Nalian

I am sorry to hear about your loss. It's so hard when they leave us.

Some days are definitely easier than others. Today I started off working from home again, and all I could think about was Mr. Puppyhead. I'm not sure why we started calling him that - he was 6 years old when we got him and already an old man in a lot of ways. Roo was never big on playing with toys - especially ones that squeaked. I remember when we Roo a few screaming monkeys when they were all the rage here on GT. Roo thought it was fun to play with at first - but once the monkey screamed, he looked very apologetic at the monkey.and wouldn't bite him anymore. That continued to be a theme for Roo with any squeaky toy. Thank you guys again for the support. It's nice to have an outlet to be able to express this loss to..so many people just don't understand. Roo was such a sweetheart, everyone loved him. I just had to tell the gal at the kennel he would go to sometimes that he is gone now, and she started crying, which sent me off again. I still can't bring myself to go through his box of winter jackets and other miscellaneous items. I figure that the strength will come to me when it's right. Or I'll force myself to do it and get some things donated. I'm sure there's another greyhound out there that could use a chinese-food print housecoat, or good ol' QuietMan's old PJs. I still really miss you buddy, and I hope that you're happy wherever you are.

Well it has been just over a week and a half. I have to say that the unbearable pain I was in before has definitely faded some, even in just this short time. I am still reminded daily that he's not here anymore, but I'm starting to be okay with that. As okay as you can be, anyway. Coming home from work has to be one of the worst times. Often when I'd get off of my motorcycle, goofball would have his face in the window watching me, and I could see his tail going. I have to make myself consciously think now to not look for him, which isn't easy. I'm still finding myself anxious at night around the time when I'd take him for a walk normally. I'm just used to there being something I have to do and it feels weird to not have it. Sometimes I still find myself straining to hear his nails clicking on the floor or I'll turn to look for him on the couch. I wish there was a fast forward button for emotions.

Thank you guys. I have been surprised at how hard this has hit me. I mean I knew I'd be upset but I think that I spent so long telling myself not to think about it until I have to - it's just such a sharp sting. I can't believe how ingrained my habits with Roo were, and I find myself missing even his obnoxious nail chewing habit, and his giant sighs he would let out to remind me that I wasn't paying attention to him. I feel more comfortable with the decision already. I just miss him.

I am so sorry - it's so unreal when they are gone. There is never enough time.

I do appreciate that - truly. I think the worst part has to be anticipating the routine. No head bumps for attention..no that thump hitting the floor is not Roo thunking his head down. No that noise is the cats messing with something.. I just keep expecting it to be him. Ugh.

Tonight I held Roo for the last time. We have been riding a roller coaster all summer with Roo's health, having good days where he acts like a puppy, to bad days where he doesn't want to get up or see anyone, or eat anything. His kidneys have been slowly failing him for a few years now, and despite diet and medicine, it was really starting to take it's toll on him. This weekend was bad for Roo, and we came to the hard decision that it was time. I made an appointment for a very nice vet to come to my house to help Roo pass. I lucked out with Roo today, as he was having a really good day. I took the day away from work to work from home, and stayed glued to him the whole day. We laid in bed working remotely for a few hours, before moving to his favorite place, the couch. I took him for frequent walks around the block, fed him all kinds of bad food, much to his delight. Towards the end of the day, it was easy to see that he was tired, but very happy. At 6 pm, I held my sweet boy in my lap for one last time as he peacefully went to sleep, and then left me forever. I feel so awful and I really hate being the adult that has to make these decisions. It's not fair and it just hurts. I am so grateful for the day I had today with him, but that makes tonight without him so much more acutely painful. Roo, I miss you so much, and I am so sorry. At times like this I really wish I believed in a higher power, so that I could see you again someday. I hope you understand.

If it is a hardware array and linux does not see it as an individual device, you won't be able to get this information from the command line as linux can't query it. You'd need a utility to deal with the hardware array itself. It sounds like from what you've described you'll have to wait until someone can pull it out to find it.