One Year Ago Today...

[Pippin]

A New Star in the Heavens... 8/29/07

My tribute to her

 

One year ago today, I was sitting in a hotel room in Charlotte, NC, while my heart-dog/first greyhound/perfect pet was starting her third day at my vet's in Atlanta. She had taken ill the day I was leaving for my business trip, and I had to go, not knowing if she would still be there when I got back the following Saturday. It could have been idiopathic vestibular, it could have been something else. We'll never know, because I chose not to put an almost-15yr old dog through the stress of any tests. We chose to "watch and see" instead. Three weeks earlier, she'd been given a clean bill of health.

 

Last year, the 29th was a Wednesday. Tuesday evening, Doc & I had spoken, and Doc was "guardedly optimistic." Angie was showing signs of improvement, and was a different dog than what she had been when Doc got there Tuesday morning. So I went to sleep holding onto good thoughts.

 

I woke up Wed morning, planning to take myself out to breakfast before going to the client site. Instead, I spent 2 hours in tears, knowing beyond any doubt that I was going to lose my girl that day. I didn't want her to go - didn't want to have to make that decision when I was 300 miles away and couldn't be there with her - didn't want to ask her to hang on until Saturday just so I could be there with her to say goodbye. Couldn't imagine what it would be like to come home and not have her come pushing through the pack at Dee's to greet me. Couldn't imagine making her wait three more days, lying in her own waste because she couldn't stand up, wasting away because she wouldn't eat or drink.

 

So I prayed, because there was nothing else I could think of to do.

 

Father God....

 

You are creator of heaven and earth, Lord of all that there is. That means you are Angie's God just as much as you are mine.

 

She is your gift to me, and I have treasured her from the time you brought her into my life.

 

You used her to change my life, in ways that I could never have imagined, and I thank you for that.

 

But ultimately, Lord, she is yours, not mine. And if you decide that it's time for her to come home to you, I'm ok with that, no matter if my tears and my heart say otherwise.

 

Do what's best for my Angie-dog, God - be there with her, so she's not alone at the vet, and remind her how very much she is loved. Don't worry about me - you'll give me the strength to handle whatever comes - you always do.

 

Just watch out for my little girl, and take care of her for me, cause there's nothing I can do for her on my end except give her over to you.

 

In Jesus name,

Amen

 

Then I took my shower and went to the customer site (without breakfast - I was almost late). On the way, I called my vet and left a message for her to do whatever she thought was best for Angie, but if she thought the best thing was to let her go, please don't tell me until after 5pm, so I could hold it together at the client site.

 

We talked at 520, and Doc said it was time to let her go. I swallowed hard, and said ok, and thank you, and all the stuff you say at a time like that when you'd rather run screaming NONONONONONO, and then said "Can I have one more favor?"

 

It was all I could do to get the words out past the lump in my throat.

 

I said "tell her I love her," and then I told her that I always kiss Angie on her forehead, right between her ears. Doc said ok.

 

She called Dee (my group prez, Angie's original foster mom, and my dog-sitter), and Dee drove over so that it wasn't just Angie & Doc. Dee emailed me about it later.

 

Mary,

It's hard for me to tell you about the last few minutes with Angie..but..I will try~~~

When I visited her this am, she looked me in the eye and I could read her thoughts~

 

She asked me to 'let her go'...she wasn't able to take care of herself and she didn't want to be a burden to anyone..

 

I felt her feet, checked her reflexes and rubbed her ears and nose...she never even responded to any stimulation...I tried everything possible to get her to open her mouth for some nourishment...she was so dignified and proud of her accomplishments and didn't want us to see her loosing control..

 

She was ready to leave us...

 

This eve at 6pm ...once again, I tried to get her to look at me...held her head up and gave her a kiss and whipered in her ear that "we all loved her so much" and told her to "run ahead and wait for us there"...

She understood as she shut her eyes and went to sleep..

 

I will be waiting to hear from you tomorrow when you have the time to call..

 

Always for Greyhounds,

Dee

 

Dr Brown gave her a kiss from you as you asked her to...she said 'run now to good health'..

 

From last year's "remembrance" post...

 

I was blessed with the love of a spectacular girl for 4 1/2 years, from the time she licked my chin that first time we met, choosing me to be her mama, to the last time I saw her, Monday afternoon, pushing herself to stand up for me so that I would feel ok about leaving town while she wasn't well.

 

Angie came into my life when I went to Dee's house to adopt a black retired broodmama. As Dee was introducing me to the other dogs, she said "This one's Angela." Angie got off her dog-bed and walked over to me. I knelt down, and she looked deep into my eyes. Then she licked my chin, and went back to her dog-bed where she stayed the rest of the time I was there.

 

I met the dog that I had gone to adopt, and she was wonderful, but she wasn't the one for me. I had already been chosen. Angie chose me when she licked my chin.

 

 

Because she chose me,

I have experienced the adaptability of an "old" dog as she learned new tricks.

 

Because she chose me,

I have learned how much love I can feel for another being.

 

Because she chose me,

I have experienced the joy of her behavior changing over the years

from aloof to affectionate.

 

Because she loved me,

she adapted to unstructured routines and routine absences.

 

Because she loved me,

she accepted the other dogs I brought into our home,

and let them share the space in my heart.

 

Because I loved her,

there were new beds at Christmas, and no walks longer than her aging legs could handle.

 

Because I loved her,

there were nights spent on the couch with interruptions every few hours.

 

Because I loved her,

there were home-cooked meals and special treats, and fewer nights away from home.

 

Because she loved me,

she stood up for me, balancing on tired legs to show me she was ok

and I could leave on my business trip with a clear conscience.

 

Because I loved her, I let her go.

 

My heart is breaking

because I couldn't be there at the end, but it was time to let go,

and I had promised her I would,

because I loved her.

 

And because I loved her and she loved me,

she will run forever in my heart,

Because she chose me.

 

-mvy 9/1/07-

 

 

Mommy still remembers you, little girl. And I still love you. Thanks for choosing me that day, and for being in my life. I'm a better person because you were here.

[grey14me]

I can't believe it's been a year already.

[Guest twofinegreys]

That was a beautiful poem and even though its a sad anniversary, it made me go give a smooch to each of my hounds! Thank you for sharing Angie's story.

[BertnLil]

Tears streaming down my face. Hugs to you today. What a lovely tribute.

[Guest PhillyPups]

Oh Mary

 

What a beautiful tribute to a most special Angel ~ tears are streaming down my face, and I know the feelings of love, loss and being blessed to share her journey.

 

Thank you for sharing her with us.

 

Pat

 

 

[Guest RocketDog]

so, so sweet. I have to go hug my precious houndies now...

[gazehund]

How did it get to be a year already? I am so sorry for your loss Mary.

[CaliforniaGreys]

That was one of the most beautiful tributes I have ever read. You both were very lucky to have found each other.

[Greytlady94]

[4greyhounds]

[HopeForHounds]

A year? Wow! I'm so glad she chose you Mary, because I probably would not have met you otherwise. Hard to comprehend.

 

Angela you were a joy to meet, some day sweet lady, some day.

[HJsM]

I remember when you adopted her. It was an exciting time for you. Peace on this day

[patricia]

Remembering with you.

[greypuppyluv]

Gentle hugs to you.

[Charlies_Dad]

What a sweet and tragic story, thanks for sharing. It truly does sound like Angie picked you and you picked her, a wonderful match.

[Guest Pipi5]

I cannot believe its been a year....

[Guest greyscot]

[Guest vahoundlover]

As you remember your sweet baby girl

 

 

[Pippin]

I remember when you adopted her. It was an exciting time for you. Peace on this day

Exciting and terrifying. Just looked at my "joined" date under my avatar - that was about a week before I met Angie for the first time. That first time I met her is when she chose me, even though I didn't bring her home until May (right around Mother's Day, as I recall)

 

 

 

Thanks, everyone.

 

I'm a big fan of that old-fashioned concept where you spend the first year after a loss allowing yourself to mourn/grieve. Yesterday morning, I wanted to honor my little girl's memory by posting on her bridge-day, even though I had posted the video earler this month. Pippin laid nearby as I typed, and Casey came in to check on me as I neared the end of the post.

 

Pip was the goofiest I've ever seen him be, yesterday. All bouncy-happy, doing zoomies in the house, etc, making me laugh. He's such a wonderful boy, and as different from Angie as night is from day. I've cried on his shoulders a few tiimes this year - one evening at Sandy Paws, because Angie wasn't there, and various times this month as I've worked on her tributes. He just stands there, and waits for me to be done. I'm so glad he's here (Casey, too).

 

My memories of Angie will always remain, and a piece of my heart will always be hers. But life goes on, and the memories, even if they bring tears, don't bring pain. I was blessed by the love of a wonderful girl, and now I'm blessed by the love of a goofy boy and continue to be blessed by the love & trust of my shy Casey. Angie will always be my first greyhound, and because of her, there will always be greyhounds in my life. That may be the best gift anyone could ever be given, and she gave it to me when she licked my chin.

 

 

Edited August 30, 2008 by Pippin

[RobinM]

Oh Mary, every time I see Polli in "Angies" coat, I think of your sweet angel. She lives on in many hearts.

 

Edited August 30, 2008 by RobinM

[nyGreys]

:grouphug

[Batmom]

The kids wanna know why I'm crying. I'm telling them it's because a beautiful lady had to say au revoir to another beautiful lady last year.

 

Rest well, Angie sweetheart.

[Guest tennesseegrey]

She looks just like my Rosie who I just lost a month ago. They are so special. I hope your heart has had time to heal.

[Pippin]

The kids wanna know why I'm crying. I'm telling them it's because a beautiful lady had to say au revoir to another beautiful lady last year.

 

Rest well, Angie sweetheart.

 

Jey, out of all the replies I got last year, this was the one that really got to me....

 

Angela, sweetheart, you set your momma up for a great adventure, didn't you? An adventure into greyhounds -- their dignity and silliness and wondrous beauty.

 

Without you, she might never have known how beautiful a girl can be even as she ages.

 

Without you, she might never have been so inspired to help your cousins -- IGs and greyhounds both.

 

Without you .... It will be hard for her, without you. Send her peaceful dreams, while you are having your own, while you are playing in the warm sunshine over the bridge, while she and we are missing your gentle presence here.

 

You have a way with words, and a way of seeing what folks are really feeling.

 

Oh Mary, every time I see Polli in "Angies" coat, I think of your sweet angel. She lives on in many hearts.

 

 

I'm glad that the coat-maker (was it Cristel? I've forgotten) was agreeable to giving the coat to another brood. Your Polli is beautiful in her "Angie coat"