in the past so the dog leapt right to a bite that "came out of nowhere". This isn't to say that all bites happened this way, of course, but it's still important to remember.

 

I'd also stop clapping loudly to wake her up - instead, call her name. For most dogs, a loud clap is really startling and is usually associated with something bad. Personally, I clap to stop my pup from licking the trashcan (a new favorite past-time!) or chewing on the floor (she's decided that knots are probably food, since she can't see very well anymore, and will just stand in the kitchen and try to get the knot out of the hardwood because it MIGHT be tasty ) Since your pup is just sleeping, I wouldn't clap at her like she's done something wrong.

 

Finally, breathe! A new dog is always a stressful experience for the first little while. It's especially difficult if you're not already comfortable around dogs. Take her for walks, give her treats and do some training, play with her with her toys (if it makes you more comfortable to not remove a toy from her mouth, have two and alternate - when she brings the first back, show her the second and shake it around until she drops the first one, then toss the second one for her). It'll take time, of course, for you to become comfortable, but your pup sounds like a great girl. What's her name?

[Guest picopaco]

 

Finally, breathe! A new dog is always a stressful experience for the first little while. It's especially difficult if you're not already comfortable around dogs. Take her for walks, give her treats and do some training, play with her with her toys (if it makes you more comfortable to not remove a toy from her mouth, have two and alternate - when she brings the first back, show her the second and shake it around until she drops the first one, then toss the second one for her). It'll take time, of course, for you to become comfortable, but your pup sounds like a great girl. What's her name?

 

You said it! The whole new routine, house breaking, figuring out how to leave work at lunch and on and on is definitely more stressful than I anticipated! Is it a bad idea to play tug of war with the plushy toys? She seems to like it. Her name is Suki!

[dmdsmoxie]

Have you checked to see your pups reaction when you touch her while she is sleeping? If not I would take a broom handle or anything in your house that you can touch her with while she is sleeping and see what happens. She may just look at you and say why are you poking me with that broom.

 

I would have a treat ready and if there is no reaction I would say good girl and give her her treat.

 

As others have said you only see threads about a dog that reacts to touching while sleeping. In all my years on GT I have never seen a thread started that said, I touched my dog and nothing happened. LOL

[FiveRoooooers]

Have you checked to see your pups reaction when you touch her while she is sleeping? If not I would take a broom handle or anything in your house that you can touch her with while she is sleeping and see what happens. She may just look at you and say why are you poking me with that broom.

 

I would have a treat ready and if there is no reaction I would say good girl and give her her treat.

 

As others have said you only see threads about a dog that reacts to touching while sleeping. In all my years on GT I have never seen a thread started that said, I touched my dog and nothing happened. LOL

Excellent post!

[Guest picopaco]

 

As others have said you only see threads about a dog that reacts to touching while sleeping. In all my years on GT I have never seen a thread started that said, I touched my dog and nothing happened. LOL

 

Maybe we should start!

[Fruitycake]

You may want to look up treatments for phobias, because you sound like that may be what you are battling. Phobias can be horribly hard to 'rationalize' away, but there are things you can do to help. I agree that your automatic tension when others are doing things like petting her on her bed or whatnot may be transmitted to her (and make her wonder what there is that is dangerous...and should she be nervous too?). I agree that you should leave the area when you get tense about things that don't appear to be bothering the others, so your tension doesn't spread and *you* can relax. That will probably help you deal with those situations later, after you have gotten more relaxed in general around her. That said, be absolutely certain that everyone agrees that at the first sign (and there may never be any) that she is uncomfortable that people back away from her and give her space.

 

I agree with the suggestions of your setting up situations where you both are comfortable, like easy walks, tossing (or hand feeding, if you can) treats to her when the two of you are happy and calm. Seeing her happily munching on a treat can make you feel good, because it feels good to be the giver of good things!

 

Our Monty hasn't got an aggressive atom in his body, and from day one we have been able to do anything with him. That doesn't mean we bother him, but we can move him, trim nails, put our hands in his dish when he's eating, take anything from him, and he trusts us enough to let us. We don't abuse the privilege, but in an emergency we can. Some dogs are this placid.

 

I am a little disappointed that your husband seems to be making fun of your nervousness. That is NOT going to help. He should be supportive, because phobias can be hell, and being mocked (even gently) just makes the phobic person feel bad about the fear, adding a layer of bad feeling (embarrassment and shame) to an already bad feeling (fear). That decreases the odds that the fear will easily be surmounted. Like punishing a dog for being afraid of thunderstorms, or fireworks, or other dogs, or slick floors doesn't help them. (I have been working for years on acrophobia, and my husband is a great help in supporting me, but letting me tackle only the things I feel I can - he never pushes because 'you won't fall! Shesh!' like some people have.)

[Guest picopaco]

I am a little disappointed that your husband seems to be making fun of your nervousness. That is NOT going to help. He should be supportive, because phobias can be hell, and being mocked (even gently) just makes the phobic person feel bad about the fear, adding a layer of bad feeling (embarrassment and shame) to an already bad feeling (fear). That decreases the odds that the fear will easily be surmounted. Like punishing a dog for being afraid of thunderstorms, or fireworks, or other dogs, or slick floors doesn't help them. (I have been working for years on acrophobia, and my husband is a great help in supporting me, but letting me tackle only the things I feel I can - he never pushes because 'you won't fall! Shesh!' like some people have.)

 

I appreciate what you're saying, but it actually helps diffuse my tension--he knows just how to pick on me I will heed the advice about leaving the room if I can't have a calm demeanor. We have been doing lots together: walks, tossing toys, petting and feeding I've read about the calming signals, but maybe it's all too subtle for me and I'm not even certain if the signals mean I should stop what I'm doing or that she is just proving she's harmless. For example, she came up wanting a pet earlier and licked her lips and gave a yawn. But I didn't get the impression she didn't want the pet: she was standing and could have walked away. I read this about "calming signals": "Calming signals are a set of body language skills which dogs use to maintain healthy relationships and resolve conflict without having to resort to aggressive behaviors. These signals often occur early in interactions, as soon as a dog becomes aware that a situation may need “calming down.” This facet of canine communication is designed to help dogs calm themselves and others in the face of stress. Additionally, many dogs make use of calming signals in an effort to simply show goodwill."

Edited January 14, 2016 by picopaco

[NeedlenoseJake]

I would try to focus on your anxiety and getting that lower. As someone else suggested, try hand-feeding her kibble. Jake is my first dog and I was a little afraid of him. We've had him almost two years and I'm still a little cautious, but now I know what he likes and doesn't like. If it takes a growl to get there, that's okay. As time goes on you will learn what she likes and doesn't like. In the meantime, try to relax and give her love while she's standing up. Maybe this won't be helpful (I hope it is), but Jake bit DH once on the arm (apparently he doesn't like being dried off with a towel!) and DH is fine and we still love Jake. We just learned that he doesn't like towels!

 

Maybe we should start!

Hi, my name is Carla and my dog is not bed aggressive...

[greytpups]

Four greyhounds later, none of ours have had space issues or sleep agression. In fact, none of my friends' greyhlounds do either. I can pet our greyhounds while they are sleeping and they don't react, so they do exist.

 

Suki will pick up on your anxiety, perhaps that's why she licked her lips and yawned when she came to you.

[Guest picopaco]

Oh no... now I feel terrible as I notice that often when I pet her or call her up for a walk and put the leash on her that she's licking lips and sometimes yawning. I'm stressing her out Or is this the normal adjustment of being a new adoptee still unsure of herself?

[smurfette]

Hi, my name is Carla and my dog is not bed aggressive...

I'm with you. Hi, my name is Nadine and my dogs are not bed aggressive, either. They love to cuddle with DH and I (or is it me?)on their or our beds.

[Guest k9soul]

I agree with many others about trying not to read too much into things. Sometimes a bit of lip licking or a yawn can be just excitement or anticipation of something good, too. She may simply be excited about walks or attention. As a sufferer of anxiety myself, I would also encourage you to take steps to work on your own anxiety levels as well. A high anxiety level can affect every perception, and since the dog is the "new" thing your brain may be choosing that to focus on. When I got my first grey I had a lot of various anxieties myself. Now when I look back I laugh to myself about how big I blew some things up in my mind. I would avoid reading threads about problem behaviors since you really aren't having them and they can only serve to feed into the hyper-vigilance you describe.

[NeedlenoseJake]

. I would avoid reading threads about problem behaviors since you really aren't having them and they can only serve to feed into the hyper-vigilance you describe.

Great advice! Read the "Cute and Funny" thread instead!

[Feisty49]

I have only one Greyhound, for 4-1-2 years, so I have little experience compared to so many others here, but many people post here looking for advice about problems. Not that many of us post about our no-problem dogs.

 

Annie was 3-1/2 when I adopted her. From day #1, she was a bit skittish about some things (small spaces such as a narrow hall) but never skittish about me, other people or the cat. I could pet her, take food from her, take a toy, give her a very small treat and she's gently take it with her lips, hug her, kiss her, fuss over her, go to her when she's laying down and scratch her belly. She never once, even when scared in a small space (or what she considered a narrow space, which by the way her anxiety about that is 100% better) showed any aggression. She's never growled in all the years I've had her. She barks maybe twice a year.

 

So there are many Greyhounds who don't have any issues at all. There are many hounds that are laid back and have a real I-don't-care attitude: just love me, feed me, love me again, give me scritches and a comfy bed, and don't forget the treats, a few toys and lots of love.

 

We'd like to see a picture of your girl!

Edited January 14, 2016 by Feisty49

[Guest xengab]

HI! My husband was afraid of large dogs too. But guess what, NOT messing with them when they are laying down IS FINE! Just perfectly fine! I ALWAYS say my dogs name before touching him, because I myself HATE being touched in my sleep. In return my dog always whines or very softly barks before nosing my back when I am asleep and he needs something.

 

Guess what, not all greys are sleep aggressive, some are, some arent. If the grey growls, back up and you wont get bit. My bog LICKS his lips when happy or about to be a big goof.

 

Take a deep breath, yawn. ROOO! OMG! that is so relaxing to do...LOL

 

Ive had my big boy nearly 6 months, my husband who was very nervous around dogs before is now very calm around him.

As for furniture, we DONT let him on the couch or the bed, our choice and our space. Life goes on and if it makes YOU feel more relaxed then great.

The ONLY time my grey nearly bit me was very recently when he needed a bandage taken off his toe, it was very tender and he COULD have hurt me, but guess what, he snapped NEAR my arm, growled and let me know OUCH! I backed off, and a second later he was rubbing my legs with his head just as he normally is.

 

Please relax, they are good dogs. Not all are unsocial or not used to people. MOST want to make us happy.

 

My advice, enroll you and your pup into a doggy social obedience class, many have ones for rescue dogs that arent puppies. You'll be taught how to train your dog and in return your dog will see you are in charge of things. Builds BOTH your confidences. This IS a fear you can get over with time. These are good dogs.

 

As for yawning, remember they sleep a lot, mine is always yawning and stretching before a walk. Its yawning while on a walk you watch for.

[Guest picopaco]

That's comforting to hear about others who were initially scared. I know I can get past this.

That's comforting to hear about others who were initially scared. I know I can get past this.

[JohnF]

Your dog is a good dog, she's sending you Calming Signals ... knowingly working with you to help make things OK.

[Guest picopaco]

Your dog is a good dog, she's sending you Calming Signals ... knowingly working with you to help make things OK.

Aw I love that... She has more intelligence than me

[smurfette]

No no, she just can speak "dog" as a native speaker. You are simply a beginner.