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Two Years Since You've Been Gone


Guest VelvetEars
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Guest VelvetEars

Today is such a hard day. It's been two years since I had to make that gut-wrenching always-second-guessing decision to let you go. Life just isn't right without you here, Janey. You left a huge, jagged hole in my heart that won't heal.

 

I've been trying to explain you to someone special to me, someone I think you might have even liked if you'd been able to meet him. It's hard to capture You in words and stories and pictures. You were larger than life, my girl. It's funny -- He said we're a lot alike, you and me. And i realized that if i had been a greyhound, i'd have been you. Brown eyes, broad in the beam, with a killer carb addiction. Bite first, ask questions later. Fiercely protective of the ones we love. Run? Me? Surely you jest. Why run when you can walk? Why walk when you can drive? Better yet, let's stay home and nap on the couch. Except i don't pee every time i walk down the stairs. just when i sneeze.

 

I wish i'd taken more pictures.....but i always thought i had plenty of time, and you were too busy trying to be as close to me as possible that i had a hard time getting enough distance from you to take your picture. I don't have a good comparison of that long scruff-necked dull track coat and the sleek, super shiny gorgeous girl you turned into. I wish I had a good picture of the two of us.

 

You were such a fighter, baby girl. Such a fighter. When i look at the pictures of the burns the eVet left on you and then saw how beautifully you healed, i'm still amazed. And the stroke....god, the stroke. I can't begin to describe the fear that took hold when i drove you to the vet, rigid and unable to stand. I would have slept on the floor next to you for weeks if that's what it took. You bravely faced a week at Mizzou without me, and you touched everyone you met there. But not only that, you got better. You amazed everyone, sweetie. Your doctors here, the specialists at Mizzou, your fan club on GT, and your family. Me. We all did what we could for you, but in the end, the recovery was up to you, and you exceeded my expectations. My hope was just to get you walking again. And yet you not only managed that, but learned the stairs again and even could pull out a little sprint to the back door now and then. Even the tail amputation didn't set you back. You just kept on keepin' on.

 

I carry so much guilt about giving you the bone that took your life. Yes, i know there was what appeared to be a tumor behind your stomach that hadn't been there when you were at Mizzou 6 months before. And yes, i know it was probably cancer. But with as hard as you fought to beat everything else, i can't help but wonder if you'd have pulled off one more miracle. I know you were tired. I know it hurt. And I know you were telling me you were done. I know. My heart heard all of that. But my head wasn't listening. And my heart didn't want to listen.

 

Janey Janey Janey.... Time will never erase you from my heart. I miss you every damn day, but today is the one day i allow myself to cry.

 

 

Would you know my name

If I saw you in heaven

Will it be the same

If I saw you in heaven

I must be strong, and carry on

Cause I know I don't belong

Here in heaven

 

Would you hold my hand

If I saw you in heaven

Would you help me stand

If I saw you in heaven

I'll find my way, through night and day

Cause I know I just can't stay

Here in heaven

 

Time can bring you down

Time can bend your knee

Time can break your heart

Have you begging please

Begging please

 

Beyond the door

There's peace I'm sure.

And I know there'll be no more...

Tears in heaven

 

Would you know my name

If I saw you in heaven

Will it be the same

If I saw you in heaven

I must be strong, and carry on

Cause I know I don't belong

Here in heaven

 

Cause I know I don't belong

Here in heaven

 

 

s4300461.jpg?w=224&h=300my-love.jpg

Edited by VelvetEars
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Guest IrskasMom

Ohhh Meredith , why did you make me cry , I can't see very well right now. :weep:weep:weep Such a touching Tribute for this special Girl. :grouphug:grouphug:grouphug

Edited by IrskasMom
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Meredith, I'm so sorry. I remember Jane's passing. Isn't it amazing how much these animals touch us? Sometimes it's like nobody else could ever understand, but we do. We miss Jane, also, and wish there was something we could do to ease your pain. Most of all, everything you did for Jane was out of love and devotion. Never second guess that flowers_red.gif

siggy_robinw_tbqslg.jpg
Xavi the galgo and Peter the cat. Missing Iker the galgo ?-Feb.9/19, Treasure (USS Treasure) April 12/01-May 6/13, Phoenix (Hallo Top Son) Dec.14/99-June 4/11 and Loca (Reko Swahili) Oct.9/95 - June 1/09, Allen the boss cat, died late November, 2021, age 19.

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:grouphug

 

I know nothing I could say could make you feel better today, but just know I'm thinking of you.

 

I'm sure Jane and Vixen and the rest are watching over us.

Laurie

**& Angels Emily, Beatrice, Okie, Rhemus ,Vixen, and Rose-always in my heart**

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Guest Mooogies

I will try (briefly) to tell you my story of my Bear who went to the Rainbow Bridge in September. She was a very brave brave girl, who after a swallowed ball which was followed by sepsis among many complications. This landed her in an e-vet for 8 days basically in intensive care but she came back. It was a miracle! I cherished every day with her and spoiled her and let her sleep on my bed even though I spat hair out every night. And along with all the very good days I had left with her I also carried that guilt about leaving a ball out that made her so sick.

 

I lost her 2 years later to a brief but very intense case of pancreatitis that took her from me much too early. I stayed with her till her final moments and agonized for days about having let her go.

 

I have cried a lot of tears for my Bear girl and I know there are still a lot of tears to fall for her but they are tears for an Angel so they can't be bad tears.

 

At least we have a place to share our emotions and know that people understand what we are going through.

 

I hope Bear has found Jane and is running free with all of our Angels.

 

:f_pink

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