tornadosgirl

Thank you all very much for everything you have said. It helps so much. Having Finn (who is a brother/cousin to Penny) has really helped. He has so many traits that Penny had, but yet he is different than her. I need to print out these posts and read them. A lot. Just a note about filing a lawsuit. In Massachusetts, dogs are considered property, and therefore one can't sue for malpractice. If we did sue, we could only get the "replacement value" of the dog. Anyway, I know the vet hospital learned a huge lesson and has changes many practices because of this incident, so that's what is important to me.

As most of you know, Penny died last November. She had just turned 5 and had done well with 5 months of chemo. An accidental overdose of chemo occured two weeks before I decided to end her pain. I am having a very tough time getting past the events leading up to her death. I need input about how to get past the guilt and the grief. Here is a letter I wrote to her. Dear Penny I'm writing because I am having such a hard time getting past how your life ended. When you got the overdose, I thought you would make it and still have some time with us, even though I knew it would be short. There was part of me that thought you would be "the exception" and live longer than the expectations. When you were in the ICU, they put the central line in you. I knew that it would give you nutrients and not calories, but I guess I didn't realize how much weight you would lose. I wanted you home so badly. And I thought that would be the best thing for you, but I don't think it was. I'm so sorry. When you finally came home- I think it was two weeks you were in the ICU- you were so emaciated, but I thought you'd start eating again. I bought everything you had loved before- yogurt, string cheese, peanut butter. I even got that special food so I could syringe feed it to you. But you would only take tiny amounts- not enough to sustain you. Your hind end was so sore, from all the diarrhea you had had. So we lifted you in to bed with us that Wednesday night. I made it real comfortable for you, I put an extra comforter underneath you. I knew you would need to pee a lot, because of the prendisone. You wet the bed that first night, and the next morning I did what I had done for you so often. I took a towel and got it soapy wet and gently tried to clean you up. Maybe I should have given you a tub bath. George stayed home with you on Thursday and that night, I got some special ointment from that pharmacy in Worcester for your hind end. I used almost the whole tube (I think it cost $60 for that tiny tube), but it didn't seem to help at all. I didn't realize that your urine had scalded your behind. I thought it was just your wound that was bothering you. Why didn't I realize that? Friday, I worked from home. You were so sore all day, you wouldn't lie down, you just stood, for most of the day. So I called to make sure I could give you more of the pain medicine. You slept a little bit, but not much. I knew you didn't have much time left, so why didn't I call in sick to work and nurse you, hour by hour? Why, again, did I not realize how bad things were for you? Friday afternoon you just trembled. You wouldn't look at me. You wouldn't eat, even the syringe food. Nothing I did comforted you. I decided not to wait to end your pain until it was convenient for me and George. I'm left with this terrible guilt feeling. That being home didn't make so much of a difference for you. That I should have realized the urine had scalded you. I'm feeling so terrible about the decisions I made. I know you would forgive me. I know you already have. But I can't get rid of the pain, the guilt I feel over how you died. I have so many good memories of you, but I just cry and cry every day about how your life ended. You were barely five years old.

I just saw this. Hoping Soul continues on the mend!

I'm adding my prayers for all of you.

Welcome from Webster,MA

What a wonderful life your wonderful girl had. My prayers go out to you.

We went thru this with Tornado. But then we found out that thyroid levels (ranges of what's "normal") are different for greyhounds. We consulted a greyhound expert and found out his value was within the normal range for a greyhound. Then we went on to explore other reasons for his low weight/weight loss. So you may want to check that your vet knows the correct range for a greyhound.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

My sympathy to you. It is so hard. Hang on to the memories.

Hi from central Massachusetts! You will LOVE Greytalk!

Hello and glad to have you on GT! What beautiful pups! -From Massachusetts

Farewell sweet boy.

Thinking about Soul and praying that this will turn out with him being better soon and a solution to his troubles.

My beloved Penny, a beautiful gift from God 9/23/03-11/14/08

My prayers and sympathy go out to you. What a terrible loss.

This makes me SO happy to hear that she is doing so well. Keep it up Bonnie!

Oh Joslin, I'm so sorry. I wish there was something I could say to ease your pain, but I know there isn't. Hold on to your memories.

I'm going thru this too. It is difficult. I think only time can help.I know I had her well-being as THE most important thing to remember. I know that I did what I thought was best for Penny.

Thanks for the replies. I do not want to break any rules, whether they be of Greytalk or just good practice in general. If this is against the rules, I request that it be locked. I don't want to do anything wrong or promote breaking any rules.

I have a lot of leftover medication that Penny took, some she never took. I know with humans it is best to discard the leftover medication, but is the same true with animals? Or does it depend on the medication? We have one bottle of something (have to figure out what it is) that we got specially shipped to us from a pharmacy in Arizona, paid $75 for, but Penny never got to take any of it- she was too sick at that point. I don't want to do anything improper, but if what remains could be used, I'd like to know. Here's the list: Baytril 136mg tablets; qty approx 20 Deramaxx; 25mg tablets; qty 19 1/2 Diphenhydramine 50mg capsules; qty 14 Famotidine 10 mg tablets; qty 8 (individual blister pak) Metoclopramide 5mg tablet; qty approx 20 Metronidazole 250mg tablet; qty approx 30 Procarbazine 50mg capsules; qty 14 SMZ TMP 960mg tablets; qty 4

DH (George) just wanted me to say "Thank You" to all of you for all of your kind words and well wishes. It means a lot. To both of us.

Penny went to the bridge about an hour ago. I'll post more, when I'm able. Updated with tribute: Penny aka DK Forever More aka Laverne My Final Walk I see Mom reach for the leashes, mine and TT's. Time for a walky-walk. Though he is 9 and I am 5, he jumps very high- all four feet off the ground. I jump (as I have since he taught me that I must jump at the site of my leash) just a very short, stiff front-legged jump. Mom smiles and giggles at my funny jump, but I stand calmly waiting for her to put my leash on me. I love my hot pink leash, you know. NancyB (whoever that is, but she's my friend I never met) sent it to me a few months ago, along with my new collar- pink pigs. Pink Pigs for Penny. Mom always puts my leash on first, because she can't catch TT. He is jumping around so much- you would think he had just won the lottery, Mom says, or that it's been 2 weeks since he last went for a walk- not a few hours. She finally gets TT to sit (for a moment) and puts his leash on him. TT's is black with gold dragons and a leash with the same design. Out the door we go. Like a lady, I let TT go out first. Down two steps and to the gate. I wait for Mom. This time I jump short jumps, my front legs alternately bouncing up and down, just a few inches off the ground. TT is jumping so high, Mom thinks he'll clear the fence. But he never does. Out the gate and down the driveway. I'm first, I'm leading the way, like I always do when we go on a walky walk. The only time I'm first. I pull really hard, as I always have, but Mom doesn't mind. We took obedience class, Mom and I, but I didn't care or understand what it was all about. At the end of the driveway, I veer sharply to the right so I don't have to walk over the drain in the street. If I had kept straight, I wouldn't have passed over it anyway. But I always want to make sure. Walk walk, walky walk. We cross the street to the side with no sidewalk. Mom doesn't mind, since we only see a car come down the street once in a while. We cross to the marshy side. No sniffing allowed (till we get to the Sniffing Place). But I sniff anyway and Mom lets me. "Let's go!" I hear and I go. "Hi Lily Rat Terrier. See you later. No worries." "So long Trish, Dick, David and Shelby. Thanks for letting me out in the afternoon, Shelby." Walk walk, walky walk. Mom, I gotta say bye to the guy working on his truck who doesn't see me walking by. "Bye bye. Tell your Mom I'm going to be okay now. And bye bye you two Wheaten Terriers. No need for all that barking now. I would never hurt you." Walk walk, walky walk. "Bye two little boys." Sorry, I don't know your names. You were afraid of me and, though it was very hard, I loved you from a distance. Sorry I can't stay to chat. I've got places to go (actually just one) and people to see. And My Mom. Round the corner. I smile and look over at the one neighbor who just waved as I walked by. I nod my head. There's Rick. He is having a yard sale, but I pull Mom up his driveway and he scratches my head. Mom apologizes for me barging in, but he understands. He smiles and asks me how I'm doing. Mom smiles and they say "See you later." Walk walk, walky walk. Now we walk in the street. I don't like walking by you Golden. You jumped at me once from behind your tall wooden fence and I was so scared. I would rather walk close to Three Big Dogs who bark and bark from behind their fence. Least I can see them. "Bye bye Mommy Three Big Dogs and Daddy Three Big Dogs." I hardly got to know you, but Mom always liked you because you asked for me all the time. Time to pee, just before the drain. Pee and walk. Pee and walk. Though Mommy doesn't mind waiting, I can't stop to pee (I never did). "Bye bye, Black Lab and Mommy Black Lab." See how calmly TT and I walk down the street? "Bye Old folks. Sorry I peed in your driveway once." Mommy Golden is mowing her lawn and, as usual, she's got Golden on a leash, walking beside her. Silly. I always stay inside when my Mommy mows. I don't want to be chased by that loud, noisy thing. Mom says she never would, but I don't know. Then I walk up their driveway and cross the lawn so she can say "Hi!" to me. I know she wanted to. "Bye", I say. Mommy tells her where I'm going. Mommy Golden smiles then tilts her had and frowns. She is happy and sad at the same time. Just like my Mommy. "Bye Evening Shift Neighbors". Didn't see you often, but I always thought of you as we walked by, hoping everything was okay with you. Everything's okay with me. Soon it will be, anyway. I walk by Dylan's house and here he comes, charging out his front door, Dylan's Mom chasing him. He runs toward me, but that's okay. I walk to him. TT is afraid, so I say "Hi!" for both of us. He pounds the top of my head with his open hand. That's okay. I don't mind. Dylan talks to me, even Mommy doesn't understand what he's saying. But that's okay. I sniff him and he giggles. Mom says "Let's go". I resist for a moment, but then I go. Almost to the Sniffing Place. Walk walk, walky walk. Pass quickly by JRT's and Fluffy White Thing's house. Hope they don't get loose this time and run underneath me. Ahh they don't. They don't even notice me pass by. Now I say "Bye" to Kids On Bikes. I was never afraid of bikes. I just loved to stand there as they crowded around me and petted me. "Just keep Beagle and Beagle Puppy away from me, okay? Tell Cousin Stephania from NYC that I love her". Kids On Bikes ride off the opposite way. They wanted to join us on the rest of the walk, like they usually do, but I told them to go have fun. Remember the good times, like last summer when you all rode bikes over to my house and asked me to come out to play. Please laugh when you think of me, don't cry. "Bye Lonely Golden. I'll pray that your Mum lets you inside sometimes." Ahh, almost to the Sniffing Place. I walk as fast as I can. Walk walk, walky walk. Ahhh Sniffing Place. Now Mom lets us sniff to our heart's content. I pee. I pee and walk. Pee and walk. TT pees on my pee. He always does that. Mommy sings "Pee pee, pee pee pee. I'm gonna pee on your pee pee." I sniff and sniff. It's all woods here and I love the sniffs. There's Neighbor Cat, trying to hide in the woods. I never see her. TT does his business here, on a bush, but I never do. I don't like to do my business in public. Almost home. Up the last part of sidewalk and up the long driveway. Usually Mom has to practically drag me at this point, but now I pick up my step. Mom is confused, but soon she'll understand. "Oh Abby and George". My neighbors on the other side of the fence. "Thank you so much for all the scritches and pats. I loved to lie down against the fence so you could scritch me and I could sniff then lick your fingers. You were so good to me, even when I was sick. You never understood that and never cared. You just live and love. "Keep on doing that Abby. I am so happy that you talk now." I was worried when you didn't or wouldn't. Mommy says that I should get a lot of credit, since you always loved to see me and you felt safe whispering to me from behind the chain link fence. You loved to talk to Susan (Mommy) about me. But I don't need credits where I'm going. Never did need them here, either. Mom looks at me and gasps. Just for a second, she sees my Angel Wings, but then I am gone. Bye bye Mom, George, Tornado. I know you are sad right now, but be happy for me. You loved me and I loved you. You set me free. Now I meet MY Mom for the first time. I am happy and at peace. I know that's all you ever wanted for me.

Penny is gone. I'll post in Remembrance.

Penny did not sleep, and neither did I. She doesn't want to move, although she can. I gave her some of the high calorie food via syringe and spoon, but she's more interested in the "Beggin Strips", so I'm giving her one every few minutes. She didn't even want a peanut butter sandwich, which she always loved. She seems to be in pain, although she is not vocalizing it. Her breathing is quite fast, most of the time. I can't get her to relax. She doesn't really respond when I speak to her or pet her. The special cream hasn't made a difference yet. Her hind end is all bloody and raw, a huge area. My DH and I have decided that tomorrow is the day to send her to The Bridge, unless something major changes for the better, which I don't anticipate. Thanks for your support. It means a lot.

I apologize for asking the other thread to be locked. At that moment, it seemed like a good idea- everyone is so helpful and really understands. I want to post with something positive, but there really isn't anything. Although I do need to ask, how many McDonald's cheeseburgers would you feed your hound as they lay there feeling so terrible? I gave her 2 in the span of five minutes. I hope they don't come back up. But she was ravenous- that's the only thing that she will eat in a good amount. We tried the Desitin, but I didn't feel like I could have her wait a day or two to have it start to work. Tufts ordered her a special cream that I had to pick up in Worcester, at a special pharmacy. $45 for a tiny tube. That's not so bad, if it helps. I'll buy her 10 more. Anything we get at Tufts, though, is free. Up to $1000.00. Any suggestions? I want to spend it on making her pain free and happy up til the end. It is just SO hard to know what to do at this point. Even in the best of circumstances, they say she has 3-4 weeks left. I CAN NOT ACCEPT THIS! But I have NO choice. Nothing is going to reverse this or bring her back to what she was. She is going to a better place, I know, but I can't take it. Please pray that I make the right decision at the right time, for Penny. I LOVE her SO MUCH!