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She Doesn't Like The Bf... Why? Please Help!


Guest OhCatastrophe
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Guest OhCatastrophe

So Cleo, my new grey, doesn't seem to like my boyfriend and I'm not sure what to do... She snapped(and did bite but not hard) at him when he went to pick her toy up (kind of understandable) but she's never done that with me or mom, nor is she food aggressive with me. He's over here very often, everyday. Today she tried nipping at him as he passed by her.. Seemed to be for no reason that time. Now my household is very thence and he's pissed at her and "hates her" now.. I don't know why she's doing that or what I can do to prevent it.. I've tried having him give her treats and stuff, works for a bit but not long term.. HELP...

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Two different things going on. 1) He's a guy. Guys have deep voices. Guys are much bigger physically than girls. They have louder voices and rougher ways of speaking, moving, acting. It's nothing personal. He's just a guy. 2) She's resource guarding things that are important to her from a person she perceives as less important than her in the household. He doesn't live there and he has no part in her day-to-day care.

 

Remember that her life has been bounded by the comforting kennel she's lived in. She's always been awakened before anyone opens her door. No one ever would try and take away anything from her. What she had was hers, where she slept was hers, what she ate was hers. It's not a good or bad thing, t's just what it is.

 

Both things are very normal for a dog new to the household. She's not being aggressive or disobedient. Growling and nipping are the only ways she has to say what she needs to say. If she wanted to bite and to cause an injury, she definitely could. But she doesn't want to do that, she only wants to get her point across. If you discipline her sharply to stop these behaviors, she will learn to skip over them and may move on to a more aggressive form of communications. A better way of dealing with them is to build up her level of trust gradually over time. Then, the behaviors will disappear on their own.

 

If you or your boyfriend need to take a toy or treat (or anything else she considers "high value") you should use the "trade up" method. Give her a higher value treat - something really yummy - and while she's eating it, take away the lower value item. This requires some coordination between giving hand and taking hand, otherwise she'll just swallow the treat and try and bite the hand taking her stuffy away.

 

We have a few firm rules in our house, and one of them is to let a sleeping dog alone. Sleep startling is also very common for greyhounds new to home life. Some can startle awake and nip even at someone who's just walking by their bed. We always make sure the dog is awake and aware before trying to interact with them. Awake AND aware. As many greyhounds have a habit of sleeping with thier eyes open - they look awake, but they're really not. Call her name, throw a small toy on her or a pair of rolled up socks, or anything to make sure she's awake, and give her a small yummy treat. If she's is awake, keep a small bowl of yummy treats near her bed and give her one every time you walk by. This can take a week or two.

 

The treats will work, but you haven;t done it for nearly long enough. She's had a lifetime to learn these habits and it's going to take more than an hour or two to release them. Tell your BF to get a grip and lighten up. "Hating" a dog for doing normal behaviors is a bit over the top. She knows how he feels about her, and it's not helping.

Chris - Mom to: Lilly, Felicity (DeLand), and Andi (Braska Pandora)

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Angels: Libby (Everlast), Dorie (Dog Gone Holly), Dude (TNJ VooDoo), Copper (Kid's Copper), Cash (GSI Payncash), Toni (LPH Cry Baby), Whiskey (KT's Phys Ed), Atom

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Guest OhCatastrophe

Two different things going on. 1) He's a guy. Guys have deep voices. Guys are much bigger physically than girls. They have louder voices and rougher ways of speaking, moving, acting. It's nothing personal. He's just a guy. 2) She's resource guarding things that are important to her from a person she perceives as less important than her in the household. He doesn't live there and he has no part in her day-to-day care.

 

Remember that her life has been bounded by the comforting kennel she's lived in. She's always been awakened before anyone opens her door. No one ever would try and take away anything from her. What she had was hers, where she slept was hers, what she ate was hers. It's not a good or bad thing, t's just what it is.

 

Both things are very normal for a dog new to the household. She's not being aggressive or disobedient. Growling and nipping are the only ways she has to say what she needs to say. If she wanted to bite and to cause an injury, she definitely could. But she doesn't want to do that, she only wants to get her point across. If you discipline her sharply to stop these behaviors, she will learn to skip over them and may move on to a more aggressive form of communications. A better way of dealing with them is to build up her level of trust gradually over time. Then, the behaviors will disappear on their own.

 

If you or your boyfriend need to take a toy or treat (or anything else she considers "high value") you should use the "trade up" method. Give her a higher value treat - something really yummy - and while she's eating it, take away the lower value item. This requires some coordination between giving hand and taking hand, otherwise she'll just swallow the treat and try and bite the hand taking her stuffy away.

 

We have a few firm rules in our house, and one of them is to let a sleeping dog alone. Sleep startling is also very common for greyhounds new to home life. Some can startle awake and nip even at someone who's just walking by their bed. We always make sure the dog is awake and aware before trying to interact with them. Awake AND aware. As many greyhounds have a habit of sleeping with thier eyes open - they look awake, but they're really not. Call her name, throw a small toy on her or a pair of rolled up socks, or anything to make sure she's awake, and give her a small yummy treat. If she's is awake, keep a small bowl of yummy treats near her bed and give her one every time you walk by. This can take a week or two.

 

The treats will work, but you haven;t done it for nearly long enough. She's had a lifetime to learn these habits and it's going to take more than an hour or two to release them. Tell your BF to get a grip and lighten up. "Hating" a dog for doing normal behaviors is a bit over the top. She knows how he feels about her, and it's not helping.

Thank you so much, this really did help us. And hopefully he can understand that she's not trying to be aggressive. He keeps telling me that he's never had a dog act that way towards him and I keep reminding him that these Greys are different... Also he said he doesn't want to be around her anymore unless she has her muzzle on and I just don't think that's quite right... Right now I'm just keeping them separate because he doesn't want to try. He got attacked by a dog as a child so I think after the first warning she gave he was hesitant around her and she could feel that... He's just so hard headed. Having more problems with him in this situation than the doggie... Lol
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Guest Jesse12789

ehh rough situation sorry. ya i agree with the first poster. he needs to learn to lighten up and be more patient. i think overtime the situation will get better.BF probably not making the situation better he might be getting a little jelouse over the situation. maybe just have him have treats every time he comes over and right when he walks in he gives her a tsty treat so possibly over time she associates him coming over with positive thoughts. and over time shes like hey this guys prett cool i get a treat every time he comes through that door. lol. who knows couldnt hurt.

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Guest OhCatastrophe

ehh rough situation sorry. ya i agree with the first poster. he needs to learn to lighten up and be more patient. i think overtime the situation will get better.BF probably not making the situation better he might be getting a little jelouse over the situation. maybe just have him have treats every time he comes over and right when he walks in he gives her a tsty treat so possibly over time she associates him coming over with positive thoughts. and over time shes like hey this guys prett cool i get a treat every time he comes through that door. lol. who knows couldnt hurt.

I may just try that! I was also going to try to work him into my routine when he can (feeding her)!

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Guest Jesse12789

I may just try that! I was also going to try to work him into my routine when he can (feeding her)!

that couldnt hurt anything i say pretty much anything positive let him do as well if she gets super excited going for a walk ley him put the leash on her and walk her.stuff like that maybe he just needs to be a little more active in the positive things.... and no more taking toys from her lol that was probably a step back. lol

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It may be best if he didn't really try to interact with her much except for the things she wants the most, like those mentioned above, treats, meals, and walks if she's thrilled for them. Tell him to giver her some space for a while, like a week. Every time he comes in the room he can gently toss her a treat. If he goes to walk by he can toss her a treat. The idea isn't to bride her but to have her form a positive association. Later on like a week or two down the line, the treats at those times are cut back & then ultimately phased out. If she comes to him for attention then certainly let him give her gentle pets in places you know she likes. Allow her to walk away when she wishes.

 

My suspicion is that she is a little scared & uncertain. Some dogs handle that situation differently. Some would run & hide. Others just shut down, don't move & hope it all just ends soon. Some take a more, um, proactive approach. While she never snapped or nipped, my first Grey did bark at my boyfriend every time he came into the room. Every time. We live together. He came with me to adopt her. She was fine with him once he was in the room it was just something about him entering the room that scared her. He does have sort of a "fee fi fo fum" giant footsteps way of walking & he stomps coming down the stairs. In every other way he is a quiet, gentle, passive guy who every other dog has loved. So maybe my girl just found his loud way of walking scary. We were never sure but it went on for the first weeks she was with us. It hurt his feelings & I found it most unnerving. (But it was only fair because MY cats had decided they liked BF better than me. Harumph!!) It got better after the first week & steadily improved from there. Give it time.Good luck.

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i agree with both comments posted. if your boyfriend totally ignores her she will eventually come around and figure him out. annie was mortified of my son in law, she ran to the far end of the house and hid. he's a talk, dark and handsome spainard who adores dogs(the kids have 2 rescues). he has always played soccer and kidded around w/ our other greyhound but annie just didn't trust the fun loving behavior he shows dogs. when annie finally approached nacho(sil) he sat still and that was it. eventually annie's casual look developed into taking a treat. she now rubs up and looks for pets from him.

 

btw...when i was dating and had one of my salukis the only person my saluki approved of is now.......my husband(36 years later). dogs do are a good judge of character.

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The suggestion that bf treat her when he comes over sounds like a great tip, but I'd be more concerned about the bf's behaviour. I once had a bf that "hated" my cat. But being young and inexperienced, I didn't see that as the omen it was; and married the jerk anyway. But now that I've learned a hard lesson, I would also think long and hard about someone's character, if my pet didn't like someone.

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I agree also that 'hating' the dog is over the top. And POSSIBLY a warning if the controller/isolator/abuser sort of person. Most likely he is just unnerved, but do pay attention, it may be Cleo is onto something there. If Homer didn't like someone I would assume there was something wrong going with that person!

 

If the BF makes an honest effort I would give him a chance to stick around. If he pulls the jealousy/keep her away when I'm here attitude, then he needs to get shown the door and then ignore the drama sure to follow.

 

Isolating behaviors, forcing others to choose them over pets, then friends, then family is a pattern to be on the lookout for. I had a friend who went through those classic stages--the wife insisted the dog go to the pound (not even rehoming), and it was years before the poor guy was able to un-entangle from her manipulations. By then there were no friends, family was estranged and he had been placed in a financial hole...and it started with the pet not liking and being 'jealous' of her.

 

Rather extreme and you don't need to be paranoid, but IIRC you are younger, and may not know these type if warning signals. Of course,he may just be scared of her too, and she may just be anxious with the guy factor (lord knows Xena has that problem to the nth degree). But do keep your radar going.

 

Hopefully the great recommendations about treats and time will be all it takes. But, if you find yourself about to give up your dog, or restrict her access to you because of a third party, stop and think.

 

Cathy

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Suzie aka  CBJ Fly Sonic (b. 07 Feb 2015) and missing:
Homer aka Atoscocita Homer (05 Oct 2010- 16 Nov 2021)
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Agree with all the previous responses except for one small detail. I doubt Cleo perceives your boyfriend as less important than her in the household. More likely she is scared and uncertain of him, as kudzu suggested. You've only had Cleo for about a week, not nearly enough time for her to learn to fully trust and bond with each family member, much less someone who doesn't live there full time.

 

My female greyhound Willow has some shy tendencies and doesn't trust men she doesn't know. She's nipped at my dad several times in situations similar to what you describe with Cleo and your boyfriend. This behavior stopped after she got to know my dad better, and he's also careful not to startle her, approach too quickly when she's lying down, or lean over her - all things that can scare an insecure dog. If your BF understands that she's acting the way she does because she's scared and unsure of him, hopefully that will change how he feels about her.

 

Also, just wanted to comment that there's nothing wrong with using her muzzle. Greyhounds are very accustomed to wearing their muzzles, and it's a good safety precaution. If your BF is nervous around her because she bit him (understandable, especially since you mention he got attacked by a dog as a child), the muzzle may help him be more comfortable and confident around her. You can still give her treats through the muzzle, and use it until the both get more trusting of each other.

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If it were me, he would not be welcome in my home if he "hated" my dog.

 

Love me, love my dog, or adios.

 

Dogs are pretty good judges of character. Do you need a "hard headed" man who hates your dog in your life? I sure wouldn't!

 

Having said that, perhaps you can hang out at HIS place. Or he can take you out on lovely dinner dates and such! He's not your husband, and he doesn't have to be at your place all the time.

 

Disclaimer: I think there is something wrong with people who don't like dogs, and I wouldn't even consider dating someone who didn't love animals as much as I do. And I am an old maid...so there's that!


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Well, I feel the same but I'm married... to a guy who would not have married anyone who didn't like dogs :). Dogs were assumed and in fact, one of those pre-marital conversations like children, outlook on life and all that. Dogs were waaaayyy up there in the conversations!

 

eta my husband has real allergies to cats (not the 'I don't like them' allergy), yet he never complained, fussed, tried to 'get rid of them' and even took over litter duty when I got pregnant (and never gave up litter duty after that). The idea was to never get a new one, but the incumbents were never made unwelcome in any way. We did do a little kitty foster briefly but that was temporary.

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Suzie aka  CBJ Fly Sonic (b. 07 Feb 2015) and missing:
Homer aka Atoscocita Homer (05 Oct 2010- 16 Nov 2021)
Xena the Galgo aka Xene the Bean (? 2009- 6 Sep 2018)
Jackie aka Katie aka Sun Blaze (16 April 2001- 14 April 2014)
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Guest k9soul

I have to echo the sentiments to be wary of the guy that has that strong of a reaction about your dog's discomfort. Hopefully if he is open to explanation and understanding things better he will be more patient, but if not it's a definite red flag IMO.

 

I was married to a guy who was impatient about a lot of things our dogs did. He in general loved dogs but he was intolerant and irritable about a lot of normal doggie things and it made for a tense living situation. He also became critical and disapproving of ME about a lot of things. I did not even realize how much so until after we divorced. Now I would be completely intolerant of accepting a partner who was like that.

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Guest BiggiesOwner

I think that some people tend to take a dog's negative reactions VERY personally. They don't see it as the dog is being a dog and reacting to "x" situation with "y" reaction - they just think "That **bleeping** dog is insulting ME! How dare they?!"

 

Some people I think can be educated out of that mentality - but I think for others it is just a personality flaw. They humanize the dogs much more than they should and it can kill any chance of them not "hating" the dog.

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'K. We've gotten a bit off track.

 

Your BF has some negative history with large dogs. Is he willing to try and work through his issues or will you having a large breed dog be a deal breaker for him? Perhaps he didn't know how he was going to react to being around a large breed dog on a daily basis. You need to also decide which is more important for *you.* Can you live your life, with this man, without a dog?

 

If you don't have it, pick up "The Other End of the Leash" for you both to read.

 

If he's willing, and you decide it's what you want, have him take over part of Cleo's care. Feed her dinner every day. Do her afternoon turnout and play with her. Take her for a walk - walking together is great bonding time. Even just sitting in a room together doing something quiet can contribute to the building of trust.

 

Good luck.

Chris - Mom to: Lilly, Felicity (DeLand), and Andi (Braska Pandora)

35764734494_93de5b5963_b.jpg

Angels: Libby (Everlast), Dorie (Dog Gone Holly), Dude (TNJ VooDoo), Copper (Kid's Copper), Cash (GSI Payncash), Toni (LPH Cry Baby), Whiskey (KT's Phys Ed), Atom

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You guys are both pretty young, right? All the young people I know say they 'hate' stuff. Probably a bit of an exaggeration, but for teens and 20 somethings, it's common vocabulary.

 

My guess is that BF is probably scared to get snapped at again. It's probably easier to express dislike than fear. Hope things are going better! Keep us updated!

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I agree with the above suggestions to have him either not pay her any attention unless she seeks it out or have him be a Pez dispenser of delicious treats when he's around her. It might also be a good idea to take her on a walk with him away from your home so she can spend some time with you and him in a place that's not her place. Find a quiet park (not a bustling one with lots of other people and dogs) and have him walk next to you, holding your hand, while you hold the leash with the other hand. (Of course, I wouldn't recommend this if she's a really nervous girl in general, but if she's typically pretty outgoing, then it's worth a try.)

 

As for his comments about hating her, it could either be that he truly does hate her, or that he just got his feelings hurt when she growled at him. How is he with other dogs? Have you ever seen him around other dogs? If they like him and he likes them, then he probably doesn't mean he truly hates her. He might just need time. Is it possible that he is a little jealous of her? If you've been seeing him a while, and suddenly you have this new dog who you adore and spend lots of time with and fuss over, it's possible that he's feeling a little pushed to the side (even if that's not your intention). People are more complicated than dogs, in my opinion :P

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Guest Scouts_mom

One thing I want to add. My Henry is a timid boy and when I adopted him, he was scared of men, all men. I learned later that his trainer and most of his attendants were women. Men to Henry were strange and therefore they could be dangerous. Over time he has improved tremendously--men bribing him with treats helped. Sometimes I think he likes his Uncle Don more than he likes me. :hehe However he is still very wary of big, loud men. Some of this may be going on with your girl. I agree with the advice of having your bf basically ignore her, except to give her treats, meals and walks.

 

By the way, I have a neighbor who was attacked by a dog as a child and is scared of dogs (but loves cats). Knowing this, when walking my dogs, if he was in his yard I made a point of crossing the street to avoid stressing him. But one day he called me over and proceeded to pet my dogs. I was shocked, but he explained that my dogs were so gentle and sweet that he was fine with them. So there is hope that your BF will fall in love with your girl.

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