Need Advice: Considering Returning :-(

[Guest jenniferk]

Hi, everyone. You may have seen some of my posts about my newly adopted boy Django. I am at the point where I’m considering returning him and would really like your advice. But first I need to give you all the background, so this will be a long post.

 

When my husband and I bought our house 8 years ago, I wanted a dog, but my husband didn’t because he’s never had a positive experience with dogs. So we've never had a dog--only cats. When I met greyhounds at a meet & greet last February, I fell in love and became convinced they’re the perfect dog for us: we’re calm people and would do best with a calm, relaxed dog who likes to chill, we don’t have kids, we have 3 cats, and we both work and would need a dog to be okay by itself or crated. My husband finally agreed, and we put in our adoption application. On it, I noted that I wanted a dog without issues. I personally can handle issues. I rescue stray cats, socialize ferals, and foster for the local shelter, and my 3 cats have either medical or behavioral problems so no one else wanted them. But my husband asked that we have a “normal” dog: one he could pet, who would like to go on walks, and who liked him and not only me (like our cats do).

 

We got two-year-old Django in May. Since then, we have had or continue to have the following issues.

 

Aggression. Sleep aggression second night we had him—bit husband and drew blood. Bit my husband about a month ago (didn’t draw blood) when my husband went to pet him while the dog was awake but lying down. Has growled numerous times, usually when my husband tries to pet him while he’s lying down. We have been working with a professional trainer on these issues. She told us how to work on it but believes that the underlying reason for aggression is fear. She doesn’t think it’s space aggression because it doesn’t matter where he’s lying down. She thinks it’s just because he feels trapped while lying down and reacts (he has never been aggressive while standing up). She thinks that as long as he’s a fearful dog, there is a chance he can be aggressive with us, and her solution to be completely safe is to never pet him while lying down or to make him go in his crate when he lies down. I know other people on this forum do this with their dogs. This is not ideal for us because one of the things we wanted was a dog we can pet, and Django rarely is standing up, so if we follow that guidance, we would rarely be able to pet him. Our rescue group gave us other advice to handle and massage him more while he’s lying down but awake and to keep him awake. Even though there is risk in that—we are never sure when he might bite though he hasn’t yet—he loves it the more we pet him and usually paws at us not to stop. And it’s built our relationship with him, so I would hate to stop. When I told our trainer that, she said we could continue it while he’s wearing a muzzle. Also, the rescue group came to our house and did an assessment and concluded he is NOT an aggressive dog but is just a bully and has learned growling is acceptable (which is when we brought in the trainer to show us how to resolve it).

 

Cats. He tested cat-safe but isn’t safe with our cats. Maybe he’d be safe with bold cats who would go up and hiss at him but not with our timid cats who run from him. After all this time, he still shows a lot of interest in them, and I can’t break his stare. At best, we may either need to have him permanently confined to the first floor and cats to upper floors, or if not confined, he’d need to always wear his muzzle. This is all while we are home—separating them while we’re away will always be essential.

 

His energy. While he doesn’t like long walks or exercise, he does get crazy Tasmanian-devil type playful spurts because he’s so young. (He jumps and whirls around, usually damaging our house badly and sometimes scratching us if we happen to be in his way.) Our trainer said this is normal behavior for a young dog, and we just need to direct him to a place that’s acceptable where he can be crazy. The problem is that we don’t have a space like that. The ideal place is outside in our yard, but he doesn’t like being out there, and that’s not a solution during hot or cold weather.

 

My husband. Our trainer told us that because he is such a fearful dog, it’s essential we don’t lose our temper around him—not just with the dog, but in general. This is easy for me to do, but not for my husband. I wish there were training techniques for changing a person’s behavior like there are for dogs, but there is not. My husband doesn’t punish or yell at the dog but he gets visibly tense and upset. For example, when Django goes crazy and scratches up our (original, 100+ year old pine) floors, I see my husband grit his teeth and tense up to stop himself from yelling—and that’s when Django is technically not doing anything wrong but just playing. Maybe because of this, Django has never established a relationship with my husband like he has with me. I’m not sure Django and my husband’s personalities are a good match.

 

Walks. This is the big problem. All the rest, I thought we can handle. When we first got him, he was understandably afraid of everything but then seemed to get much better. We had a problem with him planting and not moving, but he’s gotten better. But after nearly four months of living with us and walking around our neighborhood daily, Django is so terrified when we take him for walks that he is worse than the first week we got him. I live right in the city, so it’s a very urban environment. A week or so ago, the paper delivery car scared him while throwing a newspaper out the window when we were walking. Since then, he has become absolutely terrified while walking. He refuses to go on walks AT ALL with my husband. My husband has to bribe him with treats just to leave the house and go down the steps. At best, my husband can get him down to the end of our street to pee on the bushes, but he is unable to get him to go on any kind of real walk. With me, he is much better and will go on walks but still very scared. Here’s what happened this morning as an example. I take him out shortly after 6 a.m., when there are no people, not much noise, and very little traffic. This morning, he heard a loud noise TWO STREETS OVER and freaked out and tried to run back home. The street we were on was absolutely calm and quiet. I couldn’t take him home without his doing his business, so I had to literally drag him down the street. As soon as he started walking, I would praise and treat him (which has worked before) but then he would go a few steps, then turn and stare back to where he heard the loud noise. I kept having to pull him along (and then praise and treat when he moved) because I had to. Each time he now sees any car or person, he freezes in terror and stares at them until they go away. He is constantly looking over his shoulder in fear to see what’s behind him. In short, walks are absolutely no fun for him.

 

This is the biggest problem because we have such a small yard, and he doesn’t really do his business there much anyway. Our only option for getting him the exercise he needs and the chance to do his business is on walks around our neighborhood. That he has regressed so much and is in a worse state now than we got him with something that is essential for his basic needs made me think he may not be a good fit for living in the city.

 

I am heartbroken over the thought of giving him back, but I’m equally sad seeing him so absolutely terrified when we go for walks. I’m going away for a weekend in October (by myself, without my husband), and I have no idea how my husband will be able to walk him by himself. This is a big problem. And if I think of the bigger issue—that Django is still so afriad after all the time and effort we’ve put in to helping him get over that—it makes me think that there is something about our home that is contributing to that and making him less secure. Maybe it’s my husband. Maybe it’s the neighborhood around our house. (It’s definitely not me—he is extremely bonded with and attached to me.) So at this point, I am seriously thinking he may be better off in another home where he feels more secure. Maybe it’s a house in the country where there’s no urban environment he has to deal with?

 

I do NOT want to return him. I love him so much my heart breaks thinking about it. My husband also doesn’t want to return him, but I think that’s mainly for me. In fact, 3 weeks ago when Django broke his toe and we were wary of how to handle his splint because of his past growling/biting, our rescue group strongly encouraged us to consider returning him. They thought he would be a difficult dog for anyone, but especially for us because he’s our first dog. We did not want to return him, which is when they came over to our house for a visit and gave us suggestions on how to handle him and said they would support us in the future. But they did say he may be happier (not as fearful so not having these issues) in another home.

 

Is my wanting to keep him selfish, when I should be considering his needs and admitting that he may be happier elsewhere? Or do you think we just need to stick with it and give him more time?

 

A follow-up question: if we decide to return him, should we consider adopting another greyhound? I don’t know if I’d have the heart to go through this all again and fall in love with another dog who then may have issues too. And maybe greyhounds just aren’t right for us. My husband wanted a dog who is normal, who likes him, and is friendly and likes to be petted. Is that too much of a gamble with greyhounds?

 

Thanks for listening.

Jennifer

[Hubcitypam]

If your group suggests it, you should give it some thought. We're just a bunch of strangers on the internet with varying degrees of greyhound experience.

 

It sounds to me like no one is really happy, especially your husband and Dijango. I'm not in the market for more dogs, but he could probably be very happy here with another greyhound, a dog door, no cats, 60 year old hardwoods that stand up amazingly to dog traffic and a huge back yard.

 

There is no shame in returning/trading a dog if it's not working out for all of you. I had one dog returned because it wouldn't play with the kid. Swapped him out for a more active dog on a trial basis and everyone lived happily ever after. Had another returned because he "just wouldn't connect with anyone". He went to a home with a pack of greys and while he really never connected with anyone it was much less of an issue in a situation like that than as an only dog.

[winnie]

I'm so sorry to read about your situation. It does sound like returning him to your group would be best for everyone involved. The group should share some of the blame for not really matching you with the type of greyhound you wanted. They DO exist. Of the four we've had, all could be petted, coexist peacefully with cats, love going on walks, etc. Best of luck. Please don't feel bad - there is a right home out there for Django and the right dog out there for your home.

[Time4ANap]

You will get lots of varying opinions on a post like this. Please realize that some of them may sound harsh but no one really intends them that way - it's just a very emptional topic around here.

 

1. Have you worked with your adoption group on this at all or is the potential return going to be a complete surprise? If you haven't been working with them, contact them now so they at least know there are issues. Often your group will have someone who can help you through the issues and help you make an informed decision.

 

2. (This is where it might sound personal - but isn't) Any dog or pet has the potential to damage floors, walls, furniture, paint etc just through normal activity. Based on the descriptive info, your husband does not want a dog, or at least isn't of the mindset yet to adopt one. I know from experience - I resisted adopting a dog for years because I didn't want the house to be messed up. Once I met the right dog, all of that didn't really matter any more. If it matters that much, then he really doesn't want a dog or a pet in the house. I didn't grow up with pets in the house, and it took many years for me to even consider that idea.

 

3. For whatever reason your hound sounds like he is fearful of all of his surroundings. That's not a good situation for anyone.

 

4. Many people here will tell you that they have a rule in their house that the hound(s) do not get petted unless they are standing up. Some are very protective of their personal space, and others will snuggle tightly against you. There is nothing wrong with either, but if your hound doesn't want his/her space invaded, you need to go with it and respect it. We have the sweetest, friendliest boy in the world who never met a stranger, but we do not pet him while he's laying down, and we do not approach him when he's sleeping on his bed. He will bite if startled and I can show you the proof. He sleeps with his eyes open.

 

Overall, it sounds like this situation isn't working for you or your hound, and a return is probably in order. There is no shame in returning, it happens, and is sometimes best for both the hound and the adopter. I would urge you to reach out to your adoption group and let them know what is happening and go from there.

 

Good luck to all of you - it's a difficult time for all.

[Guest sweetpea]

Pam's spot on, as usual.

 

Just from skimming your post I could pick out better dogs for you from our own kennel.

Older, calmer, dogs who've been returned through no fault or "issues" of their own.

 

You might need to take a break though, or your husband might, because he has now added to his

list of negative experiences with dogs.

 

Is there any way you can volunteer with your greyhound group, so you (and your DH) can get some houndie face time

without it being an all or nothing proposition?

 

I'm sorry you're struggling with this, good luck.

 

Buzzy

[JohnF]

This one of those cases where the dog needs to go to a new home. Life is short enough and tough enough without trying to jump thru impossible hoops with a dog that you have discovered just doesn't fit. There is no blame in this, you offered him a home and it hasn't worked out. It might with his next adopters. Still, it is always heartbreaking to return; I did it once after about 3 weeks due to small dog prey drive - it was like another bereavement.

 

Another Grey? Why not, provided that it has been fostered for a while and has no cat issues and sleep-startle reactiveness. Take someone along with you who knows about aptitude testing.

[greysandmollie]

One question....did you request this dog or was this a dog the group suggested?

 

As a first time dog owner I got a 2 yo who never raced and was less than secure. Regardless of his issues...I ended up returning him and gave it about a month and went back to adopt and almost 5 yo who was so much better suited for me and my life. He was the love of my life....but I think for people in your situation you might be better off with an older dog.

[Guest jenniferk]

You will get lots of varying opinions on a post like this. Please realize that some of them may sound harsh but no one really intends them that way - it's just a very emptional topic around here.

 

1. Have you worked with your adoption group on this at all or is the potential return going to be a complete surprise? If you haven't been working with them, contact them now so they at least know there are issues. Often your group will have someone who can help you through the issues and help you make an informed decision.

 

 

Yes, I should have said that. I've been communicating with our group every step of the way except with this very last issue of being terrified of walks. It's them that called me and suggested we consider returning him. I spent days crying and begged them to give us another chance with him, which was when they came out for a home visit. They planned to take him that night if they felt he was aggressive but concluded he wasn't. They thought we could make it work with him. I haven't contacted them yet about him being terrified while out walking...I think I know they're going to say to return him, and my heart is fighting that. :-(

 

Also, I won't be offended by any responses. I asked for advice. And I realize that my husband is an issue. Regarding the floors, he's agreed to carpet the floors, but Django is so strong when he does his whirling-dervish thing, we're wondering if he'll ruin the carpets too. But, you are right. Thanks.

 

And no, we did not request him. He was matched up with us. We did ask for one who had enough energy to go on walks (we love walks), so maybe it seemed like a younger dog was better for us.

 

Thanks, everyone else for giving advice too. I've been crying nonstop thinking of having to return him, but I'm trying to think of what's best for him.

Edited September 6, 2012 by jenniferk

[Time4ANap]

You will get lots of varying opinions on a post like this. Please realize that some of them may sound harsh but no one really intends them that way - it's just a very emptional topic around here.

 

1. Have you worked with your adoption group on this at all or is the potential return going to be a complete surprise? If you haven't been working with them, contact them now so they at least know there are issues. Often your group will have someone who can help you through the issues and help you make an informed decision.

 

 

Yes, I should have said that. I've been communicating with our group every step of the way except with this very last issue of being terrified of walks. It's them that called me and suggested we consider returning him. I spent days crying and begged them to give us another chance with him, which was when they came out for a home visit. They planned to take him that night if they felt he was aggressive but concluded he wasn't. They thought we could make it work with him. I haven't contacted them yet about him being terrified while out walking...I think I know they're going to say to return him, and my heart is fighting that. :-(

 

Also, I won't be offended by any responses. I asked for advice. And I realize that my husband is an issue. Regarding the floors, he's agreed to carpet the floors, but Django is so strong when he does his whirling-dervish thing, we're wondering if he'll ruin the carpets too. But, you are right. Thanks.

 

Thanks, everyone else for giving advice too. I've been crying nonstop thinking of having to return him, but I'm trying to think of what's best for him.

 

Any pet is going to cause some wear and tear faster than you are used to on any flooring surface. That's just the way it is.

 

Ruining it is doubtful, but you will have things happen like accidents, stains or snags, and that's just part of life with a pet - virtually any pet that roams free in the house has that potential. You do need the buy-in from your husband on the next dog, or you will be re-visiting the same issue. As I stated, I am the one who never wanted a pet in the house - for years and years my wife wanted a dog. I didn't - period. Only after meeting many greys did I relax that stance and decide that crap happens and you can replace carpet if you need to. That's a huge adjustment for someone who isn't used to pets in the house. i understand perfectly where your husband is coming from.

 

Rocket makes us laugh every day, and so should your hound. Your hound sounds like he is as upset in the situation as you are. That's no one's fault - it's simply a mismatch that occurred and it is ok to rectify that by returning him and finding the hound that fits in your household. Yes, you will miss him at first, but somewhere down the line you will find that he is in a household that works well for him, and you will have a hound who thrives in your household. It will be a win for both of you.

[zimsmom]

I feel your pain. I waited almost a year before bringing home my 1st grey. I had no dog experience; the dog had a broken leg, was not crate or house trained walked poorly on the leash, had a high prey drive. I was totally overwhelmed cried for days & finally returned her. I really wanted a greyhound so I kept looking. I then went back & got my 2nd (who had major behavior issues) but I stuck it out & 8 years later she is still here. I adopted a 2nd 5 years ago. Sometimes the 1st time around is overwhelming. No shame in returning the dog. I agree with others an older dog may be more suitable.

[PrairieProf]

I would return him without question for not being cat-safe -- I didn't even really read the rest. Not fair to the cats to put them at risk, not fair or fun to any party to live in a segregated househould when there are plenty of hounds who will get on fine with your cats.

 

There are tons of friendly normal greyhounds who like to be petted. Mine would be happy to be petted about 22 hours a day I think. And she isn't afraid of anything.

Edited September 6, 2012 by PrairieProf

[rascalsmom]

I can't tell you if you should or shouldn't return Django, but I sat here reading your post, thinking that our first dog would have been the PERFECT dog for you--laid back, and bombproof. Our second, not so much, as he was quite growly at first, too....every dog is different, and there IS a dog out there for you, just like Rascal was the perfect first dog for us. It isn't too much to hope for a greyhound that will work for you. Maybe Django just isn't that one.

Best of luck to all of you.

 

ETA: when we adopted our first GH, they [adoption group] knew we had cats, and I was very nervous about a dog in the house. The dog we got, Rascal, was fostered with a bunch of cats, so we knew she'd be okay with our cats--and she was. Was your dog fostered? I agree that if he's chasing the cats, something really BAD could happen, and a return might be in order.

Edited September 6, 2012 by rascalsmom

[kikibean]

I do adoptions, and we would completely understand your returning him under the circumstances. For whatever reason, he's not a good match to your home. I'd be concerned about his behavior with the cats, and about biting your husband.

 

I'd look into a slightly older dog, or maybe a return. My husband never had dogs growing up, so when we adopted our first greyhound the fact that she was 8 wasn't a bad thing for us. I told him if he absolutely hated having a dog, by adopting a senior we weren't setting ourselves up for the same time commitment as having a 2 yr old. Of course, a month later we got a crazy 2 yr old right off the track, but he was already sucked in by that point

 

This doesn't sound like a situation where you're failing him or trying to take the easy way out. If no one is happy, it's just not a good match. No one's fault, sometimes that's just how it is.

Edited September 6, 2012 by kikibean

[JAJ2010]

Nothing else to add that hasn't already been said. (((hugs)))) it's not an easy situation

[mychip1]

Nothing else to add that hasn't already been said. (((hugs)))) it's not an easy situation

 

Me too...... Tough spot.....But if your dog isn't happy, then maybe returning him is fair......I know how heartbreaking that must be for you.....It is of concern if your husband has a bit of a temper....that will only drive the dog into being more fearful...particularly when you are away....

 

If you do keep him, maybe you can have someone watch him for you while you are away that weekend rather than leave him with your husband.

[brianamac]

Just want to say I'm so sorry you have to make this decision. With some decisions you can just follow your heart, but this sounds like a situation where you might have to follow your head instead. Not easy either way, I hope it all goes well.

[Guest kkaiser104]

I'm not much help as I've not been in either side of this situation, but I understand how awful it must be for you and I think it might be in everyone's best interest to return him. Regardless, I think it takes a very strong person to admit when something isn't working and be willing to take your pup back and let him have a chance at a happy life. I adopted a 2 year old straight off the track and I love him to bits but I can only imagine how I would have felt if I hadn't grown up with high energy dogs!

 

Regardless of what happens, remember that this community will always be here for you and will continue to support you and your husband!

[ZoomDoggy]

I don't see one good reason for you to keep that dog. He simply is not a good fit for your household on any level. No need to feel bad about this decision. We all make mistakes now and then, and this one is easily rectified. The adoption group will find him a more appropriate home, and you can take your time to reevaluate whether you and your husband are truly ready (and in agreement) for a dog. If you are, and you're still set on a greyhound, there may be a more calm and sweet greyhound out there waiting for you when the time is right.

Edited September 6, 2012 by ZoomDoggy

[Brandiandwe]

We adopted 2 20 month old girls, one with prey drive issues and one who was a spook. It was tough, and still is now when they're 2.5. I've not returned either of my two BUT always keep in mind what my riding coach told me about buying a horse (relevant I promise). There is no such thing as a perfect horse or a horse without issues. Instead, you need to find the horse with the issues you can deal with.

 

I believe greys are the same. None have no issues but you need to find the grey with the issues you can deal with. To me, that means something different to you. Write a list of non- negotiables (older/ calmer, no space issues, love bug, cat safe, whatever) and then think about what you can work with (will only eat when facing north balancing on three legs, prefers linen to cotton sheets, whatever) and look at Django.

 

If he can't be happy with you then you may need to give him up in order for him to find the house that's right for him. And then you can find the member of the family who's waiting for you. You will love them just as much.

 

Good luck with your decision.

[Guest 2dogs4cats]

You have gotten some really good replies. I think that when people get a first dog, they may think they want "X" qualities in the dog, but the they get the experience of "X" and discover they really want "Y" qualities. I also think an older GH may be what you are looking for. To me,a young puppyish GH is VERY different from a 6 year old. I have had 4 and the youngest GH I have had was 6 and they were all very laid back and would rather lay around than twirl around.

[a_daerr]

I'm really sorry to see this. I don't really have anything else to add except for this- there were times when we first adopted Henry that I thought to myself, "OMG, I made a terrible mistake. I don't think this is going to work out." My DB even suggested returning him because he was our first dog, and we had A LOT of stumbling blocks with him. That's normal. But despite all the setbacks, we decided to keep Henry because he was steadily making progress. His issues were slowly showing improvement, and the longer we had him, the more our bond strengthened. I never got to the point where you are now. If you decide to return Django, please don't feel bad or guilty. And also, don't feel reluctant about trying again with another. Django might be a different dog in an environment with other greyhounds who can boost his confidence. Or, maybe he would thrive in a more residential setting with a big yard. This just sounds like it may be a bad fit. It you come to that realization (and you'll know when it's time), don't beat yourself up over it. Life goes on. ETA, feel free to email me. Since we're both from Pittsburgh, I'd be happy to meet with you (and Django) and talk more. alicia . daerr @ gmail . com (no spaces).

 

BTW: You would love Payne. He is a bomb-proof, cuddle-monster hound.

Edited September 7, 2012 by a_daerr

[winnie]

Our most active grey - who LOVES walks - we adopted as a 6 y/o. Darcy is now 11.5 y/o and still a spitfire.

 

Our laziest grey - who has been known to lay down on walks - is the one we got as a 2.5 y/o. Celeste gives a whole new meaning to lazy.

 

Bottom line... age is just a number.

[vjgrey]

 

 

Bottom line... age is just a number.

 

Yep. My oldest will be nine in July, and she gets the crazies as often (possibly more often) than the four and five year-olds do.

 

I agree that returning him may be the best thing for everyone involved, but I disagree with the suggestions to try another hound. It really doesn't sound like your husband wants any dog, and as sensitive as greyhounds are, that's not a good situation to bring another one into.

[philospher77]

It sounds like this dog is not a good fit for your household. There are dogs that would be... my first greyhound, over there in my avatar, was a bombproof dog, probably exactly what you are looking for. My second dog came to me a spook, with the same kind of issues about spooking to noises blocks away. She's on Prozac now, and that has helped a lot with the situation, but she's always probably going to be a bit more difficult to deal with than a "normal dog". But given your situation, especially with the cats, I would be thinking about returning the dog. That was one of the points I emphasized with my adoption groups: the cats were here first, and if the dog didn't get along with them, the dog would have to go.

[Guest twogreytkids]

Your adoption group has already told you that they would take your boy back. LIsten to them. They recognize that he is not the perfect match for you. They want you to be happy and they want your boy to be happy. Obviously, neither one of you are. They will find him another home where he will thrive.

 

You and your hubby need to sit down and first of all, decide whether or not you both want another dog, let alone another greyhound. I definitely would give it some time, though. If you decide to go with another greyhound, there is one out there that will fit what you are looking for. It just might take some time for your group to find one.