Jump to content

The Pain Is More Overwheming Than I Ever Imagined.


Guest vwagner1
 Share

Recommended Posts

Guest vwagner1

I thought today would be a little easier. I was so wrong. I can't stop crying. I regret my decsion and wish I could turn back time and stop all of this. I change my mind! She wasn't ready! I wasn't ready! What did I do? I made a huge mistake. I just stare at her empty bed. I made her food bowl this morning again. I was going to get her pills ready this morning. I don't even want to clean up the poop outside because I know some of it is hers. I feel like I am going crazy with saddness. I made a mistake and I want her back. I feel like I took advantage of the time I had with her. I should have spent more time with her. I should have cuddled her more. Even seeing my puppers now is painful. I see her in their eyes and it hurts so bad. I think Brad (male grey) is glad she is gone. He had been mounting her and biting her (not hard) the last 2 weeks as things got worse. He knew. I want her back. I wish it were this time yesterday and I could reverse all I have done.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest BrockGusDad

Vicki, your pain is so new, and thus so very piercing. There is little others can do but allow you to vent; and vent you should. We so wish we could do more.

 

The only thing that can reduce the sting is time... time consumed by your gradually replacing the pain with all the wonderful memories. Soon you will feel the strength only to be had by accepting the love gathered rather than the sorrow.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest NancyJ

Hello Vicki,

I just read your new posting. I shae your sorrow and sadness over the loss of Kim. Please do not beat yourself up over this--you did the riight thing. I would be happy to talk with you on the telephone. Send me an email and I'll forward you my number. I'll be here for the next hour. I live in Massachusetts.

 

Nancy

 

njbreen@earthlink.net

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh Vicki I feel for you! Time will ease the pain and you will dwell on memories - Don't feel you made a mistake - you must have felt it was time to let her go. Just know that she is part of your life forever - you will always carry her in your heart and memories! :f_red:bighug

pepsi-2009.jpg?t=1262016678
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Shhhhhhhhhh. We're never ready, and it always hurts.

 

Sending hugs.

Star aka Starz Ovation (Ronco x Oneco Maggie*, litter #48538), Coco aka Low Key (Kiowa Mon Manny x Party Hardy, litter # 59881), and mom in Illinois
We miss Reko Batman (Trouper Zeke x Marque Louisiana), 11/15/95-6/29/06, Rocco the thistledown whippet, 04/29/93-10/14/08, Reko Zema (Mo Kick x Reko Princess), 8/16/98-4/18/10, the most beautiful girl in the whole USA, my good egg Joseph aka Won by a Nose (Oneco Cufflink x Buy Back), 09/22/2003-03/01/2013, and our gentle sweet Gidget (Digitizer, Dodgem by Design x Sobe Mulberry), 1/29/2006-11/22/2014, gone much too soon. Never forgetting CJC's Buckshot, 1/2/07-10/25/10.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest OnecoRose

Please believe you did the right thing, for her. I know how hard it is but time will heal your heart. Life is tough at times, I have been through it, in Dec actually. Sending prayers for you, and remember she is happy and pain free.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh Vicki, my heart goes out to you. I've been right where you are. Please don't second guess your decision. You made it out of love for Kimmie. The only thing that is going to make you feel better is time. In my experience the first week is absolute he##. The second week you start to feel a little better and the crying spells get a little less. As time passes you remember all the wonderful things about her and the bad stuff starts to fade. You'll get through this, I promise! Come on here and vent. We're all here for you.

Judy, mom to Darth Vader, Bandita, And Angel

Forever in our hearts, DeeYoGee, Dani, Emmy, Andy, Heart, Saint, Valentino, Arrow, Gee, Bebe, Jilly Bean, Bullitt, Pistol, Junior, Sammie, Joey, Gizmo, Do Bee

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest argolola

I feel so bad for you. Many of us have been in similar shoes and have second guessed our decisions. We helped my beloved Zombie to the bridge almost 2 years ago and it was kinda sudden. It's normal to want to turn back time. I beat myself up over not being a better mom to her, but I think that's normal too.

 

Our babes are happy and healthy at the bridge and I do believe we will be with them again. Please be good to yourself and don't blame yourself. God bless you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

:grouphug:grouphug You gave your baby doll a very special and loving gift...she is healed and running and playing at the Bridge with our Angels. She will love you forever for the unselfish decisions that you made in her behalf. She will always love and guide you... :f_pink

Usethisone.jpg

Patti-Mommy of Lady Sophia 7-28-92 - 8-3-04... LaceyLaine 8-2-94-12-5-07...

Flash Gordon 7-14-99 - 8-29-09... BrookLynne...Pavé Maria... and 18 Bridge Kids.

WATCHING OVER US~SOPHIA~QUEENIE~LACEY LAINE~

CODY ANGELO~FLASH GORDON.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest MySkye

The "what if's" will torment you until you are ready to accept that what you did you did as your most unselfish, incredibly strong act of love for your dog.

 

I wailed for 3 days straight last week, when I put Skye down AFTER I thought she had only sprained her leg, she was diagnosed with OS and the doctor said the pain was incredible. It never crossed my mind that she was not coming home after I dropped her off that morning. I truly thought I would have to explain to DH why I spent $$$$$$$ on a hot pink doggie cast for my girl. I know the demons that race in your head right now, they are not true. They are absolutely not true.

 

The evening after Skye went to the Bridge I screamed at the absolute top of my lungs, I hated the vet, I hated myself, I wanted her back, I wanted to stroke her face and kiss her eyes, my poor DH just held me until I literally fell asleep with exhaustion. I read the websites that showed GH amputees doing fine after OS and I loathed the fact that I had sold Skye out so quickly. I was not a good mommy to her, I told her I would always protect her, always do the best for her, what possessed me to not walk out of the vets office holding her weak body is something I still can't believe I didn't do. The OS had already gotten to her lungs, she was living on borrowed time and I never knew it. The vet was kind enough to wait a few days before he called after we helped her to the Bridge and told us that she was consumed with OS and that no surgery, no chemo, no amount of love was going to make her well again. He told me I did the right thing. I wanted to tell him to go to he*&.

 

I am still angry and hurt, just not at the vet. I am angry at this disease, and others that rage silently in our angels and we have NO idea. The shock still engulfs me.

 

I think I spent 8 hours logged onto this website for the following 5 days to re read all the good wishes and to try to understand why my baby was called away to soon. Come back here often with a box of tissues and cry. It will cleanse the hurt, the anger, the pain and wash away all the bad thoughts you are carrying.

 

I am proud to be a part of a forum of strong women. My DH couldn't bear to be with me and my Skye at the last minute. He quietly sobbed around the corner. Men are made of different fiber, not better, not worse, just different. I don't hold it against him, but I know that women are stronger in these situations. We will make a fortress around you with support and concern and we will not abandon you when you need us the most.

 

My personal e-mail is FloydLL@npt.nuwc.navy.mil, feel free to drop a line anytime or PM me through here.

 

God Speed Kimmie, run far, run free :gh_runner

 

You did the most noble thing imaginable and in time you will see that what we all are saying is true. What a wonderful momma she had!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest DoofBert

Vent, get it out. scream if you must. But be assured, you did do the most unselfish thing you could have done. Let the anger out so you can remember the love and joy dear Kimmie brought to you.

 

I truly believe our pets stay with us forever...

 

big hugs to you..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Meredith

Aw, sweetie, it's ok. Grief isn't pretty, and it pulls some pretty tough punches.

 

Sometimes being a good mommy means knowing when to let them go, even when it hurts so much. They ask us to love them, and sometimes loving them means helping them go, even when we second-guess ourselves later. Having regrets is NORMAL, and it's part of the grieving process. I'd be willing to bet that any one who has made this decision would give anything to have one more day, one more chance for loves and kisses and cuddles. But sweetie, she was telling you it was time. She knew it, and she told you with her heart, and you heard her.

 

Saying goodbye is never easy. We are never ready for it. Ever. There is a hole in your heart that only she can fill. Over time, that hole will be filled - to some degree - by memories of her, that cold nose, her quiet gracefulness, those soulful eyes... Time will heal some of the hurt, and you'll be able to think of her and smile. She will always be with you, Vickie, always, even though you can't see her anymore.

 

Scream and cry all you need to. I'm PMing you my # if you need to talk, even if it's 3a.m. I can always listen, so please don't hesistate to call if you need a shoulder, ok? Husbands are good, but they grieve differently than we do.

 

Hang in there - we're thinking of you and praying for you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am so sorry that you are feeling such pain. Please trust in yourself that you made the right decision. Kimmie is pain free and knows you love her. :grouphugf_yellow

Daisy & Eli, the crazy hounds, and Bella & Zoe, the curly kitties,
and Jed (10.30.98 - 11.28.08) & Ripple (3.25.99 - 8.20.09) together again at the bridge
with Cleo-Kitty (10.8.1988 - 7.26.2007) always in my heart.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest keegsmom

Vicky, what you are feeling is normal, and it does not in any way mean you made the wrong decision. Sometimes the kindest thing we can do for our dog is the hardest thing for us to bear. When I helped my sweet dobie Mik over the Bridge, she still looked healthy to anyone who didnt know that she had a rapidly growing tumor in her back that was robbing her of the use of her legs and control of her bladder. I could have waited until Mik was completely unable to walk, but that would have been selfish to keep her here in that condition just because I couldnt stand to say goodbye and let her go to the Bridge with dignity. But I understand how hard it is to make that decision and the terrible pain of second guessing whether it was the right thing. But what helped me the most was to remember that Mik wouldnt have wanted to live that way, and now she is running and romping with her grandfather Misha in a place where there is no illness or pain. I do believe I will be with them again, and I believe that one day you will be reunited with Kimmie. She knew how much you loved her, and she knew that she could always depend on you to take the best care of her, no matter how painful it was for you. You did the most loving and unselfish thing you could have done. And Kimmie will always be with you in your heart, because love like that goes even beyond this life.

Run free sweet Kimmie--many friends are there to welcome you! :gh_run

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest tricolorhounds

I can not even express how sorry I am to hear of the untimely passing of your Kimmie and also Fudgie and Skye and excuse me if I've forgotten more angels that have left us recently.

 

Please continue to post your stories about your beautiful babies. Although I don't get a chance to respond to every thread, I read them all, my heart breaks and I shed a tear with you and yours.

 

Run Free Sweet Babies

:gh_run2:gh_run2:gh_run2

 

 

edited to say: I'm sorry, I forgot beautiful Zelda

 

Run Free Baby

:gh_run2

Edited by tricolorhounds
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Baloos_Mom

Making the decision to let a pet goes is the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. (not the worst thing or the hardest I have gone through...but hardest task I have had). But I think we know when it is time. And I think you really do know that you made the right decision for Kimmie. You didn't make it on a whim or without good reason. She was suffering and needed peace....and like everything else she needed...you gave it to her! My vet sent me a card after I took my baby Nikita in. The card said "the saddest day with your dog was also the kindest". And I think that sums it up quite well. It isn't easiest for us...but it is for them. Honor her memory....cry, look at photos, but know that you did right by her. She would not want you to feel this way. She loves you and doesn't want this for you. :grouphug:f_red Run free sweet angel! :gh_run

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Vicki, I felt the SAME exact thing. I was embarrassed to admit it too, I didn't want to pick up the poop either. I didn't want to vacuum the house, because it meant getting rid of all Hank's hair. Just take your time, and don't do anything you don't want to. I couldn't pack any of his stuff away for weeks. I just left it all there because that's the only thing I could do. And I regretted not spending more time with him and letting him at least sleep in my bed his last night!!! But you can't go back and change anything. You did the biggest act of love, which is letting them go when they need to. Kimmie didn't deserve all the pain she went through. She didn't deserve to not understand why it hurt, and why she was always tired, and had accidents. She deserves to be painfree and running around like the happy girl she was. I'm here for you.........I'll call you tonight :bighug

Edited by Sara
Link to comment
Share on other sites

You did the right thing, at the right time. I know that doesn't make you feel better right now, but it will in time believe me.

 

Brad was trying to tell you that one of his pack was very sick, it is perfectly normal behaviour in the animal world.

 

I will never forget when my Collie cross was diagnosed with colon cancer one of the horses that I looked after who had known her since the day he was born, tried to kill her. He had always been so gentle with her before (he was a stallion and very intelligent), he knew she was sick, and regarded her as a member of his herd, even though she was a different species, and he acted in that way to protect the other members of the herd as a sick herd or pack member is a liability. Nature seems cruel sometimes, but always knows best.

 

You would simply not be human if you didn't feel the way you do right now, it will get better with time :grouphug:grouphug

<p>"One day I hope to be the person my dog thinks I am"Sadi's Pet Pages Sadi's Greyhound Data PageMulder1/9/95-21/3/04 Scully1/9/95-16/2/05Sadi 7/4/99 - 23/6/13 CroftviewRGT

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...