Aug 6 2006 - The Beginning Of The End

[Pippin]

Last year, Aug 6 was a Tuesday. I had Jessie scheduled for a dental that morning, and I dropped her off at the vet's on my way into the office. This was during the 2-week period that I was in town between July 8 and Oct 9. Vet opens at 8, and I was back at my office by 9am, not expecting to hear anything from the vet until after lunch sometime.

 

Around 930, my cell phone rang. Caller id said "Vet" so I answered it. Doc said she wasn't doing Jessie's dental that day - her blood tests showed very elevated kidney values, and putting her under would just add more stress to her system.

 

"What does this really mean?" I asked. "Are you telling me this is the beginning of the end?"

 

"It might be."

 

"So we have... what? Three weeks? Three months? Three years?"

 

"Yes. It could be any of those, depending on how she responds to the treatment."

 

 

(odd that I can remember almost exactly some parts of the conversation 12 months later)

 

Doc kept her all day, pushing IV fluids, and Jessie pranced out to meet me when I picked her up, just like normal. We put her on a special diet, made sure she had plenty of water available at all times, and I took her with me everywhere I could before I hit the road again.

 

I left for an extended road trip about 10 days later, and was gone for 3 weeks. Jessie stayed with my friend Dee, and was thoroughly spoiled by her and Jon. Meanwhile, I kept dreaming about her, and trying to use my dreams to tell her it was ok to go, if she was ready to leave. I kept my personal cell phone turned on at the client sites (it's usually off when I'm with a client), and explained to everyone that I had a sick dog, and would take any call that came in about her, even if it interrupted a class. Everyone was very understanding.

 

We had a health scare the 2nd week I was gone, and Dee took Jessie in to Doc. I told Dee that if Doc said it was time to go, don't make her wait for me to get home. But it was just a urinary tract infection, and abx cleared it up.

 

Sept 7, I was still on the road, but almost ready to head back to GA, and Jessie was due in to Doc's for a re-check of her bloodwork.

 

I was driving back from TX to GA, and had made it about halfway through Mississippi when my phone rang that evening. It was Dr Brown. I pulled into a bank parking lot to talk to her, so I could give her my full attention.

 

She'd run Jessie's tests, and the news was not good. The values had gotten worse, not better.

 

 

"What's next?" I asked, dreading her answer.

 

"We let her go. Kidney failure is NOT an easy way to go, and it wouldn't be kind to keep her around."

 

"Ok. When can we do it?" (Doc and I have a long-standing agreement: I trust her to tell me, objectively and disapassionately, when it's time to say goodbye, and when she says it's time, I'll say OK.)

 

She checked her appointment book, and had a 20 minute opening free that Saturday, Sep 9. I would be back in town sometime Friday, leaving again on Sunday, so that worked out. We scheduled the appointment, and then I sat in the parking lot and cried.

 

I picked Jessie up from Dee's at around 2pm on Friday afternoon, and left the other dogs there. Jessie & I had a solid 24 hours together where it was just us. I gave her raw hamburger for dinner - she ate it like she'd not been fed in days. (I cleaned it up from the floor later, undigested. Her system was already shutting down)

 

Saturday morning, Sept 9, I took Jessie out to breakfast. There's a little restaurant I love that has an outdoor patio, and you can bring your dogs if you sit outside. She lay on her pillow next to my chair, eating whatever I gave her. The folks at the table next to me were admiring her (everyone loved her), and collected their bacon as a gift to her. She ate their bacon, disdaining mine. *smile*

 

Usually I had to fight traffic to get to Doc's. Not this day. We were there early. They told me we could go on back, and Doc would be there when she finished with another patient. I sat on the floor, and held my little girl on my lap, and told her over and over how much I loved her, and how glad I was that she had come to live with me. I told her she wasn't really a nuisance, it was just my pet name for her, and that there would never be another iggie like her. I thanked her for loving me, and told her I'd see her at the bridge someday.

 

Dee came to join us, so I wouldn't have to go through this alone, and then Doc came in. We reviewed everything, and agreed again that this was the best decision, and the right time. We lifted Jessie up to the exam table, so that we could surround her with our love, and Doc gave her the injection. We stood around and told Jessie stories while we waited for her over-generous heart to stop.

 

At last it was still. As we fell silent, we could hear Dee's iggy George barking from the van. Dee said maybe Jessie stopped on her way out to say goodbye to George. Maybe she did, because George had been ignoring me when I house-sat for Dee, but the next time I was there, he sought me out and sat in my lap, and snuggled next to me at bedtime.

 

I left Doc with a hole in my heart. A hole that scabbed over, but would rip open at unexpected times. Christmas-time was one, and I found myself bawling my eyes out as I remembered our 2 1/2 years together. I missed her, and her little idiosyncracies that drove me crazy when she was alive.

 

My budget was pretty slammed with Jessie's last month, and my 2 big girls had dentals due, so I had to wait awhile to do anything about bringing her home. I finally have the spare $$, so she'll be coming home sometime in the next couple weeks. When I get moved into my new place, I"m planting a butterfly bush in a sunny spot for her. It will be the beginning of my memorial garden.

 

My lovable nuisance when she first moved in:

 

 

Two and a half years later:

 

 

I still remember you, sweetheart. You'll always have part of my heart. Thanks for sharing your heart with me.

Edited August 8, 2007 by Pippin

[Guest argolola]

God bless you as you reminisce on your precious angel.

[Guest JMinAugustaGA]

[Guest how888]

I am so very sorry for your loss. I can only tell you to believe she is just a rainbow away. Until we meet again sweet one, run with the angels.

[Guest Becki]

oh, Mary, that brought tears to my eyes. What a lovely tribute

[grey14me]

[Guest ss556]

I am so very sorry for your loss.

[patricia]

I think that Jessie and Queenie are together at the Bridge...both free of the horrible renal failure.

[Pippin]

I think that Jessie and Queenie are together at the Bridge...both free of the horrible renal failure.

 

I'm sure they are - and Jessie's very comfortable around greyhounds

[greypuppyluv]

[Sirocco_Nikki]

I am very sorry for your loss.

[Batmom]

She was the most beautiful little peanut in the world.

 

Hope you are resting well, little one.