queenwinniesmom

Merry Christmas, Nicky my love. This is our first Christmas without you, and I miss you more than words can say. I know you're happy at the Bridge with Buster and Patsy and Lacey, and all your friends, but I struggle so much to make sense of your absence. I wish I could see you and touch you just one more time. But I'll be okay. You let me know sometimes that your spirit is still with me. And we thank you for sending us Tess. Merry Christmas, Dolly, and Nick and all our Bridge kids. I still haven't figured out how to post pictures here. But this is the link to Nick's Dogster page, so everyone can see how beautiful he was, inside and out. http://www.dogster.com/?87982

Your post brought tears to my eyes. Bless you for adopting a senior girl as your first dog. It is so clear that you found exactly the dog you were meant to have. And she was blessed as well to have a wonderful Mom who did everything possible to keep her safe and healthy and happy. But cancer is a traitor, and so many of us know how it feels to have your hopes dashed. Our sweet Angel Patsy was diagnosed with lymphosarcoma when she was only six. We tried everything to keep her with us. She was a very good candidate for chemo, and our hopes were raised. But she didn't even make it through the full course before the cancer spread to her central nervous system, and we had to let her go. Sally's sweet expression reminds me so much of Patsy. I knew that in her memory, I wanted to let more Greyhounds into my heart. If you feel that way too, the love that you and Sally shared will live on. These are the last lines of the poem I wrote for Patsy when she died. I think they fit your precious girl as well. ....But an angel's star is shining in the place where she is free from pain and fear and weariness, those fragile, earthbound things. And she would tell me not to cry. My angel's found her wings. Nancy

I'm so sorry you lost your sweet Kona, especially at a time that holds such sad memories. They are together now. I must tell you how beautiful that picture is. I recieved it as a gift, and was so taken by the lovely detail, and how tenderly their spirit was captured. Those spirits live on in your hearts and in that wonderful drawing.

I'm so sorry she didn't make it. But thank doG she was rescued and at least was not alone. I know that it doesn't seem fair that some never get to know the love and security of a forever home, but for the last days of her life, she did know that love. This is what I tell myself when I'm wishing that I could have had more time with my heart dogs: they truly live in the moment. Whether for a year, a month or a day, they only know what they feel NOW. And she absolutely felt your love and compassion. Bless you for trying everything you could for these precious little girls, and for loving her enough to know it was time to let her go.

Oh, I was hoping you would have more time together. I'm so sorry you lost your precious boy. Thanks for sharing those lovely pictures. Something about those black dogs....

I'm trying to think that way when I have moments like this. I pulled out the coats the other day, and some of Nick's fawn fur was still in his. The missing him, and feeling of loss was an actual physical ache. But at times, I feel him close to me, and that helps ease the pain. I remember when you lost your sweet lady, and how deeply it affected me, because you were able to express the love you shared so beautifully. I guess it helps us all a little to know that there are so many others that understand.

Oh, this is heartbreaking. You always hope against hope that they will be found and returned safely home. I'm so sorry you lost your precious boy. Nancy

Slick was so very loved. I'm so sorry for the loss of your "grand old man".

"Know this final gift has cost my heart." Meredith, your words express so eloquently your love and your pain. What a lovely tribute. And his portrait---stunning!

Oh, I'm so sorry. Bauer is gorgeous. He looks a lot like my Nick, who I lost in July. He was at the emergency vets, and we didn't get to be with him either. I know how heartbreaking that is. But I truly think that if the bond of love is strong, they know that we are with them. With sympathy, Nancy

As I was crying through your beautiful tribute to Jessie, I was also thinking, thank God that these 2 found each other. You understood her so well, and loved her so totally. And yes, it is never long enough, but she knew only love in those last 2 years. I'm so sorry that you lost your precious girl, Nancy

I'm so sorry. It sounds like you have much sadness to deal with. Sending white light to ease your pain and give you strength. Nancy

I'm so sorry for your double loss. You have many levels of grief to deal with--the devastation of losing 2 exceptional dogs so close together, the suddenness, the not knowing exactly why. Any one alone is bad enough, but this....my heart is aching for you. My Nick left me while hooked up to IV's at the emergency vets, and it was sudden too. We're still not sure why, suspect Addisons, cardiomyopathy and possibly lymphoma. I felt like I'd been run over by a truck, so I can only imagine how you are feeling. Knowing that they are together helps, but can't take away that pain. There is a lot of understanding and comfort here. Please know that you are in our prayers. Nancy Your tribute was lovely--I felt as if I was lucky enough to have known them!

My turn to thank YOU, Donna. I do know what you meant when you said that. In those first surreal hours, we just feel so incredibly alone. But I keep coming back here for the same reason. Good tears help the healing process, and you don't feel so isolated. The love that we all feel for our Greys is extended so generously to include anyone who is sad or angry or hurting. I've found this to be true many times---Greyhound people are the best in the world! I agree that it's no accident when someone finds Greytalk and feels at home. I'm glad you found it, and I'm glad I found it too. Hey, I can't get a picture into my siggy either! See, we're not alone! Nancy

Oh, Donna....you wrote that lovely tribute because you needed to, you needed to bring your sweet girl to life for everyone to see. You let us share her beauty, her strength, devotion, and love for you, and I thank you for that. We do understand, you know. My tears came again because so much of what you wrote just resonated within me, brought back that pain and loss too deep for mere words. When you share a great love, and it's taken from you suddenly, it's an added layer of grief, that's peeled away slowly, as you deal with that loss on so many levels. Time, as you know, is the proverbial healer, and there's a reason why we're told this. Because it's true. Even when it seems impossible, one day we realize we haven't cried. And then we might smile when thinking of a special memory, instead of the tears. But does that sadness ever really disappear? I don't think so. I'm having a really hard time now too, and it's too soon to smile just because people say my Angel Nick would want me to be happy rather than sad. I wonder if that's true? Or is he feeling sad and cheated and selfishly angry, like I do, because we can't be together? So I need to feel this way for a while. You may need to as well. No time frame here. Our grief is unique and personal, and we just need to deal with it in the best way we know how. My heart aches for you. I'm so sorry you've lost your precious girl. With sympathy, Nancy

Oh, Angie, what a shame you didn't have more time with your big, sweet boy! It just seems too hard to comprehend when they go suddenly (when I lost my Angel Nick 3 weeks ago, he was only sick for 2 days), and you feel cheated. Though the pain is too great right now, I think in time, you will find comfort in knowing that he was happy and safe and loved till the very last second. He was blessed to have found someone who loved him and appreciated him and understood him so well. When you picture him jumping up on those long legs, filled with the joy of simply being with you, those memories will keep him alive within your heart. Nancy

That is heartbreaking. I'm so sorry. It's devastating enough to lose them when you are emotionally prepared, but this was so sudden, so senseless...... With much sympathy, Nancy

I'm so sorry you lost your precious girl. I was crying when I read your post because I am going through the same feelings. I lost my heart dog, my Nick, on Monday, and it feels like everything in the world has shifted out of focus. All those little things that we took for granted seem enormous in their absence. I have trouble feeding the other 3 Greys, and a former foster dog we're boarding, because Nick's bowl was always on the end. I can see him as he went into his crate to wait to be fed. I haven't told anyone this, but I actually put an empty bowl on the table, just to ease me through this awesome emptiness. I hold the door open for him as I'm letting the others out, and reach out to touch him, thinking he is still sleeping beside me. I think we are feeling their absence so deeply now that we feel alone inside our grief. But it also gave me hope to read the other messages, and know that we're not really alone. So many others understand. I've always told people that there is no time frame for grieving, and I hope I can listen to my own words, because I believe they are true. Do what you need to mourn for your girl, and gradually the pain eases. In time, you will cherish and celebrate your years together, and the love you shared. Nancy

I'm so sorry you lost your precious boy. I know that pain you are feeling now. It's still so fresh for me since my sweet Nick went to the Bridge on Monday. No matter how long they are with us, it never seems like enough time. But if it was days or months or years, what matters most is that they knew how very much they were loved. Your final gift to each other was to be together at the end. Nancy

Thank-you so much, Lilysmom. Yes, that's my Angel Nick. Isn't he beautiful? His pictures brought fresh tears, but I was so blessed to have him with me for 7 years. Thank-you to everyone for understanding, Nancy

Make yourself familiar with the angels, and behold them frequently in spirit; for without being seen, they are present with you. St. Francis de Salles Thanks to everyone for all the kind words. It does help to know that others understand. Irene, that is a beautiful quote. It is something I want to remember. I think Doug and I vended beside you and your husband one Dewey---that horrible weather Dewey when we stood in line for hours to get a space in the tent that wasn't sitting in a foot of mud. You took the table the organizers were at, we took the one next to it! I would love for you to see how handsome he was. I've tried to post pictures here, but I can't seem to do it yet. I'm not computer savvy. But if anyone would like to see a picture of Nick, you can go to his Dogster link: http://www.dogster.com/?87982 Nick didn't know how graceful, and elegant and beautiful he was. Just watching him walk toward me could take my breath away. And those eyes.... Thank-you all, Nancy

I know I'm fairly new here, just having started to lurk and then to post in the last several months. But I want to pay tribute to an exceptional Greyhound. A few of you may know him (and me) from the Greyhounds Reach The Beach message board. For those of you who don't, I'm so sorry the introduction has to be in this way. If only you could have known him. For those of us who did, like Doug and I, who shared his life for 7 years, how lucky we were! When I first saw him it was back in 1999. He was waiting in a cage after his neuter for me to pick him up. He was to be our foster dog. He was the only one there when I walked in, but I thought, surely that isn't my new foster---a huge, skinny fawn with a big bandage on his right hind leg. But yes, he was going home with me. Nick had injured his foot racing at Plainfield, and it was so crippled that the vet amputated his two middle toes. This was to become an integral part of his personality. He was only in our house for a few days when it became very clear that we wouldn't be able to let him go. So he joined Lacey, as our second Greyhound. Do you know when something is meant to be? This dog was so totally ours from the very start, and it's a good thing he felt that way too, because we were smitten, just some of the first to be completely under the spell of those liquid, dark-rimmed eyes, eyes that could melt your heart and told you of his kind and gentle and patient soul. Nick was one of the world's true innocents. He was my rock, and I was his. Through 44 foster dogs, 5 more foster failures. Our saying good-bye to Lacey, to Patsy, and to Buster. He knew without my saying anything just when I needed him most, and he never let me down. He was a big, quirky guy, and 85 pound lap dog who was highly insulted if every man, woman and child (especially the children!) didn't come over to pet him at a Meet and Greet. He loved to schmooze---he was a schmoozer, not a runner, having retired at only 2 1/2. His new career was being the best Greyhound ambassador ever, those eyes convincing so many people that they had to adopt a Greyhound. He was our star paw painter, patiently creating many eclectic masterpieces. He had a bit of the OCD thing going (just like his Mom). He preferred that everything remain exactly the same. He remembered every cat on every back porch that he'd seen on every walk for years, and he looked for those cats every time. His obsession was Kleenex, and paper towels, and anything he could quickly shred on the sly, and then return to us with a quilty look on his face, and a piece of paper hanging from his lips. He loved walking the beach at Dewey, one place that we could be sure he wouldn't limp. He'd always held that injured paw up when needed, especially if it could inspire kisses from the ladies. I'd worried that he might have trouble with that leg, the dreaded osteo possibly appearing like it had with Winnie in the same leg. But what took him from us wasn't that monster. It started inocuously, with some vomiting and diarrhea 5 days after we'd come home from Grapehounds, where we'd had one of our best times ever. One trip to our vet on Friday, brought no change, and neither did a return trip on Saturday. The fluids, antibiotics, pain meds didn't lessen the increasing lethargy, the panting, that turning inward of the eyes, away from us. The bloodwork made our vet bring up the possibility of Addison's. The X-rays showed no masses or blockages, only that his heart was moderately larger. He was worse on Sat. night, and we took him to the emergency vet early Sunday morning. It was grave, the vet said. His white count was sky high (possibly a severe infection, or even lymphoma), his potassium and sodium levels way off, indicating Addison's disease. They started more fluids, and prednisone, the recommended treatment. But by last night, the vet thought he hadn't improved like he should have. I'd been to see him about 4:00, and he raised his head and looked into my eyes, and I allowed myself to hope that my Nick was coming back to me. At 11:30 the vet did another chest X-ray. It showed that his heart was twice the normal size. We were dealing with 2, maybe 3, critical things, the treatments at odds with each other. The vet suggested it may be time to let him go. They would try to get him through the night so we could take him to our own vet today. But at 2:15, the call we'd dreaded came. Nick's heart had stopped, and they were breathing for him. Keeping him barely alive till we could get there was not something we could do to him. And so we said to let him go. I wanted so badly to be with him, telling him I loved him and not to be afraid, like I'd done earlier, but it wasn't to be. We could only be with him in our hearts,and hope that he was guided gently to the Bridge. Though my heart and my home are awesomely, achingly empty, I think he's sent me some signs that this was so. I know he would if he could. Though I'm stumbling through the day, trying to absorb his absence, I know it's got to get better. I just know that it's going to take a very long time. Run free, Nicky my love, my beautiful love. I'll love you and miss you forever. Thank-you for letting me talk about my special boy, Nancy