Chee

We went to see our boy tonight, and it is clear that there was no improvement. I talked with the vets at the hospital, and then called my own vet. (He has been talking to the hospital vets every day and had left a message for me to call him on his home phone this evening.) When I talked to my vet, he told me that he knows how much we love Logan, and that now it was time to love him enough to do this for him. And so we said goodbye. I can't believe my sweet boy is gone.

Thank you for all of your thoughts. I have now spoken to 3 of the vets at the hospital and with my regular vet, and they all agreed that we should give him a few days. But... that was yesterday. He had a bad night last night. They want us to come in early this evening to talk about what is happening. It's clear from the conversation that I had about an hour ago that they are going to recommend that we put him down tonight. My heart is breaking. I am trying to hold it together, but this is killing something in me.

My sweet boy, Logan.... I don't know where to start. Logan is 9 years old. On Thursday when my dog walker arrived, Logan had urinated all over the house and was acting strangely. My dog walker let him out in the backyard while he cleaned up. Logan immediately laid down under a bush and would not get up/ could not get up. My dog walker picked him up and put him in the car to go to the vet. Logan had a seizure in the car. He had more seizures at the vet's office. He was then transfered to an animal specialty hospital where he has been in ICU since Thursday night. They did find the problem-- he has a mass in his pancreas. The mass has created insulin problems, causing his blood sugar to spike. The blood sugar problems caused the seizures. The seizures caused some neurological issues. The blood sugar issue is completely under control. If he didn't have neurological problems, he would be a candidate for surgery. The surgery has a huge success rate and he will not need any chemo. Right now, my boy is not my boy. He is not aware of his surroundings. The vets have told us that there is a chance-- very slim-- that his neurological functions will come back and that he will be our boy again and healthy after the surgery. They have said that it can take up to a week to know how things will go. It is likely that he will not improve. They have also told me that he is not in pain, even though it looks and sounds like he is in pain. But, they have also said that there is a chance, and that if he were their dog, they would try to give him that chance. I want my dog back. I want my sweet sweet boy back. He was fine on Thursday morning, and now.... it's bad. What would you do if multiple vets were telling you to keep on, yet your gut was telling you to let him go? I want so badly to keep him, but I don't think he is going to pull through and I feel like I am torturing him by keeping him alive.... even though they keep assuring me there is no pain. What would you do?

You will be ready when you stop blaming yourself. I know, it's hard. My best friends lost a cat and two dogs in four months. It was devastating. Especially when their brand new puppy died. They blamed themselves for a very long time. It didn't just affect how they felt when they were home with their remaining pet, it permeated all aspects of their life. Through time and a lot of talking, they have made peace with what happened. I think that peace is what you are looking for. I know that when you achieve it, you will be ready to open your home and heart to another grey.