Have You Ever Noticed When You Talk Your Pet's

[Guest Spencers_Greyt]

First I want to say that what I'm about to say is NOT about this forum at all! This forum has been a Godsend to me!

 

Have you ever noticed that when your hounds have on-going medical problems that people stop asking how they are and kind of distance themselves? It happens with human sickness too. Spencer has had a lot of problems in the last few months and people I know including family never ask me about him because I know they don't want to hear bad news or a long drawn out story. Trust me I don't go into a lot of detail unless I'm asked but it kind of hurts my feelings since almost everyone I know knows that my dogs are my children! I dote on them! Anyway, thank goodness for greytalk where people will listen or if they're not interested then they don't have to read the post and I would never know it.

 

Donna

[Guest sorenkkg]

I know what you mean Donna-- thankfully not so much with my pups, but actually that we studied this "phenomenon" in school... it was long ago so I don't remember all the details, but I definitely remember this exact topic in Sociology class.

 

Thankfully there are forums, both for humans with diseases and our gorgeous greys, when you can get advice, vent, explore new ideas in treatment avenues, etc.

 

[Guest TBaxes]

I find it amazing and very conincidental that you bring this up. I was thinking the same thing. We are the ones who had brother and sister Bubba and Annie. I used to take them to a dog park for their runs every Sunday at a certain time, and would see the same people every week. This has been going on for years, and I consider them friends....

 

We recen;ty lost Bubba, and I went to the park for the first time with only Annie. One women asked ...'where's Bubba?'. I mentioned what had happened, and all of a sudden I was avoided like the plaque. It was very odd, and was not what I expected. I try to look at the positive in everything, and figured that at least they weren't over sypathetic for I would have certainly broke down again.

 

But I have found that only fellow pet owners really cared about the tragedy that we went through. I would not ever try to explain this to a non-pet owner.

 

This was very odd though....

[CaliforniaGreys]

I am surrounded by non-pet people, mostly clients. The only ones who have ever cared about any of my dogs have been people here. The exception being my family who are not in Ca.

[Guest Spencers_Greyt]

I find it amazing and very conincidental that you bring this up. I was thinking the same thing. We are the ones who had brother and sister Bubba and Annie. I used to take them to a dog park for their runs every Sunday at a certain time, and would see the same people every week. This has been going on for years, and I consider them friends....

 

We recen;ty lost Bubba, and I went to the park for the first time with only Annie. One women asked ...'where's Bubba?'. I mentioned what had happened, and all of a sudden I was avoided like the plaque. It was very odd, and was not what I expected. I try to look at the positive in everything, and figured that at least they weren't over sypathetic for I would have certainly broke down again.

 

But I have found that only fellow pet owners really cared about the tragedy that we went through. I would not ever try to explain this to a non-pet owner.

 

This was very odd though....

 

It's even worse when there's a death. I don't think people know how to deal with it or what to say. I had been following the Bubba thread and know what a sai devastating thing if has been for you! I haven't lost a beloved pet in a very long time but I already know I will be a mess. When my mother was sick with cancer and then passed away, people avoided me like the plague as well. It is an interesting social phenomenon.

 

 

 

[greyhead]

Our culture encourages people to be relentlessly "upbeat," "positive," etc. I've noticed an increase in this pressure since the 1980's. But along with that has been a reduction in sympathy, empathy, and compassion. Even friends are considered to be "dumping" if they tell others about their problems. Before we can change this culture, we have to notice it and call it what it is. Thank you, Donna, for bringing this up!

[greysmom]

I agree. Most people are extremely uncomfortable talking about sickness and death, and our society doesn't encourage an open exchange of information and experience - except among people with similar afflictions. And when someone does try and open a dialogue their called "morbid" or something like that. I think a lot of people don't want to think that "it could happen to them."

 

And most people simply don't know what to say to express themselves. They don't want to hurt your feelings by bringing up something "bad" that happened, little understanding or knowing that you're hurt anyway by their NOT bringing it up.

 

greysmom

[MandysMom]

I agree. Most people are extremely uncomfortable talking about sickness and death, and our society doesn't encourage an open exchange of information and experience - except among people with similar afflictions. And when someone does try and open a dialogue their called "morbid" or something like that. I think a lot of people don't want to think that "it could happen to them."

 

And most people simply don't know what to say to express themselves. They don't want to hurt your feelings by bringing up something "bad" that happened, little understanding or knowing that you're hurt anyway by their NOT bringing it up.

 

greysmom

 

 

Yes, this is so true--so many times people don't know what to say, so they don't say anything.

[Guest lynne893]

Yes!! Strangely, I have noticed this. Mostly with neighbors. It's weird that they pay tonnnnns of attention to the dog(s) when they're fine, but the minute something is wrong or has me worried, they ignore/avoid.

 

People are weird.

 

Our culture encourages people to be relentlessly "upbeat," "positive," etc. I've noticed an increase in this pressure since the 1980's. But along with that has been a reduction in sympathy, empathy, and compassion. Even friends are considered to be "dumping" if they tell others about their problems. Before we can change this culture, we have to notice it and call it what it is. Thank you, Donna, for bringing this up!

 

 

Agreed. It's annoying.

[Guest Flysmom]

You just put in words what I am feeling and thinking right now. Fly is not doing great, we are waiting on Test results to find out if we have the big C.

I am devastated, worried, sad and so much more because he is my best friend and we have a bond. I care about him greatly and would do anything for him, as I would do for my children.

Friends and family really don't want to hear what is going on with him and how either he and I are doing. I am like you I do not go into details unless I am asked but the lack of empathy is killing me. What is even worse it is comig from my own husband too!! He detached himself from the situation - may be he is proctecting himself from getting hurt or may be he is just one of those guys (he was in Iraq twice, may be that has something to do with it) who hide their feelings. But it hurts like ...

What is also totally flabbergasting me is the response ' He is just a dog...'

[Guest EmilyAnne]

I've learned to be much more careful who I talk to about my pet's health problems. Even worse than them avoiding talking about it is when they criticize. For example, when they think you should have put your hound to sleep a long time ago, or when they think it was a really stupid thing to do to adopt a dog knowing he/she has special needs. Very different way of thinking.

 

It feels weird though, because some days, when we may have just recently been having a really tough time, and we talk with extended family, and they ask how everything is, and yet we know the last thing they want to hear about is the health issues of our pets which is what has been a BIG issue, and is pretty much all I can think about, but they want to talk about anything but. So we just don't tell them or we tell them very little. It feels like I am keeping a secret.

[Guest Spencers_Greyt]

You just put in words what I am feeling and thinking right now. Fly is not doing great, we are waiting on Test results to find out if we have the big C.

I am devastated, worried, sad and so much more because he is my best friend and we have a bond. I care about him greatly and would do anything for him, as I would do for my children.

Friends and family really don't want to hear what is going on with him and how either he and I are doing. I am like you I do not go into details unless I am asked but the lack of empathy is killing me. What is even worse it is comig from my own husband too!! He detached himself from the situation - may be he is proctecting himself from getting hurt or may be he is just one of those guys (he was in Iraq twice, may be that has something to do with it) who hide their feelings. But it hurts like ...

What is also totally flabbergasting me is the response ' He is just a dog...'

 

How is Fly doing? Have you got results back yet? I don't think I've seen additional posts on him. If you have posted then I'm sorry I missed it! Give him a hug for me!

 

 

[Guest CDNgreys]

I think people are also scared of asking a question that might break down your emotional control.

 

They might want to ask but don't want to take the risk of having you breakdown in tears either. Then they end up feeling bad for making you cry. If you mention an update then they might take the cue that you are able to talk about it.

 

Of course, we have the non-animal people who just don't care.

[Guest ss556]

Interesting topic. I realize that some people don't know what to say, but some of my friends never ask how Alan is doing - a few do. I think it's because I treat him like a child of mine and some non pet people/friends don't get it. Their loss, not mine. Being here on GT has helped me a lot through the rough times.

[rascalsmom]

I have noticed similar things since Buddy has died.

 

Our neighbors, who have the old lab that Buddy was friends with (his very first non-greyhound friend), have seen us out walking the girls several times, and have not said a word.

 

Also, one of my DD's friends--they have an old collie mix and a young [but GIANT!!] mastiff--we saw her parents the other day, we had just the two girls with us and they didn't say a word. The wife has always admired our dogs, in fact had a greyhound mix that she adored for years....but they said NOTHING. I am pretty sure their daughter knows, since she was at our house....

 

Thank heavens for GT, and people who "get it".

[Guest Flysmom]

You just put in words what I am feeling and thinking right now. Fly is not doing great, we are waiting on Test results to find out if we have the big C.

I am devastated, worried, sad and so much more because he is my best friend and we have a bond. I care about him greatly and would do anything for him, as I would do for my children.

Friends and family really don't want to hear what is going on with him and how either he and I are doing. I am like you I do not go into details unless I am asked but the lack of empathy is killing me. What is even worse it is comig from my own husband too!! He detached himself from the situation - may be he is proctecting himself from getting hurt or may be he is just one of those guys (he was in Iraq twice, may be that has something to do with it) who hide their feelings. But it hurts like ...

What is also totally flabbergasting me is the response ' He is just a dog...'

 

How is Fly doing? Have you got results back yet? I don't think I've seen additional posts on him. If you have posted then I'm sorry I missed it! Give him a hug for me!

 

I just wrote a Topic about his leg in the Medical discussion. We received the results today it is not OS...