Desperate For Advice! Reclusive Dog

[Maddiesmom]

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  I need some help - Rajah is driving us bonkers. I seriously contemplated booting him to the curb today! He pooped in his crate at 2 am - AGAIN! This is the third time in a week. I think there was a thunderstorm about 25 miles away. He contributes absolutely nothing to our quality of life
  

 

 

Do you really mean this because if so, please call a group to have him rehome to a family that will love him.

If you only knew the frustrations that i went through when I first got Maddie with her SA. However, I worked through it and never considered "booting her to the curb", now at age 10, she gets me up several times a night to go outside. that's fime. it is life. If you daughter pooped or threw up in her bed, would you consider giving her up?

 

You are doing rajah a dis service treating him the way that he is being treated. You have stated in the past that he liked to hang out in your closet and was not real close to you. He knows that you are not happy with him, greyhounds are sensitive.

 

The way that you can help is to return him to a group (if not your original group) then a group in NC as there are many that will be more than happy to take him.

[Walliered]

I would baby gate the kid away from the dog. I would show the dog more affection. Don't know if there is anything that can be done for thunderstorms because I have one that goes bananas and I have tried everything.

[montgomery2524]

I have two thunder phobic dogs and it can be trying to arrange your life around the weather. The thundercoat has helped mine. We put on the coat and let them alone to go hide where they want. It seems that on top of a new person in the house along with age is making Rajah unhappy. It sounds as if you want to make things better for him and sometimes that can mean rehoming them to a home that fits their life better. There are a number of groups in NC who will take Rajah no matter where he was adopted from. If that is what you decide, please reach out to them. Perhaps your vet can find a medical reason for what he is going through or perhaps this is just a lifestyle change that Rajah cannot accept. As others have said he feels your frustration and that does not help him. I am sure it is hard dealing with this and having a 2yr old that wants Mom's attention.

[Guest FatCatSkinnyDog]

I talked to a good friend - one who knows him and us very well. We are trying to work through it and, as someone above said, starting from square one. We are changing our attitude towards him and trying to curb frustrations. I took him for a walk this evening, just me and him. It didn't last long because, for the first time in weeks! it started to thunder and rain... but he got some time outside with just me. We are changing our tone with him and are going to try to be more patient. If necessary, we will employ the same calming methods that we use with our kiddo (for us, not her!)

 

I don't want to put him back on drugs because he didn't respond to it all that well and I don't want to subject him to that again. Once I talk to the vet we will further evaluate whether he needs to live out his remaining years in a quiet, child-free home. Thank you to those who gave suggestions and especially those who were not judgemental.

 

It was not clear out of your Posts if he has always been that way or just in the last 2 Years. Was he a happy Guy before , played with his Stuffies ,did a happy Dance and enjoyed Treats ???

 

He's always been a little timid. We tried bringing another grey in but he was too pushy and Rajah got pushed out of the way all the time. It took weeks for him to take treats from us but we kept working with him and he sorta came around. He seemed to withdraw a lot after we moved into our house - abouth 3 years ago. He was never really much of a happy dance, playing kinda guy but he wasn't as sullen as he is now.

[Riverhound]

Not the same situation -- not at all, but when we brought home our second GH, our first hound's personality changed in ways we really didn't like. We're working through it, sort of the way you're starting to, with lots of time when it's just him and one of us, special treats, new toys, and extra (short) training sessions. We also try to give him time and space when she's not around; in my hubby's office in the mornings, in the bedroom with me at night (I crash early), and in the living room with us both (other dog gets crated). It's working well, and he's getting over the crankiness/upsetness/confusion he was going through six months ago. It's not perfect, but he's happy more often than not now. It's pretty amazing what some ice cream or a burger does for his mood, too! Good luck to you and Rajah.

[silverfish]

Oh dear .. what a bad situation for everyone.

 

No Flames here , but I don't think there is much Love on both sides .

 

I really have to agree - this is what it sounds like from your post.

 

 

I wonder if the addition of your little girl is the major issue. Some dogs just aren't comfortable interacting with young children. And if he's stressed from her presence, it could certainly explain the change in his attitude as well as the accidents. Additionally, have your feelings toward him changed? Dogs are very sensitive to our moods and feelings, so he could be responding to this as well.

 

I know you said that you are committed to keeping him, but if he's just not comfortable living with your daughter, it may be worth considering whether you can realistically make this work in a way that he will be happy. Rather than, or in addition to, using medication to treat anxiety, the more important thing is to assess is the entire home environment and see if there are ways to change the arrangement to minimize exposure to things that cause him stress. And to do this, the first step is to identify the sources of his stress.

 

It sounds like your little girl is one stressor for him, but are there others? Storms and heat are not things you can control, but those are things that he's experienced previous summers, so it's probably the combination of factors that's making things worse this year. Have you done any training and behavior modification specifically to help him develop a good association with your daughter?

 

I'm nodding along to this one, too. It sounds to me as if the problem with the storms etc is just another straw to the camel's back for Rajah. He KNOWS you don't like him very much, he has your daughter to contend with, and he's carrying a huge burden of stress.

 

 

The booting him to the curb was sheer frustration. DH and I agree that he is here to stay because we brought him into our family. I'm sure he has picked up on our frustration... it's hard not to show it though. Our poor little girl wants to play with him so much and he won't even let her pet him unless she's giving him food. The vet has tried to help with various drugs - the best was doggy uppers and downers all at the same time - but it seems like he just keeps going around in this cycle. I wish I could give him more positive vibes, but when I try to love on him, he gets up and leaves. We are trying so hard to make this work.

 

I know the dynamic of the family has changed, but we have taught our daughter to be gentle with the pets from day 1. Morgana (cat) tolerates her pretty well and she will be 13 in September. Rajah will be 10 in December BTW. I will be calling the vet on Monday. She has two greys herself and one of them has had similar issues so she understands our frustrations. We love our boy... but we don't like him much these days.

 

I know you're having a really hard time here with all that's going on. I remember well how difficult it was and how tiring it was bringing up kids and maintaining the home etc without having a pooping, moping, scared-witless dog about the house too, but I so feel for poor Rajah. If you put yourself in his place, no wonder he's not giving you any love or contributing anything. He's miserable!

 

I'm a long way from being in your place either, and I'm not in your house with you so I can't see what's going on on a day-to-day basis, but here's my opinion, for what it's worth:

 

Forget about the drugs and address his needs. If it helps to change your attitude towards him, change his name - I know it sounds daft, but it can do the trick. It's as if you can see him as a new dog and go back to square one as you would if he really was new to your home. Remind yourself of how dogs' minds work by going back and reading a decent dog psychology book like 'How to Speak Dog' by Stanley Coren, or 'Think Dog' by John Fisher and maybe even 'Retired Racing Greyhounds for Dummies'

 

You sound very stressed yourself, and reading through these books may help you to calm down and see things in perspective. Certainly Rajah will pick up on your emotions - especially your feelings towards him. Bless him - he's getting old, he's having a lot of change and disruption in his life, he's terrified of storms and now you (probably the most important being in his life) don't seem to love him.

 

Tough as it is, you're either going to have to put a LOT of work and a big change of attitude into this, or face up to the face that you can't and return him. As others have said, he deserves the chance to find someone who will love him in his final years.

[Guest FatCatSkinnyDog]

As I stated before, we adopted him, we made a committment to him and we are going to try!! He's pretty stressed by the storms tonight so we have been giving him extra attention. DH was brushing Ciara's teeth and I was trying to get Rajah into his closet - his safe place. Instead, he went into Ciara's room and layed on his bed. I had to do something and didn't realilze that Ciara went into her room. I found her scooting around him to sit on the other side of his bed. At one point she bumped him and said 'sorry puppy'. Then she hugged him and he stayed put. She sat next to him and patted his head and gave him hugs and he just hung out. We had a hard time getting him out of her room so we could close her door and get her to sleep. He's downstairs with us now. We will keep in mind that it may be inevitable, but we are realy going to try to work through the problems. We do love him, we are just frustrated with him. Those of you who mentioned not getting rid of the kid when she does something that drives me bonkers must not have kids... every mother I know has considered shipping their kids to Tibet at least once during a moment of frustration.

[Roo]

I can understand how you feel - not that I'm in the same situation, but I'm having to win my guy over. I figure since I am at square one and you're going back to square one, I can share what's been working for me.

 

I have a tendency to take things personally, so whenever Eli doesn't come up to me, I feel like he's doing it to shun me. A couple weeks ago, a good friend of mine reminded me that when I think "Oh, I hope he loves me, comes up to me, likes me" etc, he's feeling it and it's making him a little wary of me (he's a sensitive guy, and it sounds like your boy is too). I stopped going to him and hoping he came up to me. Instead, I waited for him to come over and gave him some lovin' (not exuberantly so, just a couple little neck scratches and a pat on the head). I didn't want to make it a huge deal, since he is pretty sensitive and isn't quite convinced that me being happy and excited is a good thing >.< I keep having to remind myself that he's working through this for himself and will eventually figure it out. From the way you described your boy, he's got a similar attitude, especially in light of the changes in his life (new house, new "sibling"). Instead of excited, happy praise, try going with quiet, gentle pats and calm, sweet words - happy words, like "You're such a good boy, I love you". And before he decides that he's had enough and retreats, turn around and walk away. It may seem counter-intuitive - all you want is for him to want to love you, so why would you walk away? But it can work.

 

Emphasis on "can". Alone, it probably won't do much. But if you do that along with more one-on-one time with him (car rides around the block, a trip with just him and you to the pet store for food or something, even a nice walk around a park), it might help him come around. The biggest piece of advice I can give, though, is to not fret too much. Worry about his health and well being, yes, but try not to focus on the fact that you feel like he doesn't like you anymore. He's picking up on that and it's probably making him uncomfortable. Try practicing positive associations with him (for yourself) - when you look at him, no matter what he's done or how fast he's retreating, think to yourself "That's my Rajah, my sweet boy, who's been my best friend for 7 years. I just love him so much." It may sound really passive, but after a while it'll change your attitude towards him and he'll feel this change. I'd try the gentle love when he wants it (ending on your terms), some personal time with him, and a slight attitude adjustment on your part. I don't say "attitude adjustment" to sound mean - I know exactly how you feel (with my rats more than my dog, but those little guys can be frustrating!).

 

If messing in the crate isn't because of something medical or fear-based, you might try a late night walk. My boy often potties quite a bit around 10pm - first he'll pee and try to come back in, but if I keep him out a while longer he'll poop again.

 

I hope you're able to work with him and convince him that he is part of your family!

 

Added on: From your last post, it definitely sounds like he wants to try. Letting your daughter curl up on his bed in her room and hug him doesn't lead me to believe that he's uncomfortable around her. Rather, I'd guess that he's uncomfortable with his position in the family in general - maybe he's not sure he's allowed to be around the baby unless she's giving him food, or maybe it's something else. Reassure him that you love him and involve him in as many things as possible (one-on-one and with the whole family). Would keeping him in your room at night be a possibility? If not, could you baby-gate him into your bathroom? That's at least an easily cleanable surface in case he does mess, but he'd be close to you.

Edited July 2, 2012 by Roo

[christinepi]

And before he decides that he's had enough and retreats, turn around and walk away. It may seem counter-intuitive - all you want is for him to want to love you, so why would you walk away? But it can work.

 

I think that's a great idea: if he has gotten uncomfortable with your petting him in the past because he deemed it too long a time span, your walking away now BEFORE he gets to this uncomfortable place in his head will teach him that he can trust you "won't overstay your welcome", and relax more when petted in the future.

[Burpdog]

I haven't read all the replies, just your post.

 

Sounds like a bad fit and he needs to go back. No one is happy.

[Guest PiagetsMom]

If I were in your position, I feel that if you are committed to try to make this situation with Rajah better for both him, and your family, silverfish and Roo had some good advice. He's been with you for a long time, and I hope you find something that works - for you, and for Rajah.

[dbullwinkel]

Sounds like his safe happy place is with your daughter..he wants to stay with her on the bed..might be a place to start as others have said. my Garry "lived" in a closet at his foster home.. when we made him a secure place downstairs with us..i put a bed in a corner between the couch and love seat. still safe but not closed off. Whenever it would thunder..he would run to that spot. eventually he came to us.

You sound like you are really trying to help him..I am sure he knows that.

re: fireworks: garry also terrified. walking around the 4th. was horrendous. he would only walk during the day, so maybe walk him early in the morning when all is quiet for him. My vet has suggested valium to help him through the holiday.

[macoduck]

I haven't read all the replies, just your post.

 

Sounds like a bad fit and he needs to go back. No one is happy.

This.

I'm not playing nice. I remember all your drama from a few years ago with Rajah and your other greyhound. It was like a train wreck in slow motion and we all saw it coming.

Rajah is miserable. You are miserable. You summed it up in your first post and are now trying to pretty it up. You've tried, It hasn't worked. When you come on GT you won't always hear what you want to hear. That's as nice as I can be about it.

Give that old boy a chance to have a few good years somewhere else.

[calif_chaz]

IF you decide to rehome him, don't feel guilty or really bad about it. If you do, you will be doing it out of concern for his happiness. A few months ago we took in 2 bounces who had been in a home for 5 years but because of a very young, growing family it was decided to return them. I was prepared for depressed, mopey dogs missing their owners and their home of 5 years. That just didn't happen. they moved in without missing a beat and settled right in. DH and I are older, retired and the only kids the dogs see are our 10 and 13 year old grandkids when they visit. One of the dogs was described as very aloof and staying away from the family upstairs all the time. Well, she is actually a lovebug and friendly as can be. Maybe they are happier here without a 3 year old and a 6 month old, I don't know. Maybe because we have all the time in the world for them they like that, I don't know. But do know that if you return Rajah he will be placed where it will work well for him and you will have done the best thing for him. Even tho your daughter is really good with him, he may be more and more unhappy as she gets older and more mobile. Good luck with making your decision.

[Maddiesmom]

I haven't read all the replies, just your post.

 

Sounds like a bad fit and he needs to go back. No one is happy.

This.

I'm not playing nice. I remember all your drama from a few years ago with Rajah and your other greyhound. It was like a train wreck in slow motion and we all saw it coming.

Rajah is miserable. You are miserable. You summed it up in your first post and are now trying to pretty it up. You've tried, It hasn't worked. When you come on GT you won't always hear what you want to hear. That's as nice as I can be about it.

Give that old boy a chance to have a few good years somewhere else.

 

 

Exactly!!! and I am not trying to sugar coat it for you fatcatskinnydog. I was there when you returned the other dog and I know the reason you did. You are now backpedaling and stating that you made a commitment to Rajah. You are trying to sugar coat it for us here and state that you are there for him, you are not. I may not have kids myself but I have been around them enough and a dog is like a child, they rely on you. When he poops in his crate and you state that you want to boot him to the curb on a public forum, that is not right. I was serious when I stated about your child pooping or throwing up in her bed, because it is going to happen. You need to rehome Rajah and give him a better life.

 

I am not trying to be mean, just real because I am looking out for Rajah's best interests.

[kudzu]

How much training have you done with Rajah & what type of training was it?

[BatterseaBrindl]

Hi All. It's been a while!

 

I need some help - Rajah is driving us bonkers. I seriously contemplated booting him to the curb today! He pooped in his crate at 2 am - AGAIN! This is the third time in a week. I think there was a thunderstorm about 25 miles away. He contributes absolutely nothing to our quality of life. We get no love from him... no acknowledgment of our existence at all unless he wants food or to go outside. He runs away from our little girl (she will be 2 in October) unless she has food. She's gentle, she pets him nicely and he lets her if he's on the couch. If he's just walking through or lying on the floor he will get up and run away. Otherwise, he stays upstairs. He walked away from me this morning too. I will be taking him back to the vet shortly, but testing before has showed no medical reason for his issues. We have tried clomicalm, which worked for about 2 weeks and then he went right back to his antisocial behavior. I've tried DAP, we have a thundershirt, which helps a tiny bit. Xanax does nothing for him. He is thunderphobic and hates the heat so summer is miserable. He's always been funny in the summer, but with age, and the addition of the kiddo, he's turned into a recluse. We try to give him attention but he doesn't want it. Ideas?

 

I think it sounds like he hasn't been able to adjust to your daughter.

 

Some are definitely more social than others. He may be even more challenged to be social now that he's in a home with a young child.

 

Working with him while also parenting a young child will be very hard. Reading your post my first thought is that you should seriously consider rehoming him. I realize that it may be hard for you to consider, but it sounds like you are both miserable.

 

 

This poor dog is clearly unhappy and I think that thunder storms are the least of his problems.

 

Babies are passive and really are not a 'threat' to a dogs space until they get mobile.

Even at a year old, when they are learning to walk, they are not as 'threatening' as a two year old.

Toddlers are very scarry to many many dogs.

You may 'think' he likes your daughter, but to me it is clear that he only tolerates her because she feeds him cookies.

 

He is feeling neglected...and rightfully so!

 

Please...do what is right for this poor, sad hound.

[Guest Greyt_dog_lover]

Wow, if I would have dared to say some of the harsh things being said here I would be called names. I do agree, your past record with returns and such doesnt really show how you are a very understanding pet parent. Hopefully you will do better with your human child... Good luck.

[Guest IrskasMom]

Does Rajah come from Greyhound Rescue (Denise Davis ) in Gerardstown WV????

[inugrey]

yes he does

[Guest FatCatSkinnyDog]

Wow, if I would have dared to say some of the harsh things being said here I would be called names. I do agree, your past record with returns and such doesnt really show how you are a very understanding pet parent. Hopefully you will do better with your human child... Good luck.

 

Excuse me?? We returned one greyhound because Rajah was miserable and the timing sucked... I was in the beginning stages of a miscarriage - thank you very much.

Edited July 2, 2012 by FatCatSkinnyDog

[Houndtime]

Wow, if I would have dared to say some of the harsh things being said here I would be called names. I do agree, your past record with returns and such doesnt really show how you are a very understanding pet parent. Hopefully you will do better with your human child... Good luck.

 

Excuse me?? We returned one greyhound because Rajah was miserable and the timing sucked... I was in the beginning stages of a miscarriage - thank you very much.

 

I don't know this person who is having issues with Rajah, but I think if a person is looking for help or input with their life situation, jumping all over them is not the answer, Sometimes, if you have nothing nice to say, perhaps you shouldn't say anything.

 

I have a reculsive dog. He would rather spend his time in the bedroom than with us, most of the time. He is now 10-1/2 and I see he is getting very frail and I worry about him, a lot. In the morning, he runs and plays and more than just shows up for his breakfast. If we go for a walk, he is the first at the door, then we don't see him again until dinner time. I love this dog to pieces. He has no issues in the house, but sometimes he is impossible to walk, as he doesn't like other breeds of dogs and barks and growls. All of this is pretty silly as he only has four teeth. Other times, he doesn't care who is outside, but not that often. Of course, he isn't pooping in the house like yours is, and I know that can be frustrating.

 

I think Rajah senses your irritation with him and maybe is being neglected, even though you don't think so. At his age, it is not as if he needs so much attention, but he may feel threatened by the babe. Why does it bother you that he leaves the room? Sometimes, I feel like I need some alone time, too. Think about what you want to do, but, don't do anything you might be sorry about later on. He has spent a lot of time in your home and you will miss him if you send him on his way.

 

Good luck and make the choice that suits your life the best.

[Guest twoskinnydogs]

Ok, I have read all of this.....and was not going to say anything, but that dog needs to be returned for his well being....you said in you very first post that you thought about booting him to the curb......well that is not acceptable. Have I been aggravated with my dogs before, sure I have! But I have never even thought about booting one to the curb. I too have a shy girl, but with some TLC they come out of their shell...If they feel safe. Please just do what is right for this boy, and yourself!

[Guest jettcricket]

I normally don't comment on these types of threads, but I do believe it would be in his and your best interest to rehome the boy. Sometimes for whatever reasons it just doesn't work out. Good luck to you in whatever decision you make.

[NeylasMom]

I normally don't comment on these types of threads, but I do believe it would be in his and your best interest to rehome the boy. Sometimes for whatever reasons it just doesn't work out. Good luck to you in whatever decision you make.