ElizabethGPAPS Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 (edited) Isabella de Moreau, love of my life, has an appointment with the rainbow bridge tomorrow at 3:00. It will happen here, at home. It's been a long time coming - years, I suppose. Her spinal degeneration started in 2004 with occasional stumbling and the disease has slowly, inexorably claimed her bit by bit. It's been bad for a while now...a year? Two years? When did she start needing help up the stairs? When did she stop needing help and start needing to be carried? When did she stop going upstairs at all? It happened at the pace of a glacier...and with each loss of function she and I simply adjusted to the "new normal" and went on. Two weeks ago I came home from work to find Isabella lying helplessly on the back patio, her pajamas soaked in urine, unable to get up. Her bed is in the house but I would leave the back door open for her so she could go out and lay in the sun - that's always been such a source of enjoyment for her. In younger days she would actually get up and drag her outdoor-bed back into the sun if an offending cloud settled in, or as the sun moved and shadows were cast. It always made me smile to see Isabella - with her relocated bed, of course - lying in the last crack of sunlight at the very end of the yard at day's end. She wasn't going to accept anything less than all there was (which seemed to be her philosophy about life in general, come to think of it). That was the last day that Isabella ever stood up. I had our housecall Vet come look at her that night - she'd been examined 10 weeks earlier but falling down and not getting up was something new. We decided to start Isabella on low doses of prednisone and a broad-spectrum antibiotic. It couldn't hurt - this is an immobile, anorexic, incontinent 15.5 year old dog. Things don't tend to get better at that age - one just hopes to prolong the status quo. So, the prednisone certainly stimulated her appetite and thirst. But she still doesn't get up. She doesn't even try to move around. However it is that I position her before work or bedtime is exactly how I will find her 8 or 10 hours later. For the first week and a half I took her outside and balanced her on her spindly legs and pressed her little belly to potty her several times a day, but she has started to cry in pain now when I move her. Okay, so we do diapers and weewee pads. I bring her food and water and prop her up to eat and drink. She is ravenous for the first time in years. I stretch her legs and toes and turn her over occasionally, like a patty on a grill. We can do this, right? The new normal. But now the pressure sores have started, including a large one on her right hip that's extremely alarming and has got to be excrutiatingly painful, though she doesn't react when I clean and dress it. Her front legs are swollen from edema. Her joints are stiffening as they're no longer being used to bear weight. Her left front leg is permanently tucked up. Her head is skeletal, her body is becoming atrophied and twisted. At the end of passing urine a big glob of something bluish-white comes out. Her right eye is suddenly weepy. She is simply falling apart. I've laid her next to me on the couch as I type this...I keep reaching over to pet her and I feel only the sharpness of her bones. She brightens at my touch and looks over at me with love. More, she says. In my eyes she is still absolute perfection. I feel like a traitor for even making the arrangements for tomorrow. But she's broken and I can't fix her - I can only release her. May she forgive me. I'll write a proper eulogy for the Remembrance section when I'm ready to celebrate Isabella's life instead of mourn her death. Thanks to all the Greytalkers for being here and listening and understanding. Edited October 14, 2008 by ElizabethGPAPS Rugrat's Rebel (Simon) 09/03/1995-03/22/2010, Silly Savannah 05/14/1995-02/13/2009, Isabella de Moreau the Sloughi 05/15/1993-10/14/2008, Hammy the IG 06/11/04 and ChiChi the Chihuahua 2003 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batmom Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 Oh Elizabeth. My eyes are full of tears and my heart hurts for you. There's nothing for her to forgive. You're taking best care of her, as you always have. Give her a gentle scritch for me and tell her she's beautiful, will you? Star aka Starz Ovation (Ronco x Oneco Maggie*, litter #48538), Coco aka Low Key (Kiowa Mon Manny x Party Hardy, litter # 59881), and mom in IllinoisWe miss Reko Batman (Trouper Zeke x Marque Louisiana), 11/15/95-6/29/06, Rocco the thistledown whippet, 04/29/93-10/14/08, Reko Zema (Mo Kick x Reko Princess), 8/16/98-4/18/10, the most beautiful girl in the whole USA, my good egg Joseph aka Won by a Nose (Oneco Cufflink x Buy Back), 09/22/2003-03/01/2013, and our gentle sweet Gidget (Digitizer, Dodgem by Design x Sobe Mulberry), 1/29/2006-11/22/2014, gone much too soon. Never forgetting CJC's Buckshot, 1/2/07-10/25/10. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GreytNut Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 (edited) It is time. It's the hardest choice in the world to make. Nothing makes it easier. But Isabella has run out of possibilities for better tomorrows, and this is the best and kindest gift you can give her. I hope that when I'm as feeble as poor Isabella has become that I will have the option such a graceful release... or a loving caregiver--such as you are to her--who can make it for me. to both of you. Edited October 14, 2008 by GreytNut Kristen with Penguin (L the Penguin) Flying Penske x L Alysana Costarring The Fabulous Felines: Squeak, Merlin, Bailey & Mystic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patricia Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 I am so sorry and it is hard to type through my tears. I promise one thing...my Angels will find a soft and fluffy cloud for Isabella right under the sun with a clear view of her family so that she can watch over you until you meet again. My heart and prayers are with you. Patti-Mommy of Lady Sophia 7-28-92 - 8-3-04... LaceyLaine 8-2-94-12-5-07... Flash Gordon 7-14-99 - 8-29-09... BrookLynne...Pavé Maria... and 18 Bridge Kids. WATCHING OVER US~SOPHIA~QUEENIE~LACEY LAINE~ CODY ANGELO~FLASH GORDON. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelWhispers Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 Elizabeth, I'm so sorry. Isabella has nothing to forgive you for. You've loved her and that's enough, and that's all they ever ask of us. Denise & Strider, Blake, Fields, Frank, FlippyDoo, and Momma Gail. The Bridge Angels Zack(Ags Marble Chip) 4/25/93-2/16/06, Wanda(Rainier Rowanda) 12/14/94-06/09/06, Brooke/Boogers(Rainier Restive) 01/01/99-10/20/08, Warlock(Rainier Rammer) 4/29/99-10/01/09), Patsie(Frisky Patsy) 5/17/96-2/05/10, Hatter(Cals Madhatter) 6/3/00-3/11/10, Dodger(Rainier Ransack) 4/29/99-4/16/10, and Sparkle(Okie Sparkle) 11/8/2000-1/28/11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest longdogs Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 I'm very sorry. At least you know it is time and you have done your very best for her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest houndstooth4 Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 This sounds so much like what we went through in May with Treat. I'm so very sorry. My heart goes out to you! It's just so hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest zoolaine Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 Sorry that you have to go through this with your sweet girl. Your love for her is evident and she knows it. Thank you for sharing the story of her dragging her bed around to be in the sun that made me smile. Run free sweet girl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Greytluv Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 I have no words. Run free sweet Isabella....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest HeatherDemps Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 I'm sorry this time has come, it is so difficult. There is nothing for you to be forgiven for. You are doing what is best for your sweet girl- despite how hard it is for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest PiagetsMom Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 Yes, it is time .....and, I'm so sorry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rycezmom Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 Its so hard to watch the degeneration of one that is so loved. Our heart cries with yours........... The more I see of man, the more I like dogs. ~Mme. de Staël Missing my Bridge Angels Ryce, Bo, Jim, Miss Millie, Miss Rose, Gustopher P Jones (Pimpmaster G), Miss Isabella and Miss Star Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iluvgreys Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 I'm so sorry you're losing your beautiful Isabella. What a gem she's been through all of the changes in function you both have bravely faced. Sending you strength of heart to do what is so heart wrenching, and peace for you both. Jeanne with Remington & Scooter the cat....and Beloved Bridge Angels Sandee, Shari, Wells, Derby, Phoenix, Jerry Lee and Finnian.....If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heavenand bring you home again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ctgreylover Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 Bless you both Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DebR Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 I have no words that can possibly bring comfort... I've been there recently, and it just hurts. May God be with you both tomorrow, I'll keep you in my prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BooMooandDoo Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 You need to trust your decision. You have made the best choice for Isabella Run free sweet girl! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remolacha Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 I am so very sorry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jurishound Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 I am so sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest FullMetalFrank Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 I am sorry; You and Isabella are in my prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest HoustonGreys Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 Hugs and prayers for you and Isabella tomorrow. It's always so difficult to let them go, even when we know it's done out of love. I'm so sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Vinnie Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 What a wonderful life of love you have given your sweet girl and obviously that she has given you. With that love we pay the highest price and that is letting go. It hurts in our hearts and souls - it rocks our world - and then we feel the calm and the love surround us like an invisible hug knowing that she is now pain free and running with our other Bridge Angels. I am sure that when you close your eyes you will see her watching over you laying on a big fluffy bed in a beam of sunlight. May her passing be peaceful and may you find the comfort you need to know that you need not be forgiven - you are walking her to the Bridge with love in your heart where she will wait for you until you meet again. Run pain free sweet Isabella and don't forget to send your mommy a sign that you are ok. Sending gentle hugs and scritches. You will both be in our thoughts and prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forevermybabies Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 I'm so sorry. I know how slowly it creeps up on you. And normal moves elusively further away from level ground. I think forgiveness is not a word animals bother with. There is no then and now...there is love forever. To forgive implies anger at some point. I think you know in your heart that Isabel would NEVER have anger towards you. She can only love you the better for giving her freedom. Tami, Nikki & Gypsy (non-greyhounds, but still pretty good dogs.) Deeply missing Sunscreen Man, Angel (Back on the Job), Switzler Festus and Joe (Indio Starr) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest karma98104 Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 Your post brought tears to my eyes. I'm so sorry you have to go through this-- there's nothing to forgive- you are doing the kindest thing possible- you gave her a lifetime of love and comfort and she knows that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HJsM Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 I'm so sorry. It's the worst feeling in the world - though we know it is for the best. Isabella has known a lot of love and that is what she will know when it is time. ATASCOSITA DIAZ - MY WONDER DOG!Missing our Raisin: 9/9/94 - 7/20/08, our Super Bea: 2003 - 12/16/09, our Howie: 9/17/97 - 4/9/11, our Bull: 8/7/00 - 1/17/13, our Wyatt Earp: 11/22/06 - 12/16/15, and our Cyclone 8/26/05 - 9/12/16 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tydyelady Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 (edited) Elizabeth, I am SOOOOO sorry to read this, the tears are running down my face as I type. I know and feel your pain. It is so difficult to know when the right time is, as you said, you just adjust to what is happening. Albert and I did this with our Latanya, the incontenence, the diapers, the soaked blankets every day - but we adjusted, and took care of her, just as you are doing with Isabella. Do not feel guilty, you are giving the final gift of love, so she can be pain free, free of a body that is failing her. Be strong for her and know that you did all the rights things, and are doing the right thing now - it is just time. We will be thinking of you tomorrow at 3, and sending support and strength to you, and wishes for a peaceful passing for Isabella. And hopefully some time in the near future you will receive a sign from her that she is strong again and running free in a beautiful place where there is no pain or sickness. Hugs from both of us, and from Opie. Edited October 14, 2008 by tydyelady Mom to Toley (Astascocita Toley) DOB 1/12/09, and Bridge Angel Opie (Wine Sips Away) 3/14/03-12/29/12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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