Ted's Death=greyhound/no Greyhound?

[Guest tedsmom]

perhaps i should not post this in the remembrance section but i do not know where else to post it.

 

i withdrew my membership to my group yesterday, unsubscribed from the email list, and set forth on a long journey greyhoundless for the rest of my life. my heart aches without ted, my life is empty, britty is lost. in the beginning it was just britty and me, then came lovey, then we lost lovey and ted came to us and helped sooth those wounds, now ted is gone, there is no one to sooth the wounds. britty is withdrawn, i am heartbroken.

 

i found myself tonight looking a greyhounds on the internet, wanting to reach thru the screen and love them. i even looked at foster applications with various groups. then realized what i was doing. why would i foster with another group when my group i just left is so wonderful? i spoke with my groups vet today after i sent the details of the events leading up to the day (a week ago today) which he requested as to try to maybe prevent this in another hound--he expressed that he wished i had an autopsy done, and while i thought about it, i wanted to bury ted with respect.

 

i think i think everyone is thinking of me what i think of myself-how could this have happened--we trusted her with 2 precious dogs and they died under her care---

 

i researched greyhounds for over three years before realizing the dog was for me--in fact, owning/fostering a greyhound (successfully) is one of the 3 things i wanted to do before i die. so not only has my heart been shredded, a dream of mine has died as well.

 

one minute i am sobbing over ted the next i am longing for another hound to help soothe my wounds and make britty and i whole again and let us give a loving life. how do i know when i am ready? how do i know that my group isnt thinking the awful things about me that i think about me? how do i expect them to trust me with another hound?

 

has anyone else experienced this?

[Greytlady94]

Molly, no one will know when you are ready but you. Between 1994 and 1996 we adopted four greyhounds. Within six months in 1998 we lost two of those greyhounds, our first adoption, Casey, and our fourth adoption, Charlie were both lost to cancer at the ages of 8 and 6, they both went down very quickly, within two weeks of diagnosis, they had to be helped to the Bridge. It took me a long time to be able to adopt again, over two years, and I probably would not have even then, had my DH not started bringing it up. Then in December 2002 we lost Maggie, age 11, who was our third adoption, a blood clot to the leg got Maggie. I miss my Maggie so much, but this time it was me who wanted to adopt again, but DH wasn't ready. I ended up fostering two greyhounds, and we adopted one of them. I think you will know when you are ready, that could be next week or next year. Just take care of yourself, allow yourself to grieve, and when you cry over Ted's loss, realize that is a normal reaction. A year from now, five years from now, you may still cry over Ted's loss, but that's OK, and it doesn't mean you can't love another.

[Chee]

You will be ready when you stop blaming yourself. I know, it's hard. My best friends lost a cat and two dogs in four months. It was devastating. Especially when their brand new puppy died. They blamed themselves for a very long time. It didn't just affect how they felt when they were home with their remaining pet, it permeated all aspects of their life. Through time and a lot of talking, they have made peace with what happened.

 

I think that peace is what you are looking for. I know that when you achieve it, you will be ready to open your home and heart to another grey.

 

[Guest lillysmum]

It's not your fault. These things, sadly, happen to the best of us. I know it's very difficult to grieve just one loss, but two in quick succession does leave us to find ourselves lacking in some fundamental way.

 

You will find your way forward from this. You will know when it's time for another greyhound. In the meantime, take the time to grieve and remember your very special friends.

 

The right grey will come to you - I firmly believe that those who are waiting at the bridge send the next one safely home. Mourn in your own time, and you will find another grey when you are ready. You're in my thoughts. Gentle hugs.

[silverfish]

one minute i am sobbing over ted the next i am longing for another hound to help soothe my wounds and make britty and i whole again and let us give a loving life.  how do i know when i am ready?  how do i know that my group isnt thinking the awful things about me that i think about me?  how do i expect them to trust me with another hound?

 

has anyone else experienced this?

Molly, guilt is a natural part of grief. Please try to understand that in your heart as well as in your head.

 

I went through something similar with poor Susan. As I watched her get thinner and thinner and go downhill fast, with no-one really knowing what was wrong with her, I felt very strongly that the RGT had entrusted me with this sweet dog and I was failing her.

 

This feeling persisted right up to the moment she died (although the specialist who finally made the diagnosis on that very day was quite sure we wouldnt' have been able to save her even if we'd known earlier) and beyond to the days and weeks which followed her death. I felt awful. I felt responsible. I felt guilty.

 

But those I spoke to (mostly through my tears) who were involved with the RGT, the vets, friends -everyone - were all so nice. No-one judged me, or blamed me, or criticised me in any way. My RGT contact sent me photos of Susan with her last litter, and her previous owner (I'd never even met) tried to help by finding me a video of her racing. Everyone was kind and sympathetic and finally one of my friends reminded me of what I've said in the first sentence. Guilt is part of grief. Very, very few people escape it. The fact that you feel so deeply now is a measure of how much you loved Ted - it's as simple as that.

 

So why would you think you aren't a fit owner? You are. Those who love and who are willing to learn are the best owners.

 

You may not be ready to adopt another just yet, but gradually you will become aware that it is a possibility. And the more you think about it, the more it will seem like a good idea, then you won't be able to get it out of your head - then you'll know you're ready. Don't rush, but don't shut it out.

 

I do so feel for you. It's all quite recent for me, too.

[HJsM]

I'm so sorry, Molly. I lost my 13 year old dog last year and every day for weeks I said: what could I have done different? What did I do wrong? I didn't do enough! I didn't know dog first aid like I should have! On and on and on....I can understand your feelings of guilt VERY well. Look, this was a 13 year old dog that I had had since she was a 4 week old puppy! And I STILL felt cheated of time and like a horrible pet owner that she died very suddenly!

 

The only thing I can tell you is LET YOURSELF GRIEVE for as long as you need to. Sometimes it is good to seek the support of others, though. I know the SPCA here in Houston has a monthly round circle that gets together to talk and cry about lost pets. Maybe there is one in your area. Circle of Grey on the Yahoo list is also a safe place to go to grieve. EVERYONE there knows how you feel.

 

The other thing that REALLY helped me, Molly, was to just VOLUNTEER with greyhounds. Just to be with dogs and help care for them. I didn't committ myself to adopting at first, but just used the time to fill up the cracks in my broken heart. You could do this at ANY shelter. Not just greyhounds. The dogs love the attention and socialization and what a tribute to Ted that you would take your valuable time to look after other dogs.

 

I still wonder if you realize what you gave Ted. A lot of us here have heard how his earlier life was really hard. You can tell he loved you so much and was having so much fun. YOU gave him so much. Don't forget that.

[Guest mleg2001]

I'm going to make a suggestion and I mean no disrespect to you or Ted. First off I don't know the details of Teds death, other than he sounded happy and healthy a couple days before and you mentioned the passing of another greyhound. I have a feeling that the vet wanted to do an autopsy because their deaths were similiar in nature.

Possible causes of death, of course can be numerous. I also assume you live out in the country since you mentioned horses in a previous post. I was thinking that possibly there is something toxic on your property, whether it is in the soil(possibly someone has dumped some kind of toxic material on your property), some free standing water that is contaminated or possibly some kind of toxic plant, it is spring time and greyhounds are notorious for grazing. Greyhounds are very suseptible to toxins and their reactions to the toxins can occur rapidly in compared to other breeds. I don't know what breed of dog Britty is, but if there is some kind of toxin on your property she and possibly the horses may be at risk too. It is possible that a autopsy can still be performed even though some time has passed, if there is some type of toxin, the vet might be able to isolate what it is or they may find he had some other health problem, possibly knowing the answer may help to ease your grief.