Bella's Grieving Is Worrying Me

[LadyGrey]

We just lost our little Angel two days ago. During the four days she was very sick, her sister Bella stayed clear of her and ran from her. My sadness chased her away too. She did not want to be around me crying. Since Angel has been gone -and I know it has been only a couple of days - Bella wants nothing to do with us. She just lays in her bed and stares at the floor and most the time turns away from us. She wont go in the back yard where she and her sister use to run together. She will go out front instead. When I go to pet her or stroke her, she jerks her head up and kind of nudges my hand OFF of her! If I dont go away, she jerks her head up at me as if to say, "Well......are you going or what?" I can feel it.

 

I try to cry in other rooms where she cant hear me. But I know she sences my intense grief. I try to give her extra TLC, but she does not want it. Yes, I am concerned. Has anyone come across this strange behavior. We use to be so close. I know it is so soon and she will need time.

[Feisty49]

I'm so sorry about Angel.

 

The only comment I have about Bella is that animals grieve too. I know when I've lost a loved one all I wanted to do was be alone without having to socialize or even be bothered with anyone. Perhaps Bella is mourning her loss that way. My suggestion is not to give up on her. Don't overload her with attention, but don't stint on it either. As far as the backyard, slowly reintroduce her to it. I think she'll come around eventually. As she feels you resolve your grief, I suspect she will resolve hers too.

[GeorgeofNE]

It's not strange behavior. She's upset because you're upset, and she no doubt misses your other dog too.

 

Sounds like she's giving you a pretty clear message that she needs her space right now. Just let her be. She'll come to you when she's ready.

 

I'm very sorry for your loss.

[Yamaha_gurl]

Perhaps a simple walk would perk both up a tiny bit?

[MaryJane]

Sometimes a "simple" walk can work wonders. You're together but, don't have to interact if neither of you feel the need to.

[MerlinsMum]

i agree with the advice on walking. It can build great "togetherness", and she would get to keep her space.

 

I'm so, so sorry about your loss of Angel :cry1 :grouphug

[Guest PhillyPups]

First my sympathies to you and to Bella

 

I do not know your dynamics, but if you had the two, it is quite possible she is grieving her loss.

 

My Runner and SugarBear were bonded from the moment they met. When I lost Runner, so suddenly, I was devastated. I came home and threw out every living thing in the home (i.e. houseplants). I was so wrapped up in my grief, a good friend had to let me know SugarBear was mourning too. She went from one of Runner's favorite beds to another, lie down and go hmpffff, her way of crying, she would not eat, shr would barely go to do her business and come back in, looking for Runner. I was told she needed another greyhound or I would lose her too. I could not bear losing SugarBear too, so Stepper came in as a hearthealer. Within 1/2 hour of Stepper coming into our home, Sugs ate for the first time in three days.

 

I am in no way telling you what is going on, I am just sharing a very personal experience of one of the most painful times of my life. No one that I know of goes to a M&G with what seems to be a totally healthy almost 8 year old hound and expect to come home with an empty leash, I was totally rocked to the core. It still hurts to write about it.

 

to you

[Guest june]

Walks are a good idea. Also if she doesn't want you to pet her try sitting in the same room with her and talking to her quietly or just reading. Sometimes just being in the same room with someone can help grieving.

 

As you described her actions it made me think of how some people get angry and push others away when they lose someone. Be patient and don't give up.

 

june

[LadyGrey]

I'm so sorry about Angel.

 

The only comment I have about Bella is that animals grieve too. I know when I've lost a loved one all I wanted to do was be alone without having to socialize or even be bothered with anyone. Perhaps Bella is mourning her loss that way. My suggestion is not to give up on her. Don't overload her with attention, but don't stint on it either. As far as the backyard, slowly reintroduce her to it. I think she'll come around eventually. As she feels you resolve your grief, I suspect she will resolve hers too.

 

That is the feeling I am getting that she needs some space.

 

Sometimes a "simple" walk can work wonders. You're together but, don't have to interact if neither of you feel the need to.

 

Tomorrow we take her to the park on the river = one of her favorite places

 

 

First my sympathies to you and to Bella

 

I do not know your dynamics, but if you had the two, it is quite possible she is grieving her loss.

 

My Runner and SugarBear were bonded from the moment they met. When I lost Runner, so suddenly, I was devastated. I came home and threw out every living thing in the home (i.e. houseplants). I was so wrapped up in my grief, a good friend had to let me know SugarBear was mourning too. She went from one of Runner's favorite beds to another, lie down and go hmpffff, her way of crying, she would not eat, shr would barely go to do her business and come back in, looking for Runner. I was told she needed another greyhound or I would lose her too. I could not bear losing SugarBear too, so Stepper came in as a hearthealer. Within 1/2 hour of Stepper coming into our home, Sugs ate for the first time in three days.

 

I am in no way telling you what is going on, I am just sharing a very personal experience of one of the most painful times of my life. No one that I know of goes to a M&G with what seems to be a totally healthy almost 8 year old hound and expect to come home with an empty leash, I was totally rocked to the core. It still hurts to write about it.

 

to you

 

Yes, this was so sudden to a healthy black beauty of seven years old. A huge hit for me, my husband, and our Bella. As soon as Bella and we are ready, we want to adopt or become adopted by a Greybaby. That is a very careful decision as Bella and Angel were sisters. They spent their entire lives together. Whelped together, raced together, retired together, and adopted together. Always together. I thik it will take some time. Poor baby.

 

Walks are a good idea. Also if she doesn't want you to pet her try sitting in the same room with her and talking to her quietly or just reading. Sometimes just being in the same room with someone can help grieving.

 

As you described her actions it made me think of how some people get angry and push others away when they lose someone. Be patient and don't give up.

 

june

 

Very good point.

[greysmom]

Yes, I was going to mention that, with Bella and Angel being littermates, Bella is probably very lost right now. Imagine losing the one being you have NEVER been without in your entire life. She's sad and she's scared by all the changes and her humans are sooooooooo upset, and her dearest sister even scared her before she left for good. I would be willing to bet that Bella knew Angel was leaving before you or the vet did - and that is only contributing to her grief.

 

Try and make her life as normal as you can. Keep her on a schedule and let her participate as she feels able. Sit in the room with her, or close to her on the floor and read. You don't have to pet or touch her to offer the support of your presence. Give her ear a skritch when you walk by, or give her a really tasty treat out of the blue. Plus add in some special things you know she likes to do - walks at her favorite spot, the pet store, take her for a ride to get an ice cream cone or small hamburger, new toys and treats - anything that you can do together.

 

She'll get better, as you will get better. It won't be the same, but it will get better. She may not do well as an only dog, so you may need to adopt sooner than you might be comfortable with to help her.

[galgrey]

It's so hard. for both of you.

[Guest avadogner]

I think you both need a little time to heal. Getting out for a walk, ice cream, walk at the park is a great idea. It lets you spend sime time together and work off some energy and stress. I can't imagine how lost Bella is without Angel. It would be like losing a twin. I imagine she would be depressed and confussed. Some hounds just don't perk up until another hound introduced to the home. Perhaps a foster hound would help her adjust. Hang in there. It has only been a couple days and you are both are raw with grief. I have been thinking about y'all and praying for your family. We are here to listen and help you through this sad, difficult time. -alicia aka Ava & Augie's Mum

[Guest ladyhound]

I'm very sorry for your loss.

When I lost my first greyhound,Luna, my other greyhound Jade was as devastated as I was. She would run inside the house and look in every corner for Luna for days. Then she would go and collapse on a dog bed, just staring into space looking like she had no hope in the world...and nothing I could do would help her. Wouldn't eat, wouldn't do anything really. I was destroyed myself and while I tried to keep that from her, these are such sensitive creatures...they know.

Jade was missing Luna so desperately it broke my heart, and after a week or two it became pretty clear she was getting worse and worse. So, our solution was to bring a new grey in, another brood mama. Was I ready? No not even close. But I was terrified of losing Jade, and her mourning was just as bad as mine. I could not lose her too. As soon as Flirt got home I knew it was the right thing for us.

Jade knows that Flirt is not Luna, but somehow when she had another dog around again it changed things. She and I were both able to do the simple things we couldn't before... and while neither of us will ever stop missing Luna, Flirty has helped heal our hearts so much. I think she may have saved Jade.

I'll be thinking of you, and again I am so sorry for your loss.

[Guest Geostar]

I'm sorry about Angel's leaving. I agree with the others: Bella and you are grieving. Give yourself some time..

Take care and be good to yourself..

-star

[FiveRoooooers]

My heart broke for all of you when your Angel left. I'm so sorry. All I can share is when Segugio left three weeks ago, his littermate Sorella did go into what I would call a depression. I don't know how much of it was hers alone and how much was what she was picking up from me. I do have other hounds here and Seamus has been a blessing. But I think a lot of recovery is for them, as for us, simply time. Getting from here to there. With Sorella, she and I sat together. Shared snacks together. I read while sitting next to her. I've tried not to say "Segugio" out loud. She seems a little bit better every day and we will build on that. You will know when you are ready to open your hearts and home to another hound, but fair warning ... sometimes the heart healer's arrival occurs when you least expect it (btdt).

 

:bighug

[LadyGrey]

I think you both need a little time to heal. Getting out for a walk, ice cream, walk at the park is a great idea. It lets you spend sime time together and work off some energy and stress. I can't imagine how lost Bella is without Angel. It would be like losing a twin. I imagine she would be depressed and confussed. Some hounds just don't perk up until another hound introduced to the home. Perhaps a foster hound would help her adjust. Hang in there. It has only been a couple days and you are both are raw with grief. I have been thinking about y'all and praying for your family. We are here to listen and help you through this sad, difficult time. -alicia aka Ava & Augie's Mum

 

Alicia, when I think the time is ready, I just may very well be giving Mc Gregor a visit. I hope Melany is still there. She probably will remember the short encounter she had with Bella and Angel when my girls stayed there over night when we were going away. I was only up here for about two months and we did not have a kennel yet, and had just found our wonderful vet in Hartselle. I would love to come down with Bella if even for just a visit sometime soon. But Bella is scared of large dogs. When she hears all the barking from the kennels, she gets scared out of her wits. But with a slow introduction, she does well. These are the times when she relys on her sister's strength.

 

I'm very sorry for your loss.

When I lost my first greyhound,Luna, my other greyhound Jade was as devastated as I was. She would run inside the house and look in every corner for Luna for days. Then she would go and collapse on a dog bed, just staring into space looking like she had no hope in the world...and nothing I could do would help her. Wouldn't eat, wouldn't do anything really. I was destroyed myself and while I tried to keep that from her, these are such sensitive creatures...they know.

Jade was missing Luna so desperately it broke my heart, and after a week or two it became pretty clear she was getting worse and worse. So, our solution was to bring a new grey in, another brood mama. Was I ready? No not even close. But I was terrified of losing Jade, and her mourning was just as bad as mine. I could not lose her too. As soon as Flirt got home I knew it was the right thing for us.

Jade knows that Flirt is not Luna, but somehow when she had another dog around again it changed things. She and I were both able to do the simple things we couldn't before... and while neither of us will ever stop missing Luna, Flirty has helped heal our hearts so much. I think she may have saved Jade.

I'll be thinking of you, and again I am so sorry for your loss.

 

Poor Jade. That was a very deep grief. How wonderful that Flirt was able to reach Jade. I am so sorry for Luna. I am happy for your Flirt giving you comfort.

 

 

My heart broke for all of you when your Angel left. I'm so sorry. All I can share is when Segugio left three weeks ago, his littermate Sorella did go into what I would call a depression. I don't know how much of it was hers alone and how much was what she was picking up from me. I do have other hounds here and Seamus has been a blessing. But I think a lot of recovery is for them, as for us, simply time. Getting from here to there. With Sorella, she and I sat together. Shared snacks together. I read while sitting next to her. I've tried not to say "Segugio" out loud. She seems a little bit better every day and we will build on that. You will know when you are ready to open your hearts and home to another hound, but fair warning ... sometimes the heart healer's arrival occurs when you least expect it (btdt).

 

:bighug

 

Thank you. I do think it will take a little time too. I do not want to rush things. Today my husband and I are going to take Bella out to a park on the river - one of her favorite places. I think a nice treat is in order too.

[Guest greyers]

Yes, I was going to mention that, with Bella and Angel being littermates, Bella is probably very lost right now. Imagine losing the one being you have NEVER been without in your entire life. She's sad and she's scared by all the changes and her humans are sooooooooo upset, and her dearest sister even scared her before she left for good. I would be willing to bet that Bella knew Angel was leaving before you or the vet did - and that is only contributing to her grief.

 

Try and make her life as normal as you can. Keep her on a schedule and let her participate as she feels able. Sit in the room with her, or close to her on the floor and read. You don't have to pet or touch her to offer the support of your presence. Give her ear a skritch when you walk by, or give her a really tasty treat out of the blue. Plus add in some special things you know she likes to do - walks at her favorite spot, the pet store, take her for a ride to get an ice cream cone or small hamburger, new toys and treats - anything that you can do together.

 

She'll get better, as you will get better. It won't be the same, but it will get better. She may not do well as an only dog, so you may need to adopt sooner than you might be comfortable with to help her.

 

 

I ditto all of this. Prudence was with us at the vet when we had to put Jimmy James down, and that first night she seemed OK, but then she just wasn't herself at all. No enthusiasm for anything including walks and treats. We took her several times to walk with other greys and that was the most animated she could be. But when we would leave that was it, back to her blank stare and listlessness on walks and not eating. She normally sleeps and dreams all day long. And she wouldn't even close her eyes during the day. When she didnt pop out of it after a few weeks we knew we needed to get her a companion. Within 20 minutes of Rego being left in our home by the adoption rep, Prudence was sound asleep on the floor near him with eyes tightly shut. And she has barely missed a meal since then.

Your girl needs some time and patience and for us the extra walks and special treats and just being close to her DID help, but it wasn't enough in our case. Give a few weeks and you may see a huge difference in her. And if you do not, it may be time to start discussing bring her a companion.

Best of luck and so sorry for your loss.

[sobesmom]

She's sensing your emoitons. She's reacting to YOU. You may have to come to terms with the loss, for yourself, and for your other dog.

 

I've done it. It's not easy...but you must move on...for the sake of the living.

[3vagreys]

I know you're probably not ready, but you should consider whether Bella is ready for another dog. I know my little Echo was not herself until a few days after we got another. I was not ready but she was past ready. I could have saved her a lot of suffering if I had brought another boy home a few weeks sooner.

[LadyGrey]

I know you're probably not ready, but you should consider whether Bella is ready for another dog. I know my little Echo was not herself until a few days after we got another. I was not ready but she was past ready. I could have saved her a lot of suffering if I had brought another boy home a few weeks sooner.

 

I have read this from others above as well. I feel like this may be the case as well. I would be willing to bring another Greybaby very soon. However, there is only one thing. I have my husband to consider. He is really having a hard time. He has said he is NOT ready to bring another Greybaby onto the scene. He is just as distraut as I am, but he is grieving differently from me. We have Angel in the living room with her paw print and her favorite stuffy toy as a memorial. He is still with her - if that makes sense. Poor guy. We have to give it some more time here. But, we are taking Bella out a lot and trying to have a good time with her. We try to talk happy to eachother so she can see us enjoying each other as much as we can. I see her noticing every move we make, watches who is talking, watches the response of the other party, and our attitudes towards EACHOTHER. She hates it when we argue. So we agree not to act like dumbells and be mature at least in front of her.

 

She is so so so intuitive and perceptive!!!

Edited January 23, 2012 by LadyGrey

[Guest PhillyPups]

 

I could not wait until I was ready, I probably still would not be ready. When I lost Runner, if I did not bring Stepper in when I did, I would have lost SugarBear too.

 

Maybe you could foster?? That would give Bella a greyhound for company and it is the only successful failure I know of. Just a thought. That way your DH would know it was not "permanent" unless you both decided it would be, but it could also help Bella, she has never been an only dog before.

[LadyGrey]

 

I could not wait until I was ready, I probably still would not be ready. When I lost Runner, if I did not bring Stepper in when I did, I would have lost SugarBear too.

 

Maybe you could foster?? That would give Bella a greyhound for company and it is the only successful failure I know of. Just a thought. That way your DH would know it was not "permanent" unless you both decided it would be, but it could also help Bella, she has never been an only dog before.

 

 

 

That is definitely a consideration.

[3vagreys]

The question I had to answer was if I was ready to let Echo die because my son and I weren't really ready yet. And the answer I arrived at was no. Our feelings would sort themselves out in time and Echo would still be with us.

[LadyGrey]

The question I had to answer was if I was ready to let Echo die because my son and I weren't really ready yet. And the answer I arrived at was no. Our feelings would sort themselves out in time and Echo would still be with us.

 

I apologize, I must have not understood your post. You mean you LOST your ECHO??!!!! Oh noooo. Did I understand that correctly??

[Guest avadogner]

Just wanted to let you know we are thinking about you. Melony is still at McGregor making miracles happen. They just took in 8 senior hounds and have foound homes for 6 which is amazing. Take the time you need to heal and when you are ready, give Mel a calk and explain your situation, Bella's personality & dependence on Angel and let her pic a few hounds to meet. You mentioned Bella is scared of big loud dogs. The McGregor Ladies can recommend a less busy day and more quiet time to visit. There is huge running enclosure in front of the center where you can into Bella to the candidates with less chaos.

 

We adopted Augie to cheer Ava up after she became depressed when her Lumbar Stenosis worsened. She was withdrawn and I couldn't cheer her. Ava is a dominant female and had never tolerated sharing her Mummy or home so pevious foster attempts were failures. Melony knows us, Ava and our situation and was happy to help find a buddy for Ava. She picked out Augie for us and he is the perfect hound for Ava. Despite his 90 lb size, he is totally submissive to Ava, ignores her snarkiness and doesn't challenge her even as she is losing the ability to walk. Having a goofy brother to teach the rules and keep in line has perked her up. Her depression resolved and the progressionn of the LS has slowed.

 

I understand your feelings and need for time to heal. I know when Ava leaves us, we will have to adopt immediately. Augie's pliable nature makes him completely dependent on a dominant leader. He will be lost without her. Keep us posted on how Bella and your family are doing. Hugs and prayers to y'all!

-alicia